AITA DD Boyfriend
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Anonymous
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DD has been dating this guy for a year. Both are college age, but DD is in college and he is not. He's good looking and seems pleasant. They enjoy each others company so much they see each other every day. The issue for me is that he is not in school nor is he learning any trade or any job that will lead to promotions or even health benefits. In his working years since high school, he has no car yet he'll buy her a nice dinner out and likes to dress well.
She wants me to drive him to school with her when I drop her off. I said no way and I think after a year she should break up with him. He's going nowhere and I'm not doing anything to promote this relationship. She said she's not looking to get married and likes his company. AITA? |
Anonymous
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The more you fight against the relationship, the more they will dig in their heels.
How far away is her school? How does he normally get there? |
Anonymous
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Where does his money come from, OP? His parents? Where does he work?
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Anonymous
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Where did they meet?
How will they meet up when she is at school? What does he do all day? I would not let him come to drop off either. |
Anonymous
| OP here - she has access to one of our cars and her college is in a city. She takes public transport while there. He lives at home and works a minimum wage job from which he takes time off when he goes to see her. I'm thinking she's his long term plan. |
Anonymous
You're overthinking it. |
Anonymous
I don't understand her ask. She wants to bring her boyfriend to college move in? Is she a freshman? How is he getting back? With you? You should honor her wishes with this. They likely won't last. And if they do he will find direction. I am in a similar situation btw, but with my college freshman ds and his gf. |
Anonymous
| Yeah but at least a mill worker, or nowadays, someone in the trades could earn a living. He would not be dependent upon her. |
Anonymous
| OP here - Her college is hours away and she is going back a bit early and would like to have him there with her in her house that she shares with roommates. He will go back home, hopefully, once school starts but will take time off periodically to visit her during the semesters. They split the transportation costs. |
Anonymous
OP here - I would be happy if he could learn a trade or skill and gain decent employment. |
Anonymous
Have you invited him over for dinner, treated him like a decent human being, met his parents, and figured out why, exactly, he's not more gainfully employed? Maybe he wants to become manager of a fast food chain one day, and go up the ladder that way. You can ask him what his plans are if you get to know him. |
Anonymous
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Your daughter "splitting costs" for him to come visit is bizarre.
Hopefully she is using her own money for that. |
Anonymous
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I'd be more concerned with whether he is treating her well. That matters the most. Men take longer to mature. Don't discount him because he doesn't have the type of narrowly defined ambition 'you' care about.
A lot of high earning men treat their wives like crap. I do know parents who want that for their kids. I hope you are not one of them. |
Anonymous
OP here - yes, I have been kind, and asked questions. Most conversation is very superficial. He said his parents wouldn't pay for college but my DD heard his mother say otherwise. He once said he thought he could be a model. He spends a lot, too, on sneakers and clothes. I think I know why he doesn't have a car even after working. I don't need DD to get a rich guy, just someone who will be a partner not a, well, leach. |
Anonymous
Because he spends his money on clothes and sneakers, or because his parents don't trust him with a car? |