DS only texts and calls his dad

[Anonymous]

My son just turned 16. I'm divorced from his dad, but it is very amicable and we still do things together fairly regularly (like once or twice a month) as a family. DS is pleasant enough to me, but he is away all summer at a pre college program and has basically been responding with one word answers to my texts. My ex mentioned something about DS and a girl he is interested in, and I asked him how he knew - my ex said he has been texting him and calling him regularly. I feel hurt by this. I'm not sure why DS prefers to be in contact only with his dad and not me. I asked my ex why he thought this was and he said he really didn't know and suggested that maybe boys only become closer with their moms as young adults. Is this typical and am I wrong to feel hurt?

[Anonymous]

You need to examine yourself and figure out why this is, and fix it. Not be mad at your kid about it.

[Anonymous]

I think this is 100% normal, it's just harder for you because you're divorced.

Does your son have a personality that meshes more with his dad? I know my DH definitely talks more about "guy conversations" with his dad than his mom.

Also, are you more of a parent than a friend? No judgement but friends get more calls. Your son is still 16 so it's a couple of years too young to drop the parenting role though.

[Anonymous]

I have two teen boys and their father and I are married for 20+ years. My boys seem closer and more communicative with their dad than with me. It's fine and typical. I am just happy they have a father who loves them who they trust and rely on. I'm spending my free time nurturing my friendships and working on myself.

[Anonymous]

our kids mostly reach out to me (DH) and i don't think my dw cares, but we are not divorced

[Anonymous]

Kids feel closer to different parents at different points in time and it can change at any moment. I am married and one ours was away at camp this summer. I was the one that drove our daughter and everything was fine. The entire time she was there, I gave her space but occasionally checked in and got no response at all. Days later I’d get a one word answer. My husband got several updates and even a phone call. When she got back, my husband got a lot more details about it and I basically had silence on the car ride home.

My point is, even if you were married there would be times you wouldn’t be hearing from kids. I never told my parents about anyone I was interested in.

We have an older kid too and he’s gone through times where he’s closer to one or the other. It’s great your son is talking to at least one parent and that you two are communicating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son just turned 16. I'm divorced from his dad, but it is very amicable and we still do things together fairly regularly (like once or twice a month) as a family. DS is pleasant enough to me, but he is away all summer at a pre college program and has basically been responding with one word answers to my texts. My ex mentioned something about DS and a girl he is interested in, and I asked him how he knew - my ex said he has been texting him and calling him regularly. I feel hurt by this. I'm not sure why DS prefers to be in contact only with his dad and not me. I asked my ex why he thought this was and he said he really didn't know and suggested that maybe boys only become closer with their moms as young adults. Is this typical and am I wrong to feel hurt?

Typical and age appropriate. Don’t sulk.

[Anonymous]

Your son doesn't want to talk to you about girls. This is normal.

[Anonymous]

Are you initiating and asking questions? It’s a two way street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son just turned 16. I'm divorced from his dad, but it is very amicable and we still do things together fairly regularly (like once or twice a month) as a family. DS is pleasant enough to me, but he is away all summer at a pre college program and has basically been responding with one word answers to my texts. My ex mentioned something about DS and a girl he is interested in, and I asked him how he knew - my ex said he has been texting him and calling him regularly. I feel hurt by this. I'm not sure why DS prefers to be in contact only with his dad and not me. I asked my ex why he thought this was and he said he really didn't know and suggested that maybe boys only become closer with their moms as young adults. Is this typical and am I wrong to feel hurt?

Typical and age appropriate. Don’t sulk.

This.
He is looking to somebody to guide him in manhood.
Sorry mom, but you'll never be that man!

[Anonymous]

Are you initiating and asking questions? It’s a two way street.

Yes. I'm not asking him about girls, though. Just how it is going with his roommate, how the classes are, what he thought of an activity that the group went to etc.

[Anonymous]

Does your son have a personality that meshes more with his dad? I know my DH definitely talks more about "guy conversations" with his dad than his mom.

His personality meshes pretty well with both of us, I think, but he and his dad have more common interests. I can follow sports to watch, but don't play any, and I don't like video games (my ex likes some).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son just turned 16. I'm divorced from his dad, but it is very amicable and we still do things together fairly regularly (like once or twice a month) as a family. DS is pleasant enough to me, but he is away all summer at a pre college program and has basically been responding with one word answers to my texts. My ex mentioned something about DS and a girl he is interested in, and I asked him how he knew - my ex said he has been texting him and calling him regularly. I feel hurt by this. I'm not sure why DS prefers to be in contact only with his dad and not me. I asked my ex why he thought this was and he said he really didn't know and suggested that maybe boys only become closer with their moms as young adults. Is this typical and am I wrong to feel hurt?

Typical and age appropriate. Don’t sulk.

This.
He is looking to somebody to guide him in manhood.
Sorry mom, but you'll never be that man!

+1. Also, if things are so amicable, why are you divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Are you initiating and asking questions? It’s a two way street.

Yes. I'm not asking him about girls, though. Just how it is going with his roommate, how the classes are, what he thought of an activity that the group went to etc.

Not stuff he's interested in talking about, unfortunately. It's tough, OP, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son just turned 16. I'm divorced from his dad, but it is very amicable and we still do things together fairly regularly (like once or twice a month) as a family. DS is pleasant enough to me, but he is away all summer at a pre college program and has basically been responding with one word answers to my texts. My ex mentioned something about DS and a girl he is interested in, and I asked him how he knew - my ex said he has been texting him and calling him regularly. I feel hurt by this. I'm not sure why DS prefers to be in contact only with his dad and not me. I asked my ex why he thought this was and he said he really didn't know and suggested that maybe boys only become closer with their moms as young adults. Is this typical and am I wrong to feel hurt?

Typical and age appropriate. Don’t sulk.

This.
He is looking to somebody to guide him in manhood.
Sorry mom, but you'll never be that man!

+1. Also, if things are so amicable, why are you divorced?

I’m not OP but that wasn’t necessary and so judgmental. Go away.