Paying your kids to score goals

[Anonymous]

We’re not really a team sports family, but friends of ours pay their teen athletes for goals scored and have been doing so since they were little kids. This doesn’t sit right with me for some reason, but not exactly sure why. Wondering what DCUM thinks.

[Anonymous]

I think you're a troll trying to make a comparison to paying for grades and failing. Making a goal is not the equivalent of earning an A because there are many equally valid ways to contribute to a team's success. A better equivalency would be paying a kid for how often they touched the ball -- but if payment is necessary for that, just don't do that sport. School, on the other hand, isn't optional.

Signed, someone who never paid kids for grades

[Anonymous]

A troll? What? No, I really want to know what people think. The family who does this is hyper competitive about everything and I’m truly trying to decide if this should annoy me.

Personally, I don’t pay my kids for grades and wouldn’t for any sports related efforts either.

[Anonymous]

I think your friends are idiots and you need new friends you troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your friends are idiots and you need new friends you troll.

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear.

[Anonymous]

We know a family that would get their young elementary kid ice cream if the kid scored a goal. Witnessed many meltdowns when the kid didn’t score as a result. Also witnessed times that the kid didn’t pass the ball to an open teammate and instead tried to score (unsuccessfully) due to the ice cream reward. I concluded that rewards for goals were a terrible idea based on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re not really a team sports family, but friends of ours pay their teen athletes for goals scored and have been doing so since they were little kids. This doesn’t sit right with me for some reason, but not exactly sure why. Wondering what DCUM thinks.

It makes more sense to me than forcing kids to play a sport for the sake of playing a sport because you have labeled yourself a "sports family." At least if the child isn't into the sport he is still getting something out of it.

[Anonymous]

I think there are two issues here.

One is that rewards destroy internal motivation. Sometimes, rewards can make sense if you have a kid who needs to do something, or stop doing something, and isn't internally motivated. But a kid who isn't internally motivated to play a specific sport, shouldn't be playing it. They should keep looking until they find what they are motivated to do.

The other is that over focusing on goals, rather than on perseverance, teamwork, soccer IQ (or lacrosse IQ, or hockey IQ, or whatever IQ) isn't going to lead to the kid improving as a player. It's a stupid thing to reward because even if we accept that being a good player is the goal, it won't lead to the kid being a better player.

[Anonymous]

We don’t pay for performance: school, sports, clubs, etc. kids either want to or they don’t. There is a lifetime of performance evaluations, pay to play, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re an idiot for worrying about how others raise their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re an idiot for worrying about how others raise their kids.

That’s a weird take in a forum called General Parenting Discussion. Why are you here?

[Anonymous]

MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are two issues here.

One is that rewards destroy internal motivation. Sometimes, rewards can make sense if you have a kid who needs to do something, or stop doing something, and isn't internally motivated. But a kid who isn't internally motivated to play a specific sport, shouldn't be playing it. They should keep looking until they find what they are motivated to do.

The other is that over focusing on goals, rather than on perseverance, teamwork, soccer IQ (or lacrosse IQ, or hockey IQ, or whatever IQ) isn't going to lead to the kid improving as a player. It's a stupid thing to reward because even if we accept that being a good player is the goal, it won't lead to the kid being a better player.

Tell your boss you no longer wish to be paid because rewards destroy your internal motivation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are two issues here.

One is that rewards destroy internal motivation. Sometimes, rewards can make sense if you have a kid who needs to do something, or stop doing something, and isn't internally motivated. But a kid who isn't internally motivated to play a specific sport, shouldn't be playing it. They should keep looking until they find what they are motivated to do.

The other is that over focusing on goals, rather than on perseverance, teamwork, soccer IQ (or lacrosse IQ, or hockey IQ, or whatever IQ) isn't going to lead to the kid improving as a player. It's a stupid thing to reward because even if we accept that being a good player is the goal, it won't lead to the kid being a better player.

Tell your boss you no longer wish to be paid because rewards destroy your internal motivation.

I go to work in order to be paid. If your kid is going to soccer in order to be paid, not because they love soccer, then they shouldn't be playing soccer. The point of kid soccer is to have fun, and to develop an interest that will carry into adulthood. If they have to be paid to be there neither of those things are happening. On the other hand, the reason I go to work is to get paid, which is a perfectly fine reason for working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are two issues here.

One is that rewards destroy internal motivation. Sometimes, rewards can make sense if you have a kid who needs to do something, or stop doing something, and isn't internally motivated. But a kid who isn't internally motivated to play a specific sport, shouldn't be playing it. They should keep looking until they find what they are motivated to do.

The other is that over focusing on goals, rather than on perseverance, teamwork, soccer IQ (or lacrosse IQ, or hockey IQ, or whatever IQ) isn't going to lead to the kid improving as a player. It's a stupid thing to reward because even if we accept that being a good player is the goal, it won't lead to the kid being a better player.

Tell your boss you no longer wish to be paid because rewards destroy your internal motivation.

I go to work in order to be paid. If your kid is going to soccer in order to be paid, not because they love soccer, then they shouldn't be playing soccer. The point of kid soccer is to have fun, and to develop an interest that will carry into adulthood. If they have to be paid to be there neither of those things are happening. On the other hand, the reason I go to work is to get paid, which is a perfectly fine reason for working.

Why can’t they go to soccer to be paid? Why is the point of soccer just to have fun? Why can’t it be making money for college?