My mom pulled memory care staffs hair today

[Anonymous]

She is in a new facility and freaked out today and pulled a nurses hair. I am so horrified and embarassed by her and her behaviors.
She was a crappy mother to me growing up, and now she is ruining my life with her dementia and terrible behaviors. I know she is sick but I cannot stand her.
She is making my hard won, happy life miserable.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, I could have wrote this myself. I don't have an answer for you, but my therapist told me that most staff at such facilities understand that people who behave this extremely probably were awful to their family as well so you should not be embarrased.

[Anonymous]

It must have been a hard pull if the faciiity called you. Give the facility the ok to pull her hair right back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It must have been a hard pull if the faciiity called you. Give the facility the ok to pull her hair right back.

I was on the phone with them trying to talk her down when I heard the nurse yell in pain and someone said “oh Lord!”

I will be sending a card and a gift card to the woman who got hurt tomorrow. Maybe something for all the staff.

She was mean and spiteful, but she never put her hands on me or hurt me physically. But I do think she’s mean and nasty deep down.

[Anonymous]

Normal with dementia, unfortunate but it happens. They can get really mean and angry as with the dementia they have no clue what they are doing and are scared as they don't understand.

[Anonymous]

You will feel so much better if you try to let go of the hate. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will feel so much better if you try to let go of the hate. Ask me how I know.

How, exactly, did you manage this? It beats in my heart and head like a drum.
“You ruined my life” “I can’t stand you” “you make me miserable” etc.
it’s not a good thing for sure.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your plan to send a gift to the nurse and the staff in general. You aren't used to this, but they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will feel so much better if you try to let go of the hate. Ask me how I know.

How, exactly, did you manage this? It beats in my heart and head like a drum.
“You ruined my life” “I can’t stand you” “you make me miserable” etc.
it’s not a good thing for sure.

What in your life IS a good thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will feel so much better if you try to let go of the hate. Ask me how I know.

How, exactly, did you manage this? It beats in my heart and head like a drum.
“You ruined my life” “I can’t stand you” “you make me miserable” etc.
it’s not a good thing for sure.

What in your life IS a good thing?

My children and husband. My house, friends, pets, church, book club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will feel so much better if you try to let go of the hate. Ask me how I know.

How, exactly, did you manage this? It beats in my heart and head like a drum.
“You ruined my life” “I can’t stand you” “you make me miserable” etc.
it’s not a good thing for sure.

What in your life IS a good thing?

My children and husband. My house, friends, pets, church, book club.

Those are a lot of good things! Try to focus on those. Despite your mother, it sounds like you a great life. She has no power over you anymore unless you let her. You can do your daughterly duty still, but in a neutral way. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will feel so much better if you try to let go of the hate. Ask me how I know.

How, exactly, did you manage this? It beats in my heart and head like a drum.
“You ruined my life” “I can’t stand you” “you make me miserable” etc.
it’s not a good thing for sure.

What in your life IS a good thing?

My children and husband. My house, friends, pets, church, book club.

Those are a lot of good things! Try to focus on those. Despite your mother, it sounds like you a great life. She has no power over you anymore unless you let her. You can do your daughterly duty still, but in a neutral way. Good luck.

Thank you for this. I’m still horrified!

[Anonymous]

People can turn violent even if they were kind and loving before Alzheimer's. It's why I take the SAGE test from the University of Ohio to catch the earliest signs. Then I will go out as a full human being via medical aid in dying, legal in my country for the early stages of Alzheimer's.

The only ones pretending there is some semblance of life with this illness work for the elder care industry which makes a lot of kaching-kaching from it. Follow the money, it's always about that.

[Anonymous]

I relate so much OP. I like the idea of sending a gift. If you are allowed, I might send a gift card to the person she attacked and even do a little detective work to find out where she likes to shop or just do an amazon card. For the staff I might do a thank you note and a fruit basket (not anything already cut where bacteria can grow though). Keep it healthy-ish. A friend of mine worked in a nursing home to earn money for college and she said they got so much junk and the sugar crash while dealing with challenging patients and weight gain over time made the job all the more depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It must have been a hard pull if the faciiity called you. Give the facility the ok to pull her hair right back.

You can't be serious