Am I Wrong? Husband Wants DD to Clean Up After Him

[Anonymous]

My husband is a slob. I mean, I will come home and the dishes are sky high, crumbs all over the floor, food splatter on the stove and backsplash behind the stove. I HATE cleaning up in any space that he has been. We recently saw a marriage counselor for some unrelated issues and the issue regarding him not cleaning up after himself and leaving messes everywhere.

Recently he said that our DD, who is 15, should start washing dishes, cleaning the kitchen, etc., every night. I have no problem with her cleaning but I think he is such an extreme case of messiness and disorganization that I feel like it is unfair to her. Right now he is home and not working. When I come home from work, the blender is still in the sink, parts of the air fryer, plates, as well as mixing bowls are in the sink and the counter has not been wiped down. I have a problem with him essentially making it my DD’s responsibility to clean up after a grown man. I also don’t want to teach her that she should clean up after any adult.

He says I’m being too protective of her. Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

He is disgusting - you are not wrong. My husband tends to think my kids can just do all the chores. I think that is unfair - we all live here- we can all pitch in, including dh. I have no problem with my kids cleaning up anything we all contribute to, but there is no way I'd tolerate my dd cleaning up after my dh.

[Anonymous]

You are not wrong. You could have cleaning up the dinner dishes be a chore that she does to teach her life skills and also pitching in as a family member.

But his pre-dinner mess has to be cleaned up first, by him. She's not his servant and he's not slick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not wrong. You could have cleaning up the dinner dishes be a chore that she does to teach her life skills and also pitching in as a family member.

But his pre-dinner mess has to be cleaned up first, by him. She's not his servant and he's not slick.

I agree. I have no problem having my child clean the kitchen after dinner and take care of the dishes. But his mess from the day needs to be cleaned before dinner is cooked, and not by dd.

[Anonymous]

He is home and not working? Wtf? Why is this even a question, OP? I agree that it’s fair for a 15 year old to do their part and have chores. Even more importantly, I believe that grown ass adults should do their fair share for the household. If he wants her to be responsible, he should lead by example.

[Anonymous]

What is your husband doing to contribute to the HOUSEHOLD? Not just himself, but the family? It's fine if DD has some chores to contribute to the household, but cleaning up after her father has made breakfast and lunch for HIMSELF? No.

I would not allow that. But I also would not have married a slob. If he became a slob after marriage I'd divorce.

[Anonymous]

I say you should all rotate the kitchen clean up. You on Monday, DH on Tuesday and DD on Wednesday. Repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say you should all rotate the kitchen clean up. You on Monday, DH on Tuesday and DD on Wednesday. Repeat.

Rotating is a bad deal. Everyone should clean up after themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is home and not working? Wtf? Why is this even a question, OP? I agree that it’s fair for a 15 year old to do their part and have chores. Even more importantly, I believe that grown ass adults should do their fair share for the household. If he wants her to be responsible, he should lead by example.

I can’t believe it took a couple of posts to get to this! He is not working, making a mess all day and then expects your kid to clean it? Why are you here crowd sourcing this?

If I make a mess because I’m cooking a meal for the entire family, then yes, kids can and should help with clean up. But if I’m home all day and making meals/snacks for myself, then I’m responsible for cleaning that, not my teenagers.

[Anonymous]

It might be too late for you, although I hope not. But it is not too late to rescue her. From a future bad marriage/life.

Please don’t let him force her into servitude.

I would call a family law expert, not a marriage counselor. He sounds like a pig.

[Anonymous]

If everyone is cleaning up after themselves you wouldn’t need anyone to do the dishes everyone would do their own dishes. Make that the rule.

[Anonymous]

You are not wrong op I completely agree with you. Reasonable for a kid/teen to clean up after family dinner but they absolutely shouldn’t be responsible for cleaning up after a days worth of mess Dad has created and ridiculously left for others to clean up after him while not working. That is a horrible example and like you said teaches her it’s her job to clean up after messy men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If everyone is cleaning up after themselves you wouldn’t need anyone to do the dishes everyone would do their own dishes. Make that the rule.

I was the first person to respond. Everyone cleans up after themselves in my house, but there are still pots, serving dishes, etc. someone has to wash those, unload the dishwasher, etc. again, I'm fine with that, but your husband sounds lazy/depressed/adhd. Whenever I point out my dh's deficiencies around stuff like this, he lashes out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your husband doing to contribute to the HOUSEHOLD? Not just himself, but the family? It's fine if DD has some chores to contribute to the household, but cleaning up after her father has made breakfast and lunch for HIMSELF? No.

I would not allow that. But I also would not have married a slob. If he became a slob after marriage I'd divorce.

He became a slob after marriage. He was laid off a couple of months ago and is now job hunting. Is otherwise highly educated and a high earner and contributed/continues to contribute to household expenses/bills. At least for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If everyone is cleaning up after themselves you wouldn’t need anyone to do the dishes everyone would do their own dishes. Make that the rule.

I was the first person to respond. Everyone cleans up after themselves in my house, but there are still pots, serving dishes, etc. someone has to wash those, unload the dishwasher, etc. again, I'm fine with that, but your husband sounds lazy/depressed/adhd. Whenever I point out my dh's deficiencies around stuff like this, he lashes out.

This is OP. He has ADHD and is depressed and is medicated for both. But the messiness/disorganization still persists.