Joy after going low contact with toxic sibling

[Anonymous]

I'm so, so happy after dropping the rope with my lying, toxic sibling who can't control their emotions and acts incompetent to avoid work....but will do work when others can see them and supposedly admire them for being such a great human.

I no longer have to hear how poor they are when they own multiple homes. I no longer have to listen to possibly made up stories about their bad health. They have lied before about this to create attention and alarm. I never have to listen to paranoid accusations. I never have to hear the same stories about how horrible their husband's relations are...I am sure sibling tells them awful things about me, too!

My body and mind both feel far, far healthier.

Nowhere have I found articles about the joy of leaving this awfulness behind. I'm finally free!!

[Anonymous]

You should write your own article.

[Anonymous]

You should now seek therapy.

I'm year three of zero contact with my mother and one of my siblings.. Therapy made it easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so, so happy after dropping the rope with my lying, toxic sibling who can't control their emotions and acts incompetent to avoid work....but will do work when others can see them and supposedly admire them for being such a great human.

I no longer have to hear how poor they are when they own multiple homes. I no longer have to listen to possibly made up stories about their bad health. They have lied before about this to create attention and alarm. I never have to listen to paranoid accusations. I never have to hear the same stories about how horrible their husband's relations are...I am sure sibling tells them awful things about me, too!

My body and mind both feel far, far healthier.

Nowhere have I found articles about the joy of leaving this awfulness behind. I'm finally free!!

Look into histrionic personality disorder. Sound like your sibling fits it to a tee.

[Anonymous]

I relate so much OP. I just have too many real life stressors to deal with any more histrionics, entitlement, social dramas, etc. It seems like almost all her close relationships explode and then mommy comforts and coddles her. I have some of the same medical issues (genetic) and I just deal, yet she demands special treatment. Despite all the life stressors we face, we are so much calmer no longer engaging with any of this. My husband is so even tempered and rational and it rubbed off on me and my calm has helped our kids! I am polite, but very distant. Sadly, my relationship suffered with my mom because I refused to be part of the dysfunctional dance.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure they’re more elated to be free of your nonsense too Karen.

[Anonymous]

I noticed a big improvement in my mental health when I cut off my parents and their golden child (my brother).

However, I quickly learned that their voices, judgments and beliefs are still ingrained in my own mind so have to keep working at it through therapy. There is a part of me that knows they’re wrong but still seeks their imaginary approval. Sometimes it’s hard to hear my own voice through it all.

I think the best gift anyone can give their child is positive belief in them and good judgement. The gift that keeps on giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You should now seek therapy.

I'm year three of zero contact with my mother and one of my siblings.. Therapy made it easier.

Why would I do that when I already have a therapist? lol

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so, so happy after dropping the rope with my lying, toxic sibling who can't control their emotions and acts incompetent to avoid work....but will do work when others can see them and supposedly admire them for being such a great human.

I no longer have to hear how poor they are when they own multiple homes. I no longer have to listen to possibly made up stories about their bad health. They have lied before about this to create attention and alarm. I never have to listen to paranoid accusations. I never have to hear the same stories about how horrible their husband's relations are...I am sure sibling tells them awful things about me, too!

My body and mind both feel far, far healthier.

Nowhere have I found articles about the joy of leaving this awfulness behind. I'm finally free!!

Look into histrionic personality disorder. Sound like your sibling fits it to a tee.

Thank you. I didn't know about that one. I thought maybe they had borderline personality disorder. I'll look up what you mentioned, and I appreciate the info.

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sure they’re more elated to be free of your nonsense too Karen.

Gosh I hope so. I honestly am only low contact to be polite. If she decided to break off, it would be fine and I would truly wish her well. All she brought to my life before I refused to engage was hate filled rants, gossip, complaining and constant victim-hood. It would lovely to see her find joy and not emotionally vomit all over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I noticed a big improvement in my mental health when I cut off my parents and their golden child (my brother).

However, I quickly learned that their voices, judgments and beliefs are still ingrained in my own mind so have to keep working at it through therapy. There is a part of me that knows they’re wrong but still seeks their imaginary approval. Sometimes it’s hard to hear my own voice through it all.

I think the best gift anyone can give their child is positive belief in them and good judgement. The gift that keeps on giving.

I'm sorry you're struggling with that and hope therapy helps you overcome it. I struggled with low self-esteem brought on by a mentally ill parent and sibling. After being told you are wrong all the time, you start to believe it!

I hope you can find your own voice and heal well.

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I relate so much OP. I just have too many real life stressors to deal with any more histrionics, entitlement, social dramas, etc. It seems like almost all her close relationships explode and then mommy comforts and coddles her. I have some of the same medical issues (genetic) and I just deal, yet she demands special treatment. Despite all the life stressors we face, we are so much calmer no longer engaging with any of this. My husband is so even tempered and rational and it rubbed off on me and my calm has helped our kids! I am polite, but very distant. Sadly, my relationship suffered with my mom because I refused to be part of the dysfunctional dance.

The fact you can be peaceful and calm and pass that on to your children is a huge gift! Not passing on the dysfunction is hard work and a generous and positive thing to do.

Good luck to you!

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You should now seek therapy.

I'm year three of zero contact with my mother and one of my siblings.. Therapy made it easier.

Why would I do that when I already have a therapist? lol

OP

Good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I relate so much OP. I just have too many real life stressors to deal with any more histrionics, entitlement, social dramas, etc. It seems like almost all her close relationships explode and then mommy comforts and coddles her. I have some of the same medical issues (genetic) and I just deal, yet she demands special treatment. Despite all the life stressors we face, we are so much calmer no longer engaging with any of this. My husband is so even tempered and rational and it rubbed off on me and my calm has helped our kids! I am polite, but very distant. Sadly, my relationship suffered with my mom because I refused to be part of the dysfunctional dance.

The fact you can be peaceful and calm and pass that on to your children is a huge gift! Not passing on the dysfunction is hard work and a generous and positive thing to do.

Good luck to you!

OP

Thank you!!!

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP. Now go no contact.

I gray rocked my MIL in order to save my marriage and my sanity. I was tired of being fodder for her gossip and constant criticism and intrusive questions. Pretty much no-contact, given that we live in the same community. She’s not welcome in our house if I’m there! See her maybe 4x year at holiday or special occasions.