Adult child (still in college) basically moving out

[Anonymous]

We get along well with our oldest child, a rising junior in college. After a quiet life during the pandemic, they have greatly expanded their friends, have a partner now, and go out all the time. They are so happy, and we are happy for them.

That said, my heart aches a little bit because child receive an opportunity for a nice campus apartment (with a kitchen!) but the lease will take them into the summer.

I know I've been so lucky they have been home for summers so far, but this is hard to process.

Do I just tell myself time heals all wounds? LOL

Please provide advice for a slightly sad and nostalgic parent who also realizes these are normal steps for an adult child to take. I'm so happy and also teary eyed...and would like my five year old back for a day, please. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We get along well with our oldest child, a rising junior in college. After a quiet life during the pandemic, they have greatly expanded their friends, have a partner now, and go out all the time. They are so happy, and we are happy for them.

That said, my heart aches a little bit because child receive an opportunity for a nice campus apartment (with a kitchen!) but the lease will take them into the summer.

I know I've been so lucky they have been home for summers so far, but this is hard to process.

Do I just tell myself time heals all wounds? LOL

Please provide advice for a slightly sad and nostalgic parent who also realizes these are normal steps for an adult child to take. I'm so happy and also teary eyed...and would like my five year old back for a day, please. Thank you.

Dear lord.

You don't have a five-year-old, OP.

This is an only child, right?

[Anonymous]

Have them come home for stays over the summer. Nothing wrong with being sad -- it's perfectly normal.

[Anonymous]

My college apartments had full-year leases, but I still an always came home over the summer. That was how most people did it.

[Anonymous]

This is very common in the south.

[Anonymous]

They aren’t really moving out, they don’t have a stable income to support the apartment, the partner, the health insurance…?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My college apartments had full-year leases, but I still an always came home over the summer. That was how most people did it.

+1
Even in grad school because my internships were close to home, not school.

[Anonymous]

You will still see them; you'll just have to be more intentional about it. Around Thanksgiving or winter break, start talking about potential plans for a visit next summer: them coming home, you going there, or a family trip somewhere else. My son is still returning home but I do notice that all of his planning with his friends tends to be last minute, so if I want family time I have to be gently persistent to get it on his calendar.

[Anonymous]

You go to visit them. You stay in a hotel and you have the expectations of only a few meals/hours with them. Let them lead, what works for their schedule. If they don't want to clean or prepare for your visit, don't insist on entering the apartment. You need to learn and experience their life there, in whatever location it is. It's only fair. You are entering a relationship of near peers. Learn what's special about their area and make some new memories where your DC lives, with them and separately for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We get along well with our oldest child, a rising junior in college. After a quiet life during the pandemic, they have greatly expanded their friends, have a partner now, and go out all the time. They are so happy, and we are happy for them.

That said, my heart aches a little bit because child receive an opportunity for a nice campus apartment (with a kitchen!) but the lease will take them into the summer.

I know I've been so lucky they have been home for summers so far, but this is hard to process.

Do I just tell myself time heals all wounds? LOL

Please provide advice for a slightly sad and nostalgic parent who also realizes these are normal steps for an adult child to take. I'm so happy and also teary eyed...and would like my five year old back for a day, please. Thank you.

What wound? They're living independently as an adult. Be proud of them and develop your own life.

[Anonymous]

Our adult children who are now 10 years out of high school, we have visited where they live (college town and then post-college state where they work) nearly as often as they have "come home."

Accept the idea that you'll have to put in the effort. And equal or almost equal effort.

[Anonymous]

I went home to FL and worked a patronage part time job at the DMV the first 2 years of college. I stayed up in MA and worked there the last 2 summers. One of my jobs included dorm space.

[Anonymous]

There are off campus apts that are not year round rentals? Most of the kids I know still come home for the summer unless they have internships or a job related to their degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My college apartments had full-year leases, but I still an always came home over the summer. That was how most people did it.

+1
Even in grad school because my internships were close to home, not school.

Okay. That makes me feel better.

Thanks!

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You go to visit them. You stay in a hotel and you have the expectations of only a few meals/hours with them. Let them lead, what works for their schedule. If they don't want to clean or prepare for your visit, don't insist on entering the apartment. You need to learn and experience their life there, in whatever location it is. It's only fair. You are entering a relationship of near peers. Learn what's special about their area and make some new memories where your DC lives, with them and separately for yourself.

This is good advice. Thank you!

OP