Am I supposed to make more effort towards future SIL?
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Anonymous
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BIL (DH’s brother) is getting married. I have never hung out with BIL alone. I see him over the holidays and family gatherings. My friends seemed surprised that I haven’t been hanging out with my future SIL.
Am I supposed to be making more effort? Do I have to take her out alone to try to get to know her better? |
Anonymous
| No |
Anonymous
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If everyone’s local and it comes up sure. Otherwise NBD.
Is there some cultural element here? Or were they high school sweethearts and you have a 4-8 year shared history already? |
Anonymous
| I mean, I think it is a nice thing to do. You will know her for the rest of your life if all goes well... |
Anonymous
No, they are a newer couple. I have known her for less than a year. They are local, live 30 minutes away. DH sees his brother about once per month. I see BIL a few times per year, usually when we host some sort of gathering. I don’t think my BIL has ever invited to anything in the 20 years I have been with his brother. I mostly see BIL at our house. |
Anonymous
| It wouldn’t hurt to reach out. |
Anonymous
| I would invite her out for lunch or dinner and make a bit of an effort. |
Anonymous
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Would be a nice gesture.. However, you don't have to |
Anonymous
| It would be nice of you. You might make a new friend. |
Anonymous
| No. It would be different if it were your brother's fiancé. I might try harder then. |
Anonymous
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No.
But I would go a little out of my way AS A FAMILY to make her feel included in the family, even if it’s only YOUR nuclear family. Things like remembering her birthday, even if it’s just with a text. Being sure to send a Christmas card addressed to her, too. Just generally treating her like family when she’s in your presence. |
Anonymous
Did you even read the post? Seriously? Wtf is this response? |
Anonymous
Um, those of us with two brain cells to rub together were able to instantly understand what PP meant. -NP |
Anonymous
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Obviously it is not required, but it would be nice.
It doesn’t have to be just the two of you- ask DH to invite them over for dinner or go out to dinner the 4 of you maybe? That would make more sense TBH. And do small things like text her: congratulations on the engagement (from you personally), happy birthday, things like that. Start there and see where it goes. Be welcoming but take it slow (IMO). No need to push being personal friends right now, but be friendly. She may not even want to be friends but try to do the above and feel things out a bit. See how it goes. |
Anonymous
Echhh, don’t get in the middle of your siblings romantic relationship. Or your in-laws siblings’. You’ll never be her Go To gossip friend and if that doesn’t happen it will come with time, not forced meet ups during the engagement. Offer to help with any wedding planning or logistics since yours local and take it slow. |