Does your rising college student spend any time with you?

[Anonymous]

I know this is very healthy and good but I am having a hard summer. My oldest (of 2) is headed to college and is pretty much out of the house 24/7 this summer.
He works 9-4 M-F and then sees friends almost every evening. He has a girlfriend who is also in the mix. He just took a week off of work and went mountain biking and camping with friends. Then he's headed to Europe for 2 weeks in late July. Then the beach with friends and to a friend's cabin in West Virginia. Plus there have been other beach and camping weekends so far. I think we'll see him for a week in August before he leaves for college at the end of the month.
I'm home alone with him this weekend (husband and other kid are out of town at a tournament) and he has plans to go to a concert tonight and to a baseball game in Baltimore and dinner tomorrow.
Meanwhile I have the slow social life of a 50 year old--I have good friends but it takes an act of God to get almost anything on the calendar in the summer. I know this is all just a prelude to him leaving full time in the fall but it's hard! We have a great relationship--I really like him and I he generally likes us (his parents). He's kind and respectful but just so darn busy balancing friends and life. It's all good stuff.

Can you relate?

[Anonymous]

Sounds very typical for an outgoing kid with a strong social life and decent disposable income. It sounds like you did a great job raising a healthy, interesting, responsible, social, well-adjusted kid.

Of course you feel like you’re already missing him just when you wanted to try to cram in a little more quality time together before he’s off to college, and that’s hard. Being normal and even a good thing doesn’t keep it from being painful for you as a parent, I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Mine high schooler likes it when we schedule appointments ahead of time, at least 1-2 days, to spend time with them.

For you this is probably the last summer you get to spend some quality time with him. I would try to schedule at least one day per week this summer.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's living his best life! Just ask him when he can fit you in, and make plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine high schooler likes it when we schedule appointments ahead of time, at least 1-2 days, to spend time with them.

For you this is probably the last summer you get to spend some quality time with him. I would try to schedule at least one day per week this summer.

OP here.. Thank you for this suggestion! It very simple but it's not something we've thought to do. We're used to our kids' time being ours. This kid was very social during high school but was also home a decent amount as we had family dinner, he studied at home, etc.

[Anonymous]

Are you paying for Europe? Good lord. The privilege!

[Anonymous]

No, that’s really different than my teens. Before college, my teens wanted to do family day trips, watch certain shows together, shop together for dorm stuff - there were visits with friends but nothing like what you are describing.
You can say no, you know. He’s doing all this stuff with your permission and frankly taking you for granted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you paying for Europe? Good lord. The privilege!

He does have a FT job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you paying for Europe? Good lord. The privilege!

MYOB lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you paying for Europe? Good lord. The privilege!

MYOB lol

I’m minding what was posted. My kid also has a full time job but doesn’t make nearly enough for all that travel. So yeah, I think it’s sad that he’s not hanging out with her at all and think that they are enabling it by bankrolling so many trips.

[Anonymous]

So much travel! I also wondered if OP was paying for all of that. She could have easily had more time with him by limiting these trips.

[Anonymous]

Google “soiling the nest.” A natural part of the process of him mentally preparing to go, is him doing this. Some act out, some withdraw.

[Anonymous]

I can't relate, but I am a little jealous.

-Parent of autistic 18 year old with no friends. I'm super worried about her going to college in the fall.

[Anonymous]

I’m totally in the same boat! Very close and good relationship with my DD. I just miss her even before she is gone, which isn’t what I was expecting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you paying for Europe? Good lord. The privilege!

Good lord. The jealousy! Almost every graduating kid at our private has a summer planned just like this. You just run in different circles. Try to hide your provincialism a bit.