Roommate Drama (Avoiding It)

[Anonymous]

IMO, it's better to get the random roommates.

Both my DD and DS learned this the hard way. They got random assignments as freshmen and that worked great for both. Both picked their roommates for their Sophomore years and both had drama. DS is still somewhat of a friend with his ex-sophomore roomie but DD and hers still do not speak 3 years later as fully graduated adults living in the same city.

DS did the random roommate option as a Junior and Senior and again, wonderful experience. The off campus housing for Juniors and Seniors do the same type of matching that is done in the dorms so that kids don't need to find their own roomies. It was great. DD was in a sorority that required 2 years of sorority house living (more if an officer), so she did that for her Jr and Sr years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs to join a fraternity.

He’s quiet with a difficult STEM major.

He needs to join some sort of club/extracurricular. It doesn't need to be an exclusive resume building activity -- just something to get out of his room and meeting a variety of people. That way he'll have choices when it comes to sophomore year housing.

Or simply make a point of getting to know kids in his dorm. That's how most of us found roommates moving forward. It's okay that he's quiet, just needs to be open to conversations with the kids living around him.

+1 It's about compatibility and good communication, that's it. Quiet kids don't always communicate their needs quickly and well. Work on that piece for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My god the level of hovering and enmeshment with these kids. It is bonkers.

I don't normally agree with this statement but maybe this time...

[Anonymous]

My super social son loves his randomly assigned roommate. They are friends but don't really socialize beyond the dorm or grabbing food if both happen to be going. Mostly because they just have different interests and that is more than OK. Your roommate doesn't need to be your best friend, aim for living compatablilty.

My son said it is great to not have the party room. Their room is calm and drama free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son’s high school best friend decided not to room with him as a freshman, which is fine but I’m annoyed he decided literally during the room selection process midsummer. He went to orientation and decided to go with a kid he met there instead. My son didn’t have that opportunity as he couldn’t go to orientation due to other commitments until the fall.

My son is a nice drama free kid. Freshman year he’ll have a completely random roommate. My older daughter was going through the stress of sophomore roommate selection while taking OCHEM. That ended up being a drama filled section but junior and senior year no drama fortunately.

Any ideas of how I can encourage him to find friends to room with as a sophomore that will result in no drama other then trying to find a single?

Thread title should be mama drama instead

Dont give up on the new random room for sophomore year yet. they haven't even lived together yet. Most random matches work out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any ideas of how I can encourage him to find friends to room with as a sophomore that will result in no drama other then trying to find a single?

Anonymous wrote:Usually not a good idea to room with a high school buddy freshman year, for a number of reasons. Random selection is the most stress-free. Fewer expectations, more freedom to explore/branch out socially and personally.

All of this. Your son may have dodged a bullet. And sophomore year roommate selection would have needed to happen either way. AKA, he avoided roommate drama without even trying

[Anonymous]

Back off and let him live his life. You’re not doing him any favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yes I’ve warned my son that if his high school best friend is doing that now, he should should try to move on and work super hard to make friends as a freshman.

If it makes you feel any better, I overheard a parent say during a campus tour that rooming with a high school friend in college wasn't a good idea, anyway. Implying reasons that are already manifesting themselves before arrival with your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son’s high school best friend decided not to room with him as a freshman, which is fine but I’m annoyed he decided literally during the room selection process midsummer. He went to orientation and decided to go with a kid he met there instead. My son didn’t have that opportunity as he couldn’t go to orientation due to other commitments until the fall.

My son is a nice drama free kid. Freshman year he’ll have a completely random roommate. My older daughter was going through the stress of sophomore roommate selection while taking OCHEM. That ended up being a drama filled section but junior and senior year no drama fortunately.

Any ideas of how I can encourage him to find friends to room with as a sophomore that will result in no drama other then trying to find a single?

Rising freshman? He'll figure it out. No need to even say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My god the level of hovering and enmeshment with these kids. It is bonkers.

I don't normally agree with this statement but maybe this time...

+1. Like pick a roommate and see how it goes. There will be plenty of other people on the dorm floor to meet. Not to mention college itself. Join some organizations.

[Anonymous]

Why are you worried about sophomore year? Presumably he will find many friends in his freshman year, maybe even the person he is assigned to room with as a freshman. Either way, he's old enough to navigate this on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s better to go random than a friend, almost always works out better. My son and his closest friend made at college purposely decided not to room together as they don’t want to jeopardize friendship. He’ll meet people this year and it’ll be fine. Worst case he can do random again.

Family member with a graduate this year did the same with her friend from high school who ended up committing to same college she did. It’s a good idea to branch out in college.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is a blessing in disguise. Son and best friend will still be at the same school, and they can still be friends while they branch out. Having a roommate who isn’t a close friend can help a shy kid branch out - I didn’t love my freshman roommate and I think it pushed me to try harder to find social outlets and make friends in classes and clubs.

[Anonymous]

I also think it's a blessing in disguise that your son will be going random with his roommate. I do hope that if the high school friends comes back later and asks to live with your son next year, that your son has a group of other friends to live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs to join a fraternity.

He’s quiet with a difficult STEM major.

Why not switch to business or finance?

What a stupid question. He's majoring in what he wants to major in.