Can we talk about parenting suicidal children

[Anonymous]

We spend so much time as a society on suicide prevention. And rightfully so.

But I am not sure there are enough resources available to the parents who are being terrorized by caring for teens and young adults who express suicide ideation. It’s beyond traumatizing and crazy expensive.

[Anonymous]

There absolutely are not enough resources available for youth and teen mental health, including suicidal teens and youth. My husband died and I could not find an in-person teen grief group for my kids, despite looking myself and having the hospice provider look. Almost no therapists for kids take insurance. It is a huge struggle, and I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Having gone through this for many years, all I can say now is that I still have PTSD and certain pretty regularly occurring things can trigger it. There are not enough resources and even if you start out with good support, you may be surprised by how many people drop you. And, unlike other illnesses, people aren’t lining up to bring you casseroles or watch your other kids.

[Anonymous]

Its not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There absolutely are not enough resources available for youth and teen mental health, including suicidal teens and youth. My husband died and I could not find an in-person teen grief group for my kids, despite looking myself and having the hospice provider look. Almost no therapists for kids take insurance. It is a huge struggle, and I am so sorry.

There are resources but it depends on your insurance and community. I have been trying for a year to get help through our insurance, was it's been a joke. Finally got to a therapist 8 months later and she was incompetent. We stopped the sessions a few sessions in as she was so unhelpful and didn't address any concerns and just wanted to lecture my child. We reached out to the school repeatedly but basically, she was clear she had specific criteria, including race, to help and she refused to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its not about you.

No it's not, but acknowledging that it is a scary and challenging piece of parenting is okay.

OP, I am unfortunately in your shoes - I am sorry you are going through this and I'm thinking good thoughts for you and your child.

[Anonymous]

It sucks. Takes away almost all of your natural parenting instincts due to fear. I hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its not about you.

Actually it is. As a parent, you spend your time trying to find the magic bean that will cure your kid. You worry beyond belief if they are home even five minutes late. You watch them lay in bed for days not moving even to eat or go to the bathroom because their depression is so heavy that they can’t move. You get called by the school so often that every time your phone rings you want to vomit and cry. You rush to the school or the hospital everytime they try and thank the Lord this time they weren’t successful. You live with the medical consequences of the attempts and that to the endless list of what you are doing to try to keep your child safe and your family running. You take a picture every time your child leaves the house so you can give the description for the BOLO and Amber alert. You deal with the physical and emotional scars of their violence and you spend your money on repairing walls, doors and everything else that gets destroyed by their rages.

It is about those of us who parent these kids and the other family members who live with them. We can’t control it or fix it but we have to live with the consequences sequences and pick up the pieces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sucks. Takes away almost all of your natural parenting instincts due to fear. I hate it.

not to mention sleeping terribly and lightly at night, waking at every noise, to run to kid's room to check on them and make sure they didn't decide to hurt themselves. You then go through your day like a zombie and/or in an agitated state. You find 95% of your attention goes to the suicidal kid and the other kids are close to ignored. Very sad and destructive for whole family.

[Anonymous]

Can any parents who BTDT chime in with success stories? The hardest part, for me, parenting a child with suicidal ideation (tied to OCD, intrusive thought cycle) has been finding resources. I have found one therapist in our area who sees kids with this type of OCD in-person, but she has a waiting list--- it just feels like we have the diagnosis but no qualified professional to help navigate from here. So I am left holding my breath, praying and living day-by-day until we find the right support. Hugs to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can any parents who BTDT chime in with success stories? The hardest part, for me, parenting a child with suicidal ideation (tied to OCD, intrusive thought cycle) has been finding resources. I have found one therapist in our area who sees kids with this type of OCD in-person, but she has a waiting list--- it just feels like we have the diagnosis but no qualified professional to help navigate from here. So I am left holding my breath, praying and living day-by-day until we find the right support. Hugs to you, OP.

Sure. It was a long road for us. I am PP 12:43. It took 6 years to get stability and a full year after to get on a path to success.

Breakdown occurred Fall of freshman year of HS. There were 6 hospitalizations and a 4 month residential treatment stint the first 15 months. The number of medication changes and provider changes during that period escapes me but it was a lot.

That was followed by a non mainstream special ed placement where he had yet another suicide attempt and wound up back in RTC.

During that period there were so many times he didn’t come home and we’d find him really messed up. He constantly turned his phone off so we couldn’t find him, though sometimes he’d call his older brother who always would go look for him. The police were our best friends.
They were at our house so often I felt like I should get them Christmas gifts.

