Activities for Always Bored 4th Grader

[Anonymous]

My rising 4th grade DD is in camp for much of the summer, but that still leaves weekends pretty wide open, plus afternoons. I'm not scheduling every minute and I have other kids who have activities of their own (plus camp). I need some things to keep her busy on her own. She's an extreme extrovert who always wants siblings or parents to entertain her. No matter how much concentrated time she gets from someone else, she always craves more. It's pretty rare for her to be happy chilling by herself.

She doesn't really play with any toys by herself - will play for hours, but only if she has a sibling to play with.

She enjoys painting and beading and will happily do those for a while.

Loves board games or card games, but not by herself (and there aren't many kid one player games).

Isn't into imaginative play except with a sibling.

Will get really into reading for a day or two, then not want to touch a book except if required to.

I'm trying to think of other crafty ideas for her that she might find interesting, since it feels like everything around the house is boring to her.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t be holding yourself responsible for planning extra activities and fun for a child this age. It sounds like she is already doing outside activities and camp. Being bored and entertaining yourself sometimes is part of life. Part of your daughter’s issue may be that she doesn’t have to entertain herself because you are doing it for her or at least the expectation is there. I think it sounds good that she has crafting and art supplies and access to books. If she complains that she is bored, tell her that she has these resources and to make use of them. Remind her also that she will have people time at camp and other opportunities as well as returning to school in a few months. She will be happier long term if she builds skills to be happy solo some of the time now.

[Anonymous]

Only boring people are bored. When my riding 4th grader complains, she gets chores to do. She has quickly figured out that she can read a book, play legos, draw etc. Can your kid have some specific things to do? Like cook a meal a day, sort laundry etc?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s amazing how quickly a kid figures out what to do when their only option is to do a chore it works beautifully. especially when whining about it means extra chores.

You have to teach her that boredom is not an emergency.

[Anonymous]

I don't get why your other child is in activities and this one isn't. Put her in activities, take her to the pool, playground, etc.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't take on this issue. I'd tell her to make a list of things she can do to entertain herself and she can pick from the list when there's nobody to play with.

But why doesn't she have activities if her sibling does? Community theatre? Something at a JCC?

[Anonymous]

She needs hobbies. Reading, coloring, sports etc.

[Anonymous]

How about helping her to lean into the alone time and managing it. My guess is that you’ve trained her to express discomfort the moment she’s not the center of attention. It’s time to deconstruct the Frankenstein. Let her be bored in her room. She’ll figure it out. But she has to be given the space to work through it. You cannot rescue her from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why your other child is in activities and this one isn't. Put her in activities, take her to the pool, playground, etc.

It's a long story why they have after camp stuff and she doesn't, and involves a stubborn DH. She doesn't want to do her sibling's activity (which is one he likes), she wants to do one of her own (which is not one he likes). I may need to just override him on that, but it will still only cover a short period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about helping her to lean into the alone time and managing it. My guess is that you’ve trained her to express discomfort the moment she’s not the center of attention. It’s time to deconstruct the Frankenstein. Let her be bored in her room. She’ll figure it out. But she has to be given the space to work through it. You cannot rescue her from this.

Part of the reason she hasn't learned is that her siblings rescue her unless I shut her in her room alone and give the siblings direct orders to ignore her whining. And because she's used to them rescuing her, it ends up being like intermittent variable reward even if I do put my foot down. So yeah, you're right that this is a HUGE part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs hobbies. Reading, coloring, sports etc.

Um...that's why I'm here asking. She needs hobbies and she's uninterested in most of the ones my other kids are interested in unless those hobbies involve other people.

The rest of the family are introverts who easily found hobbies, hence my seeming inability to figure this out even though I have older kids. My older kids are avid readers, writers, and will (or would) play imaginative games on their own for hours. DC3 doesn't want to do any of that except reading some days. She'll paint, but gets bored of many other craft projects quickly.

