Would this bother you?

[Hudders]

I have six nieces and nephews. My oldest sister never had kids. We are super close. By far the closest in the family. In fact she doesn't talk to other two siblings. She is closest with my kids, especially my eldest.

She just said she is making up her will and splitting it between the six nieces and nephews (two of them she doesn't even know. Not sure they ever met. She is not leaving anything to my kids. I said "It's not my business but Janey and Johnny are close with you it may hurt their feelings." She feels they don't need the money.

We are solidly middle class. My other nieces and nephews are from more modest families, that is true.

Would this bother you? I think I'm just surprised by the conversation given how close we are and how close she is with my kids. It stung a little. Not about the money, about leaving them out completely.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but it's her money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but it's her money.

This!

That really sucks, but she gets to do what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Probably, but there’s no justification for it.

[Anonymous]

Reading between the lines, you are "solidly middle class" whereas your nieces and nephews are "more modest families" ie they are short on money.

Makes total sense to me to leave money to the people who... need the money.

And "It's not about the money, it's about leaving them out" is a canard. They're being left out of... the document that talks about where the money goes. Not her life, not her funeral, not her affection and love. The money. That's the thing. So you also need to be honest with yourself that what stings is they are not getting money.

It's obvious she's not making this decision based on closeness, she's making it based on need. Let it go.

[Hudders]

Thank you all for your response. I appreciate that.

I totally agree, her business. It truly isn't about the money. For example, she could leave my kids $50. It's about them just being left out. The parents (my siblings) of nieces and nephews do make less than we do but we are totally not wealthy. It's not about me, to me it's about the kids feelings.

I am not going to say anything. You are right it 100% her business. I respect that.

You know what it may be a little about money for me now that I'm purging my feelings. She owes me money and I've never expected it back. I'm the person who has always been 'her person' taken her to surgeries, helped heal (we do for each other), the only one who gives her gifts for birthday, Xmas, etc.. I'm just surprised. Maybe it is her way of making up with my siblings -treating their kids nicely. Thanks everyone.

[Anonymous]

F**k yes it would bother me. She is close enough to tell you that your kids receive jack shit while she doesn’t even talk to the other siblings?

She could have just made up her will and said nothing to you…I assume you never would have brought up the topic other than to suggest she should have a will to avoid probate and other hassles.

[Anonymous]

This would bother me greatly OP

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should complain, OP. She might feel bad that the other young people are lower-income and that she never got to develop a relationship with them because of her estrangement with her siblings.

Separately, I witnessed a terrible inheritance battle in my mother's family, and came away convinced that no matter what (unless there's one with dire special needs or something like that), inheritance has to be split evenly. To prevent situations like yours.

But again... it's not your place to complain.

[Anonymous]

So she has 8 nieces and nephews including your kids? She is their aunt right?

[Anonymous]

No, it wouldn’t bother me. I don’t care what someone does with their money. She is obligated to give it out equally, morally or otherwise

[Anonymous]

Hudders wrote:Thank you all for your response. I appreciate that.

I totally agree, her business. It truly isn't about the money. For example, she could leave my kids $50. It's about them just being left out. The parents (my siblings) of nieces and nephews do make less than we do but we are totally not wealthy. It's not about me, to me it's about the kids feelings.

I am not going to say anything. You are right it 100% her business. I respect that.

You know what it may be a little about money for me now that I'm purging my feelings. She owes me money and I've never expected it back. I'm the person who has always been 'her person' taken her to surgeries, helped heal (we do for each other), the only one who gives her gifts for birthday, Xmas, etc.. I'm just surprised. Maybe it is her way of making up with my siblings -treating their kids nicely. Thanks everyone.

I think leaving $50 would be even worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it wouldn’t bother me. I don’t care what someone does with their money. She is obligated to give it out equally, morally or otherwise

It would bother me not who giving $ to buy that she told me. It’s her $ to leave to people whoever it, but weird to me to tell you she is leaving it to all other relatives. Guess she wanted your blessing in advance. “It’s your $” is all would say and you are not obligated to agree with her choices.

[Anonymous]

I never let what other people do with their money bother me. It's wasted energy.

[Anonymous]

Why would her feelings for her nieces and nephews be affected by her dislike of their parents? She likely doesn’t blame the kids for the lack of a relationship and wants to give where the need is.