Then came Covid. I cannot even begin to explain that level of hell, only to be outdone by the subsequent psychotic break. You think there are no resources now but covid was a total desert.

There were times the violence was bad. I always had an escape plan which was quite elaborate. There was tons of property damage. And finally there was an assault, followed by a few months of involuntary commitment. After that I refused to allow him to come home. After a week and a half in what I’m sure was a pay by the hour motel on his own dime and with his bank account dwindling, he presented me with a contract and asked for another chance. I said yes and he has complied with the contract. It is a zero tolerance for infractions arrangement. It hasn’t always been easy because his anxiety got in the way a lot of success but he persevered and we all pitched in to help him be successful.

But now he’s optimally medicated - no easy feat because he had to find a doctor willing to go out in a limb and prescribe medication that is contraindicated for those who have had a psychotic break. He’s in college making good grades. He’s working. He’s made amends with his siblings and they are all now very close. It’s like a miracle. The road was long but success begets success. What never worked was talk therapy, but we kept trying it.

Insurance covered a lot of what we did but our bills were in the mid five figures. It was worth it.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can any parents who BTDT chime in with success stories? The hardest part, for me, parenting a child with suicidal ideation (tied to OCD, intrusive thought cycle) has been finding resources. I have found one therapist in our area who sees kids with this type of OCD in-person, but she has a waiting list--- it just feels like we have the diagnosis but no qualified professional to help navigate from here. So I am left holding my breath, praying and living day-by-day until we find the right support. Hugs to you, OP.

Sure. It was a long road for us. I am PP 12:43. It took 6 years to get stability and a full year after to get on a path to success.

Breakdown occurred Fall of freshman year of HS. There were 6 hospitalizations and a 4 month residential treatment stint the first 15 months. The number of medication changes and provider changes during that period escapes me but it was a lot.

That was followed by a non mainstream special ed placement where he had yet another suicide attempt and wound up back in RTC.

During that period there were so many times he didn’t come home and we’d find him really messed up. He constantly turned his phone off so we couldn’t find him, though sometimes he’d call his older brother who always would go look for him. The police were our best friends.
They were at our house so often I felt like I should get them Christmas gifts.

Then came Covid. I cannot even begin to explain that level of hell, only to be outdone by the subsequent psychotic break. You think there are no resources now but covid was a total desert.

There were times the violence was bad. I always had an escape plan which was quite elaborate. There was tons of property damage. And finally there was an assault, followed by a few months of involuntary commitment. After that I refused to allow him to come home. After a week and a half in what I’m sure was a pay by the hour motel on his own dime and with his bank account dwindling, he presented me with a contract and asked for another chance. I said yes and he has complied with the contract. It is a zero tolerance for infractions arrangement. It hasn’t always been easy because his anxiety got in the way a lot of success but he persevered and we all pitched in to help him be successful.

But now he’s optimally medicated - no easy feat because he had to find a doctor willing to go out in a limb and prescribe medication that is contraindicated for those who have had a psychotic break. He’s in college making good grades. He’s working. He’s made amends with his siblings and they are all now very close. It’s like a miracle. The road was long but success begets success. What never worked was talk therapy, but we kept trying it.

Insurance covered a lot of what we did but our bills were in the mid five figures. It was worth it.

Good luck.

Wow, PP, thank you for sharing. Your story brought both chills and tears. Your son is very lucky to have you as a mom. May you feel peace and in love in your home and life now. Way to go, Momma!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can any parents who BTDT chime in with success stories? The hardest part, for me, parenting a child with suicidal ideation (tied to OCD, intrusive thought cycle) has been finding resources. I have found one therapist in our area who sees kids with this type of OCD in-person, but she has a waiting list--- it just feels like we have the diagnosis but no qualified professional to help navigate from here. So I am left holding my breath, praying and living day-by-day until we find the right support. Hugs to you, OP.

Sure. It was a long road for us. I am PP 12:43. It took 6 years to get stability and a full year after to get on a path to success.

Breakdown occurred Fall of freshman year of HS. There were 6 hospitalizations and a 4 month residential treatment stint the first 15 months. The number of medication changes and provider changes during that period escapes me but it was a lot.

That was followed by a non mainstream special ed placement where he had yet another suicide attempt and wound up back in RTC.

During that period there were so many times he didn’t come home and we’d find him really messed up. He constantly turned his phone off so we couldn’t find him, though sometimes he’d call his older brother who always would go look for him. The police were our best friends.
They were at our house so often I felt like I should get them Christmas gifts.

