Emotional affairs

[Anonymous]

Do people ever leave their spouse for a purely emotional affair partner? How does that turn out? Are emotional affairs more likely to turn into a lasting relationship post divorce than sexual affairs?

[Anonymous]

My wife carried on with an emotional affair with a coworker for years. Flirty texts turned into verbal “I love you”s. Codependency. She would laugh while texting him as we sat at dinner and I tried to engage. She thought I had no clue but she was horrible as masking it. She must have born some guilt or misdirected passion, because she’d initiate sex after a work happy hour where she was likely flirting away. Eventually I confronted her about it and she was unrepentant at first, claiming there was nothing physical so there was no harm. Two years of therapy later she finally came around. Our relationship never fully recovered. When she passed last year, I was left shattered and yet still wondering if she truly would have been happier with the other guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife carried on with an emotional affair with a coworker for years. Flirty texts turned into verbal “I love you”s. Codependency. She would laugh while texting him as we sat at dinner and I tried to engage. She thought I had no clue but she was horrible as masking it. She must have born some guilt or misdirected passion, because she’d initiate sex after a work happy hour where she was likely flirting away. Eventually I confronted her about it and she was unrepentant at first, claiming there was nothing physical so there was no harm. Two years of therapy later she finally came around. Our relationship never fully recovered. When she passed last year, I was left shattered and yet still wondering if she truly would have been happier with the other guy.

The bolded sounds very much like a full blown affair 😳. It's crazy that they were professing love to each other.

Sorry she put you through this, PP. She would not have been happier with the other guy. She was living in fantasy land.

[Anonymous]

An EA will eventually turn to a PA, people are going to want to have intimacy when they have deep feelings for someone.

Never leave a marriage for an affair, leave for yourself.

[Anonymous]

If you're a woman having an EA with some married guy at the office, don't count on him blowing up his life after you divorce your DH.

[Anonymous]

Cheating is cheating. Doesn't have to involve sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheating is cheating. Doesn't have to involve sex.

+1. I don't get this distinction. Its only a matter of time.

[Anonymous]

An affair is an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people ever leave their spouse for a purely emotional affair partner? How does that turn out? Are emotional affairs more likely to turn into a lasting relationship post divorce than sexual affairs?

Do they? Yes.

Depends on the situation and timing.

[Anonymous]

I just left my H because of my EA, but not necessarily to be with my EA partner. The EA just showed me what I'd been missing for sooooooo long in my marriage. Even if it doesn't last with my EA partner, I have to have the hope and possibility of finding it with someone, and I could never have it with him. Maybe this was a bad idea. I don't know. But I felt I could not continue with my marriage after the EA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just left my H because of my EA, but not necessarily to be with my EA partner. The EA just showed me what I'd been missing for sooooooo long in my marriage. Even if it doesn't last with my EA partner, I have to have the hope and possibility of finding it with someone, and I could never have it with him. Maybe this was a bad idea. I don't know. But I felt I could not continue with my marriage after the EA.

I’m in a similar situation! Hope your relationship with your EA partner keeps deepening, and you stay happy together for a long time!

I also left my husband earlier this month because someone else has shown me what it feels like to be truly seen and understood. I can’t be with him though and have cut the contact with him, so I’m now alone, figuring out what to do next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just left my H because of my EA, but not necessarily to be with my EA partner. The EA just showed me what I'd been missing for sooooooo long in my marriage. Even if it doesn't last with my EA partner, I have to have the hope and possibility of finding it with someone, and I could never have it with him. Maybe this was a bad idea. I don't know. But I felt I could not continue with my marriage after the EA.

Why did you marry your husband if you didn’t have an emotional attachment or emotional connection?

[Anonymous]

We did, but we lost it and couldn't regain it despite trying for a long time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
An affair is an affair.

Unpopular opinion: if you can't tell your spouse the truth about it, it's cheating. Emotional affairs are cheating. Porn is cheating. Spending money and hiding it is financially cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
An affair is an affair.

Unpopular opinion: if you can't tell your spouse the truth about it, it's cheating. Emotional affairs are cheating. Porn is cheating. Spending money and hiding it is financially cheating.

That’s a stretch