From BS to College

[Anonymous]

DD leaves for college in a few weeks. We’re arguing about if I should take her and help her move in. Her point is that she’s done this on her own for the last 3 years. And she’s right. Do I really need to go? It would be nice but she left the nest a few years ago, we’ve established a rhythm for texting/calling, and she just doesn’t seem to need me for this. She said she’d rather I come out in Oct and visit her. I said I could do both. I suppose BS taught her independence and now she wants to exert it.

[Anonymous]

Which are you leaning with? If you don’t go, could you potentially regret it later?

[Anonymous]

Some schools do offer programming for their parents as part of the dropoff process. If her school does and it seems useful, go.

She can still be independent - you just drop off her and her stuff, wave goodbye, and let her do her thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some schools do offer programming for their parents as part of the dropoff process. If her school does and it seems useful, go.

She can still be independent - you just drop off her and her stuff, wave goodbye, and let her do her thing.

2 hr window to unload followed by a family BBQ for dinner. Nothing really for parents to do.

[Anonymous]

Will she feels weird going to a bbq where all the other students are with their parents and she’s by herself?

[Anonymous]

You don't *need* to go, but I would certainly want to. Why doesn't she want you there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD leaves for college in a few weeks. We’re arguing about if I should take her and help her move in. Her point is that she’s done this on her own for the last 3 years. And she’s right. Do I really need to go? It would be nice but she left the nest a few years ago, we’ve established a rhythm for texting/calling, and she just doesn’t seem to need me for this. She said she’d rather I come out in Oct and visit her. I said I could do both. I suppose BS taught her independence and now she wants to exert it.

Surprise, surprise.

You reap what you sow, OP.

[Anonymous]

Clearly she’s angry at you for shipping her away to BS so young.

[Anonymous]

My kids didn't go to boarding school, but I was there briefly for drop-off and then went again for family weekend in October. It's OK to want to go for yourself, because this is a momentous time for a parent. Maybe she'll resent you for going, but it also seems possible that eventually she would resent you for not going.

[Anonymous]

You probably don’t need to be there but I can understand why you would want to be. College drop off is a significant milestone for a child but also for parents who helped their DC get to that point. If it’s important to you to be there, talk with your DD and try to better understand why she doesn’t want you there. Try to reach a compromise - eg. you drop her off but let her have her space while she’s unpacking, meeting her roommate, etc.

If you don’t feel strongly about being there, that’s also okay. I’m sure she’s capable of doing this herself and I can understand why it would be a less significant milestone for someone who has already been on her own for years. I did not attend BS and neither do my kids. College was the first time I was ever on my own for any significant period of time, and
31 years later, I still remember everything about drop off day (excitement mixed with nervousness, hugging my parents good bye, etc.). My parents also helped me move into my apartment when I started law school and I remember very little of the day. It just wasn’t as significant, given that I was more independent at that point and had lived away from my parents during the school year in college.

[Anonymous]

I had twin college roommates back in the day… and they were fiercely independent. Moved across the country without their parents help. The twins had each other. Both played a D1 sport at college. Their parents never visited in 4 years of college. Never saw them play one game. The girls never seemed to care. But it was sad to me.

The parents finally came to help them pack up their stuff at graduation. Warm family. But I never forgot how sad I felt for them. Independent or not.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t you help her move in each year at boarding school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had twin college roommates back in the day… and they were fiercely independent. Moved across the country without their parents help. The twins had each other. Both played a D1 sport at college. Their parents never visited in 4 years of college. Never saw them play one game. The girls never seemed to care. But it was sad to me.

The parents finally came to help them pack up their stuff at graduation. Warm family. But I never forgot how sad I felt for them. Independent or not.

That is sad. I played a college sport and it meant so much to me when my parents came to my games. You can be very independent and still have close ties to your family and want them to be involved in your life.

[Anonymous]

I can understand why you might like to be there and, of so, simply do what one person suggested, drop off and head to the parent event.

[Anonymous]

This thread is ridiculous and out of touch.