Then came Covid. I cannot even begin to explain that level of hell, only to be outdone by the subsequent psychotic break. You think there are no resources now but covid was a total desert.

There were times the violence was bad. I always had an escape plan which was quite elaborate. There was tons of property damage. And finally there was an assault, followed by a few months of involuntary commitment. After that I refused to allow him to come home. After a week and a half in what I’m sure was a pay by the hour motel on his own dime and with his bank account dwindling, he presented me with a contract and asked for another chance. I said yes and he has complied with the contract. It is a zero tolerance for infractions arrangement. It hasn’t always been easy because his anxiety got in the way a lot of success but he persevered and we all pitched in to help him be successful.

But now he’s optimally medicated - no easy feat because he had to find a doctor willing to go out in a limb and prescribe medication that is contraindicated for those who have had a psychotic break. He’s in college making good grades. He’s working. He’s made amends with his siblings and they are all now very close. It’s like a miracle. The road was long but success begets success. What never worked was talk therapy, but we kept trying it.

Insurance covered a lot of what we did but our bills were in the mid five figures. It was worth it.

Good luck.

Wow ! What meds is he on now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can any parents who BTDT chime in with success stories? The hardest part, for me, parenting a child with suicidal ideation (tied to OCD, intrusive thought cycle) has been finding resources. I have found one therapist in our area who sees kids with this type of OCD in-person, but she has a waiting list--- it just feels like we have the diagnosis but no qualified professional to help navigate from here. So I am left holding my breath, praying and living day-by-day until we find the right support. Hugs to you, OP.

Sure. It was a long road for us. I am PP 12:43. It took 6 years to get stability and a full year after to get on a path to success.

Breakdown occurred Fall of freshman year of HS. There were 6 hospitalizations and a 4 month residential treatment stint the first 15 months. The number of medication changes and provider changes during that period escapes me but it was a lot.

That was followed by a non mainstream special ed placement where he had yet another suicide attempt and wound up back in RTC.

During that period there were so many times he didn’t come home and we’d find him really messed up. He constantly turned his phone off so we couldn’t find him, though sometimes he’d call his older brother who always would go look for him. The police were our best friends.
They were at our house so often I felt like I should get them Christmas gifts.

Then came Covid. I cannot even begin to explain that level of hell, only to be outdone by the subsequent psychotic break. You think there are no resources now but covid was a total desert.

There were times the violence was bad. I always had an escape plan which was quite elaborate. There was tons of property damage. And finally there was an assault, followed by a few months of involuntary commitment. After that I refused to allow him to come home. After a week and a half in what I’m sure was a pay by the hour motel on his own dime and with his bank account dwindling, he presented me with a contract and asked for another chance. I said yes and he has complied with the contract. It is a zero tolerance for infractions arrangement. It hasn’t always been easy because his anxiety got in the way a lot of success but he persevered and we all pitched in to help him be successful.

But now he’s optimally medicated - no easy feat because he had to find a doctor willing to go out in a limb and prescribe medication that is contraindicated for those who have had a psychotic break. He’s in college making good grades. He’s working. He’s made amends with his siblings and they are all now very close. It’s like a miracle. The road was long but success begets success. What never worked was talk therapy, but we kept trying it.

Insurance covered a lot of what we did but our bills were in the mid five figures. It was worth it.

Good luck.

Wow ! What meds is he on now?

Zyprexa, Trazadone and Vyvanse (prn for that). Sleep hygiene is an important key to success so the Trazadone was a good addition. The Vyvanse is the medication we had difficulty getting but his ADHD is so severe. Getting that added really boosted his functioning.

[Anonymous]

Those years are kind of a blur, but I still get triggered by random things (6 years later).

DD is doing ok. Starting Uni. No more attempts or extended ideation after the first 4 months. She has some healthy friendships, doesn't drink hardly ever and doesn't vape or do drugs.

She is pretty addicted to her phone, working on that. She has a good job and lots of money in her savings.

It was such hell to go through, exactly what pp said - repairing the house, living in terror, being scared to check her room in the morning to wake her up for school, trying to hold it together for other kids.

Part of me still hates her for doing it. She sometimes admits it was manipulative and sometimes acts like it was because of depression. A lot seemed self inflicted. Had some therapy but can't afford it and therapists just seem to have the thank heck this isn't my life approach to my sessions.

It really sucks. Like a cloud that never fully lifts. Always everything now through the lens of the horror of it.