Paying for Grad School

[Anonymous]

DD (21) is going to grad school - phD. She will be receiving stipend. I am not sure if she can live in the budget. All through undergrad, we just pay for her credit card expense and remind her when the bill is due. I have to remind her to pay rent. All her roommates doesn't remember to pay rent at the beginning of the month, too. It seems like the college kid don't care about finance not just my DD. Should I cut her off completely now and let her figure out the finance herself? I can feel the late fees will be hitting her soon. She does have a job through undergrad and she is late entering the work hours in the timesheet so she will miss her paycheck period and have to wait another 2 weeks. How do you teach your adult child to be financially responsible? Her priority is school work and not finance. DD will say "I am too busy doing .... - can you log in and pay ....." I do understand that DD is busy.. but....

[Anonymous]

Yes. A 21 year old with a college degree should pay her own rent on time.

[Anonymous]

I feel like it's harsh to let late fees hit. I also feel like it's important to make sure our kids live within their means. And, I think when our kids are doing hard things, like going to grad school and working, it's ok to take on some responsibility. In your shoes, I might take on the bill payment or help her set up automatic payments (I mean, rent is due the same day every month so it's a two second process). But, I would be careful about bailing out when there is financial irresponsibility.

I say this as a parent of three adult kids, two of whom are really great about money management and one who is coming to it so very slowly, but progressing.

[Anonymous]

No, you shouldn't do anything. You should tell your DD about the new way things will happen and let her know about the importance of calendar reminders, but that's it. I think you're really doing your DC a disservice by not letting them figure it out. It's sending a weird message that they can't do it without your help.

[Anonymous]

If you cut her off she will start an OF.

[Anonymous]

It’s time to let go, she needs to live 100% on her own stipend. She will learn!

[Anonymous]

Yes you need to cut her off. In grad school, make her ask for your help instead of you asking or offering. most kids hate asking parents and eventually it will be less and less. she sounds like what my kids used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. A 21 year old with a college degree should pay her own rent on time.

+1

It's definately not all college kids. Just ones whose parents have not taken the time to teach them the basics in life. Both of my kids managed to pay their rent successfully in college. One only had to do it every 6 months (smart landlord who collects only 2x per year because they know they want to get paid), but that kid moved on with a job immediately upon graduation and pays monthly, by setting up automatic payments. Not that difficult for a kid with a college degree to understand.

[Anonymous]

You need to let her learn from her mistakes. It isn't harsh. It's the best teacher. If your kid can't remember a monthly bill even with calendar reminders, how on earth are they capable of a PhD?

[Anonymous]

You can send her a check, in the mail, if she needs money. That requires her to plan ahead and ask and wait and go to a bank. These are skills she should have learned 3 years ago. You should not have access to her account and be logging in. She will learn through doing it, right now you’re robbing her of the opportunity to learn by doing it for her.

[Anonymous]

I think some kids truly need a lesson in this - it's just not intuitive for them. Sit her down and have a budget talk. Announce that you will not be covering her credit card so you'd like to show her how you set up a budget and schedule payments so she'll have a plan to get her rent and bills paid on time. If you feel you want to supplement her stipend, you can tell her that you'll send her a check for $X on the first of every month, but it's on her to apply it. Remind her that every missed payment eats money away needlessly in fees.

I had my daughter set a reminder on her phone to sit down and open her accounts on the 1st, 15th, and 30th of each month and check her balances and pay bills. She also set up and autopay of the minimum on her credit card so she doesn't accidently get whacked with a fee. She now keeps a spreadsheet to track her spending and saving because she wants to save for some big things.

[Anonymous]

There is no excuse to miss payments- sit down with your DD and set up automatic payments from her account. I have a DD the same age doing the the same thing- Graduate Assistantship. I gave her a $2000 budget for Apt furnishings (she has 1 roommate) anything beyond that she buys. She will pay all bills other than car, car insurance and cell phone while in grad school. She made her own budget and has over 10k in savings (she has worked to save while in HS and undergrad) Because she had a partial scholarship in undergrad, she has some 529 left. I will pull that down a bit to supplement her budget (this will allow her to do some vacations and continue saving that she couldn’t otherwise afford)

[Anonymous]

This is not about paying for grad school OP. Incorrectly titled thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s time to let go, she needs to live 100% on her own stipend. She will learn!

Yup. My child was in a dorm all four years of undergrad and didn’t have to pay any bills since we paid for tuition and room/board. He is doing just fine living off his PhD stipend, living in an apartment and handling bills.

[Anonymous]

There is no one size fits all way. We paid their rents, tuitions and other expenses until they finished schools and got their first proper professional jobs with benefits etc.