My husband wants to let our 15-year-old son smoke marijuana in the privacy of our home

[Anonymous]

Title pretty much says it all. Our son will be starting his freshman year in August. He has received two tickets from the school, resource officer for possession of marijuana during his eighth grade year. He also got suspended for lighting a Post-it note on fire in the band room and has been caught with a vape more times than I can count.

Pretty much everyone in our family (parents, uncles, aunts, etc) partake’s of the substance, including myself. My husband‘s theory is that if we allow him to do it at home then hopefully when he’s offered it at school, he will have an easier time saying no because he understands that it will be waiting for him when he gets home.

I strongly disagree with this. I feel like it’s our duty as parents to help him make responsible decisions in life. Our son is very passionate about music, and has been featured in the “red carpet band” every year since fifth grade. Was first chair 2 consecutive years, just really gave it his all and has been very successful.

Now, he wants to give it up because he allegedly has heard from multiple sources that high school band students are subjected to drug tests and he would prefer to keep smoking.

I sincerely doubt that the school system administers UA’s to it students , but I don’t know for sure.

Am I crazy? Am I making too big of a deal out of this? I struggled with substance abuse for several decades, and I know from firsthand experience that self-medicating with substances only creates more problems. I don’t want him to go down the path that I did.

What sucks about this entire thing is that he is technically not my son. I am not his biological mother but I’ve been in his life since he was five. We have a common law marriage.

So, that makes me feel like ultimately it’s really not my decision to make. But, in the same breath, I’m the only mother that he’s ever known and I love him as if he were my own son.

Please, if you were in my situation, what would you do? How can I navigate this situation?

[Anonymous]

at the fed level, it's still illegal. kiss govt related jobs goodbye

[Anonymous]

Oh, you are trailer trash people. LOL.

When did you discover DCUM? 2016 or 2024.

[Anonymous]

There are so many red flags here, I don't know where to start.

This poor kid.

Common law marriage? Everyone in your family smokes pot? Your 15 YO would already rather smoke pot than continue a hobby and skill that has brought him enjoyment his whole life?

God help him.

[Anonymous]

Your big problem is your so-called common law marriage and your drug dependence imho. In DC, MD and VA- there is no legal recognition of a common law marriage. Your "son" will end up where he ends up.


AI Overview. -
Common law marriage is a legally recognized marriage between two people who have not obtained a formal marriage license or had a formal ceremony. Instead, it's established by the couple's conduct and intent to be married, with the specifics varying by state. Essentially, if a couple lives together, presents themselves as married, and intends to be married, some states will recognize their relationship as a common law marriage.

Understanding Common Law Marriage: States, Rights & Insights
Here's a more detailed explanation:
No Formal Ceremony or License:
The key distinction is the absence of a formal marriage license and ceremony.

Mutual Agreement and Intent:
Couples must mutually agree to be married and hold themselves out to the public as a married couple.

Cohabitation:
Living together for a significant period is often a factor considered by courts, though the required duration varies by state, according to FindLaw.

Public Representation:
The couple must present themselves to others as married, often through shared finances, joint accounts, referring to each other as husband and wife, etc.

Varying State Laws:
It's crucial to understand that not all states recognize common law marriage, says the National Conference of State Legislatures.

States that recognize it:
Currently, only a few U.S. states legally recognize common law marriage, including Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire (for limited purposes), Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Texas, and Utah.

Importance of Documentation:
While not always required, having documentation like affidavits, joint bank accounts, or other evidence can help prove the existence of a common law marriage.

Legal Implications:
Common law marriage carries the same legal rights and responsibilities as a formal marriage, including property rights, inheritance, and other legal benefits.

[Anonymous]

That’s horrifying. I’d divorce that guy. But see a lawyer to see if you can have visitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many red flags here, I don't know where to start.

This poor kid.

Common law marriage? Everyone in your family smokes pot? Your 15 YO would already rather smoke pot than continue a hobby and skill that has brought him enjoyment his whole life?

God help him.

+1000 this may be a case for cps

[Anonymous]

So many things here. No, I would not encourage him or allow him to use it at home until he’s of legal age. If anything happens, you are supplying a minor and committing a crime. And of course, him using it at home will not prevent him using it at school or with friends. It is more likely that he invites friends to use at your house.

Your bigger issue is that you and DH are not on the same page with parenting. This is the beginning of some rough years. DH and I are often not on the same page and it makes it 1000 times worse when we have these tough situations.

Your bigger concern IMO is he’s lighting fires. Even little ones. Watch that. Small fires can turn big fast and cause big trouble.

[Anonymous]

Stay in school and learn to write so you can be a better troll. First lesson, less is more- limit 1-2 obnoxious details per troll post.

[Anonymous]

11:42 again and I’m sure your kid has watch the YouTube video of the girl who set the Walmart accidentally on fire. My teen showed it to me and I found it really sad and upsetting. We had a conversation about it and he said he originally thought it was funny but never saw it as sad and upsetting until I pointed it out. You don’t want that to be your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay in school and learn to write so you can be a better troll. First lesson, less is more- limit 1-2 obnoxious details per troll post.

+1. This is totally stupid

[Anonymous]

I don't know why everyone is being so mean to someone asking for help.

OP, no I would not encourage your son to smoke. Look into the psychiatric impact of weed on young men. It is scary stuff and no way should he be allowed to smoke. You need to convince your husband that this is harmful. Not just some no big deal fun thing. Get on the same page, set a good example for him, then tell him no.

[Anonymous]

Close family member of mine developed psychosis from smoking too much weed. Why in God’s name would you encourage a child to smoke? Apart from the psychiatric effects, it has also been shown to damage lungs and the cardiovascular system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Close family member of mine developed psychosis from smoking too much weed. Why in God’s name would you encourage a child to smoke? Apart from the psychiatric effects, it has also been shown to damage lungs and the cardiovascular system.

Here is an article from the American College of Cardiology discussing how marijuana use increases heart attack risk.

https://www.acc.org/About-ACC/Press-Releases/2025/03/17/15/35/Cannabis-Users-Face-Substantially-Higher-Risk

[Anonymous]

Don’t let a 15 year-old smoke pot at home. He should not be smoking pot at all. And yet, if if you and your husband are doing it routinely in front of him or at least with his knowledge, what can one expect?

The kid is an addict and he’d rather smoke pot then play his music. Where is he going to go in life? What are his goals? You are right to be concerned.