Roommate Drama (Avoiding It)
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Anonymous
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My son’s high school best friend decided not to room with him as a freshman, which is fine but I’m annoyed he decided literally during the room selection process midsummer. He went to orientation and decided to go with a kid he met there instead. My son didn’t have that opportunity as he couldn’t go to orientation due to other commitments until the fall.
My son is a nice drama free kid. Freshman year he’ll have a completely random roommate. My older daughter was going through the stress of sophomore roommate selection while taking OCHEM. That ended up being a drama filled section but junior and senior year no drama fortunately. Any ideas of how I can encourage him to find friends to room with as a sophomore that will result in no drama other then trying to find a single? |
Anonymous
| And yes I’ve warned my son that if his high school best friend is doing that now, he should should try to move on and work super hard to make friends as a freshman. |
Anonymous
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Can I just say, this is your son’s experience not yours. Even if he rooms with a new person, it doesn’t have to be filled with drama.
I recommend following Harlan Cohens advice and blogs and IG account for all things new to college. It is probably better that your son doesn’t room with his good friend from home. It will force him to get out of his dorm room and stretch himself. Also, unless there’s a safety issue, most people have an experience where they don’t love their roommate, but they learned to coexist at least the first year. They don’t have to be best friends, they just have to get along enough to live together. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't stress him out about this. He may love his Freshman year roommate. If he's drama-free, they'll probably get along fine. He'll figure it out. |
Anonymous
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Stay out of it, mama. He'll socialize and eventually make friends, some of whom will be looking for roommates sophomore year too. No need for drama, so long as everyone is considerate and communicates well. It's a process.
Although I'm sure it was hurtful, for the best he won't be sticking with hs friends. |
Anonymous
| He should negotiate this on his own. He can go to the admitted student page on Insta and find a roommate based on shared interests. There's no drama unless you focus on it. |
Anonymous
| Usually not a good idea to room with a high school buddy freshman year, for a number of reasons. Random selection is the most stress-free. Fewer expectations, more freedom to explore/branch out socially and personally. |
Anonymous
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I would actually always recommend that incoming freshman do NOT room with friends, especially best friends, from high school.
First, just because you are friends doesn’t mean you are compatible as roommates. Friends can have very different preferences for all kinds of things that don’t affect a friendship but make them want to rip their (or their friend’s) hair out as roommates. Second, even if the rooming relationship does work out, it can mean they stick together with their built-in buddy and don’t branch out to meet new people or try new things. It can end up being restrictive or limiting. I’m sorry it made for a last-minute scramble, but I think your son may actually have kicked out. And I would encourage him to move on from the hurt but not from the friend. |
Anonymous
| ^lucked out, not kicked out. |
Anonymous
Too late. Room selection at his school is closed. He’s not super social but quiet and nice kid, but socially naive. |
Anonymous
| Tell him to just keep in mind that just because someone's a good friend it doesn't mean they're a good roommate. You want a roommate who has a similar cleanliness level and a similar partying/noise level as you. Plus someone who will always remember to lock the door. |
Anonymous
| I don't think rooming with a good friend from high school would be a wise decision for college. Go to college and do new things. Things you haven't already done for years and years. |
Anonymous
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He hasn't yet started freshman year and yet you're already worried about sophomore year. Don't borrow trouble. Choosing a roommate based on superficial contact during orientation is not much different than being assigned a random roommate. It's also good to branch out and make new friends, rather than rooming with friends from high school. Is your son upset by this?
By the time of the sophomore year housing lottery, your son will know much more about his preferences and who his friends are. Your only role is to be a sounding board and provide emotional support. |
Anonymous
| He needs to join a fraternity. |