[Anonymous]

You’re enabling her a bit too much - she needs to be bored and figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why your other child is in activities and this one isn't. Put her in activities, take her to the pool, playground, etc.

It's a long story why they have after camp stuff and she doesn't, and involves a stubborn DH. She doesn't want to do her sibling's activity (which is one he likes), she wants to do one of her own (which is not one he likes). I may need to just override him on that, but it will still only cover a short period.

Time to override. He doesn’t get to unilaterally make decisions.

[Anonymous]

Jigsaw Puzzles
Puzzle/Activity Books
Kitchen Chemistry (you might need to approve the activities first)
Crafts - crochet (I never really learned, but both my girls went deep into this and it kept them busy for years), friendship bracelets, latchhook, Origami, paper mache, etc.
Klutz books are more activity than books and the ones we tried were all great. I think my girls’ favorite when they were about that age was the Nail Art book (with non-toxic polish), but they cover a wide range of topics.
https://shop.scholastic.com/parent-ecommerce/klutz.html

Solitaire - She’s old enough that she can handle games in general, not just kid games. You can teach her the basics version, and if she likes it, get her a book that teaches variations

Does she have an outdoor space she can play unsupervised? That could open up a lot of choices.

I understand that the prevailing wisdom on DCUM is that screens are terrible, but personally, I think it’s just another format of media, and that content is much more important than the format with which it is delivered. There are also countless educational websites, apps, and shows. Also, it’s a lot more fun to play traditional board and card games with a virtual opponent than by yourself. (I speak from experience, as an only child in the pre-digital age, I can remember trying to play myself in checkers: “me vs. I”. It was every bit as pathetic as it sounds.)

If you’re open to screens, here are some more options for you:

Scratch is a programming language developed by MIT to teach kids how to code. It’s free and fun, and gives them a great introduction to programming.
https://scratch.mit.edu/parents

Hoagies has links to enrichment websites for all ages and subjects.
https://www.hoagiesgifted.org/links.htm

If your child has any specific interests, I can probably suggest additional resources.

There are lots of logic puzzles available. SET and Rush Hour may have started as physical games, but SET has a daily puzzle and I think there are many app versions of Rush Hour.

My kids also enjoyed the computer games Zoombinis and The Incredible Machine, but that was back when they played computer games on a desktop PC. I think there are app versions of these now, but I have no doubt that there are countless games that can take advantage of current technology.

Here are some shows that your daughter might enjoy, many (but not all) are educational. While I would consider them appropriate for a fourth grader, different families may have different concerns, so I encourage you to check Common Sense Media and/or IMDB Parents Guide for any concerns you might have.

Just Add Magic
Flight 29 Down
Mythbusters
Chopped Junior
PBS KIDS - everything

My kids also enjoyed a lot of old classic reruns (Bewitched, Gilligan’s Island, The Monkees, etc.)

I would strongly urge you NOT to require her to read. Take her to the library/used book store and let her browse around while you pick out something for yourself. Maybe pick out an assortment of library books that will be available if she’s interested (and not just chapter books - puzzle books like I Spy/Where’s Waldo, novelty books like the Guinness Book of World Records or Ripley’s Believe-It-or-Not, joke books, (but only if you can tolerate riddles and Knock-Knocks), picture books, Kate Klise books like her Regarding the. . . series that is written in the form of letters, documents, etc., choose your own adventure books, humorous poetry like Shel Silverstein’s Where the Sidewalk Ends, etc.) Read together with her (she’s not too old and it doesn’t have to be limited to bedtime), or read by yourself with an open invitation to her to join you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why your other child is in activities and this one isn't. Put her in activities, take her to the pool, playground, etc.

It's a long story why they have after camp stuff and she doesn't, and involves a stubborn DH. She doesn't want to do her sibling's activity (which is one he likes), she wants to do one of her own (which is not one he likes). I may need to just override him on that, but it will still only cover a short period.

Which one does she like? There might be related things she could do at home.