Household chores

[Anonymous]

Is anyone happy with how household chores are divided up in their house? Im stuck with doing all of the administrative tasks related to the house, kids, finances, etc - I get it done during the work day-- sometimes it's 15 minutes and sometimes it's 2 hours. Its basically unseen labor. Id be fine with it if DH also pulled his weight in other areas like yardwork, fixing things, etc. but that doesn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Does he outearn you? or are you equal?
Lower income spouse should do more

[Anonymous]

I am. DH has always been an equal chore person, even before kids and has kept that up since (DS is almost 13). The nature of my job also means that DH has to handle a lot of the unseen labor for DS. He's the primary contact for school/camp. He calls to set up DS' appts on days I'm not working so I take him. If he can't get an appt like that , then DH will take him.

DH handles 99% of the unseen labor of house maintenance etc. I handle stuff like signing DS up for camps/sports.

Finances is more DH's thing so he handles it. Keeping things organized is mine so I handle that.

We split dinner duty, DH genuinely loves to cook and will run out to the store before work on nights he's cooking.

I don't really have any advice. All of this just kind of naturally fell into place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he outearn you? or are you equal?
Lower income spouse should do more

Incorrect. Spouse who has more time at home does more. If you are both away from the house 9 hours a day then you both do equal chores. Just because I make more than my spouse doesn't make my free time more valuable than theirs.

[Anonymous]

Op here- I earn about 20 percent more but consider us to be pretty equal wage earners. He teleworks most of the week whereas I am out of the house for work most days. Neither of us have stressful jobs.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I’m happy. We’ve divided up “zones.”

His zones:
Food (meal planning, grocery ordering, cooking)
School (communication, putting events on the shared calendar, volunteering)
Finances
Church (registering for Sunday school, volunteering)
Potty training
Extracurriculars
Trash
Date night planning/babysitters

My zones:
Laundry
Kids clothes (buying, tracking what’s outgrown, organizing hand me downs)
Buying stuff we need and keeping the house stocked (water bottles, school supplies, baby gear, toys, furniture, garbage bags, paper towels, etc)
Household maintenance and repairmen
School lottery and research
Nanny
Summer camps
Kids chores (management, assignment, teaching)
Parenting research/problem solving

Shared:
Childcare
Cleaning

I’m sure there are some zones I’m forgetting, but that’s the jist. We trust each other to handle our stuff. We also both work similar hours, with similar stress and similar incomes. We’re very happy together and very happy with our chore balance.

[Anonymous]

Yes. We hire them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he outearn you? or are you equal?
Lower income spouse should do more

BS!
why should the person earning less do more work at home? The hours both work should be a factor plus commute time.
I feel like I do more of the day to day drudgery but spouse does yard stuff, repairs, all the bills and finances.

[Anonymous]

People here seem to think they are Kindergarten teachers trying to schedule and divide up chores and stuff.

Just do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People here seem to think they are Kindergarten teachers trying to schedule and divide up chores and stuff.

Just do it.

Yeah.. Don't understand giving a grown ass adult a list of things to do.. Do they not have eyes? Not know what needs to be done - cleaning, errands wise? Are they even an adult?

Playing momma' /teacher/taskmaster to you spouse ..That's a huge turn off. Huge Red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I’m happy. We’ve divided up “zones.”

His zones:
Food (meal planning, grocery ordering, cooking)
School (communication, putting events on the shared calendar, volunteering)
Finances
Church (registering for Sunday school, volunteering)
Potty training
Extracurriculars
Trash
Date night planning/babysitters

My zones:
Laundry
Kids clothes (buying, tracking what’s outgrown, organizing hand me downs)
Buying stuff we need and keeping the house stocked (water bottles, school supplies, baby gear, toys, furniture, garbage bags, paper towels, etc)
Household maintenance and repairmen
School lottery and research
Nanny
Summer camps
Kids chores (management, assignment, teaching)
Parenting research/problem solving

Shared:
Childcare
Cleaning

I’m sure there are some zones I’m forgetting, but that’s the jist. We trust each other to handle our stuff. We also both work similar hours, with similar stress and similar incomes. We’re very happy together and very happy with our chore balance.

Oh wow. I do all of this with the exception of summer camp. I also do the lawn care, which isn’t on your list, but I like to do it. DH is also in charge of pest control, gift giving (including Christmas), and car maintenance.

It drives me crazy sometimes. I make about 1/3 of what DH makes, but he does not do anything like 25% of the household chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People here seem to think they are Kindergarten teachers trying to schedule and divide up chores and stuff.

Just do it.

I’m the “zones” poster and I think this is a terrible attitude.

It took maybe two hours to first brainstorm “zones” and then divvy them up. And we spend maybe an hour a year making tweaks and adjustments as the kids age and the responsibilities shift. That’s… nothing. Compared to the work and effort it takes to actually raise three kids and manage a home, that time is a drop in the bucket.

And we all know where “just do it” ends up - mom doing 80% + of this stuff. Take the time to divide up your zones, then you can each “just do it” on your stuff. No taskmaster, no scheduling.

[Anonymous]

I wasn’t happy, I did most chores (H took the trash out once a week and was supposed to do yardwork but rarely did). I was also paying 50-75% of the bills.

We tried everything, Fair Play, chore charts, everything. His true colors showed through when we were dividing up the Fair Play cards at a restaurant and he suddenly yelled “my friends warned me not to date a white woman, they don’t clean or cook!”

We divorced and I’m MUCH happier. I spent maybe 15 minutes a day on chores and the house is clean - I never realized how much of the mess and chaos was caused by him. The kids also pitch in to help (they never did before because if dad wasn’t helping, why should they?)

I do strongly recommend divorcing men who can’t pull their weight. Therapy, conversations, Fair Play, etc are all just pushing off the inevitable because there’s nothing you can do about a lazy man with a bad attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone happy with how household chores are divided up in their house? Im stuck with doing all of the administrative tasks related to the house, kids, finances, etc - I get it done during the work day-- sometimes it's 15 minutes and sometimes it's 2 hours. Its basically unseen labor. Id be fine with it if DH also pulled his weight in other areas like yardwork, fixing things, etc. but that doesn't happen.

I am sure your DH does a lot of stuff but he is doing those things so you do not “count” it as emotional labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he outearn you? or are you equal?
Lower income spouse should do more

GET EFFED!!!!!! Lower income poeple work full time too.