My husband wants to let our 15-year-old son smoke marijuana in the privacy of our home

[Anonymous]

How is your 15 year old only just starting high school? My 15 year old will be a junior next month.

[Anonymous]

You are not his biological mom or legal step-mom. So you do not really get a vote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many red flags here, I don't know where to start.

This poor kid.

Common law marriage? Everyone in your family smokes pot? Your 15 YO would already rather smoke pot than continue a hobby and skill that has brought him enjoyment his whole life?

God help him.

Kid doesn't have much of a chance, so smoking at home is probably not going to make a difference one way or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:at the fed level, it's still illegal. kiss govt related jobs goodbye

This is factual. Not matter what state/local laws say, marijuana is still illegal under Federal law. Yes, civil service jobs almost always will ask. Some civil service jobs will have mandatory drug tests. Sensitive jobs also will have random drug tests. (I even avoid poppy seed muffins because it can cause a fail result on a random drug test.)

[Anonymous]

I used to live on the West Coast - California. But have many friends in Washington and Oregon. Weed/thc usage has been normalized out west for a very long time. I cannot tell you how many wonderful kids that I've known ever since they were little that have had their lives completely derailed by weed. These were stellar kids at 13 - fun, engaged, smart, curious. And by 17, so many of these kids had their world reduced to wake and bake zombies. Completely unmotivated, lazy, detached, dull. It's the dullness that's really striking. Their spirits have died because they are stoned all the time. These were such clever and lively kids. And now their future is wrecked. Maybe they manage to graduate community college in five years. But they are fundamentally checked out from life. And it's hard to recover when you've thrown away the formative adolescent years to a vape pen.

It's very sad. And like OP, the parents had very permissive attitudes. They are all regretting that now. For young people under the age of 23, THC is an incredibly disruptive drug to normal neurological development. The drug hijacks the brain and changes the neurological reward systems in formative brains. I am all for legalization, but not for anyone under 23. It's been a quiet tragedy in many families.

[Anonymous]

If you are using it, why shouldn't he? He's copying what you do. Make an agreement you all stop using for his best interests and do it. Get help for your addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title pretty much says it all. Our son will be starting his freshman year in August. He has received two tickets from the school, resource officer for possession of marijuana during his eighth grade year. He also got suspended for lighting a Post-it note on fire in the band room and has been caught with a vape more times than I can count.

Pretty much everyone in our family (parents, uncles, aunts, etc) partake’s of the substance, including myself. My husband‘s theory is that if we allow him to do it at home then hopefully when he’s offered it at school, he will have an easier time saying no because he understands that it will be waiting for him when he gets home.

I strongly disagree with this. I feel like it’s our duty as parents to help him make responsible decisions in life. Our son is very passionate about music, and has been featured in the “red carpet band” every year since fifth grade. Was first chair 2 consecutive years, just really gave it his all and has been very successful.

Now, he wants to give it up because he allegedly has heard from multiple sources that high school band students are subjected to drug tests and he would prefer to keep smoking.

I sincerely doubt that the school system administers UA’s to it students , but I don’t know for sure.

Am I crazy? Am I making too big of a deal out of this? I struggled with substance abuse for several decades, and I know from firsthand experience that self-medicating with substances only creates more problems. I don’t want him to go down the path that I did.

What sucks about this entire thing is that he is technically not my son. I am not his biological mother but I’ve been in his life since he was five. We have a common law marriage.

So, that makes me feel like ultimately it’s really not my decision to make. But, in the same breath, I’m the only mother that he’s ever known and I love him as if he were my own son.

Please, if you were in my situation, what would you do? How can I navigate this situation?

Yeah, ummmm you are contradicting yourself.