
It’s almost 8 months since the election.
My husband voted for Trump, and I voted for Harris. I made an intentional decision to not let this difference destroy my marriage. (I mention that because I considered ending things-that’s how huge the difference between the two candidates appears to me). Just wondering how things are going for others with similar political divides with their spouse. I’m happy with my choice. We have a lot of fun together, and for the most part shared values in everyday life contexts. I go to protests, he doesn’t even hear that there WAS a protest and is surprised when I tell him where I’ve been. So we don’t talk politics, and I suspect we’re each waiting for the other to realize how wrong they are. This feels a little surreal at times, so I was wondering if anyone else feels the same. |
My DH and I have different political views. We've been together 22 years, and when we met I knew he was a Republican and had no big problem with it. I'm a Dem. Dh has always been moderate, and intellectually honest, and smart, and generous and kind toward others, so we actually agreed on a lot of things.
He voted for Trump over Hilarie. The next morning I was crying (which, for the record, probably happens less than once a year), and he shook his head and said "I didn't think he'd win." But whatever, we moved on. When Trump and Biden were running, he was disgusted with Trump and did not vote. When Trump ran against Harris, DH was furious and disgusted and cast a vote for Harris and told any of his Republican friends who would listen that that was what he was going to do. He wanted Trump kept out. People can have different views. That's fine. It's healthy. It's even inevitable to have some. But I don't think my marriage would have survived my DH voting for Trump this last time. Not because he's a Republican (which, frankly, I'm not convinced that he even is -- I think he's an opportunist calling himself that and driving the Republican party into the ground, but whatever), but because he's a horrible person doing horrible things that will have ramifications for generations to come. I don't think Trump can "destroy our democracy" as many are claiming, but I do think he's making a good run at it. |
My H is a Republican.
He never voted for Turd. The reality is you go places and don’t tell your H to “keep the peace” so that’s not much of a marriage. But I’m guessing you’re waiting out Turd dying and hoping things go back to normal. It’s akin to just hoping the affair ends and it’s a phase. You do you I’m not inside your life. Can you realistically divorce and support yourself? My friends with their T voting husbands can’t, so what else can they do. |
He sounds like an Independent. What makes him R? |
I find it hard to believe that you are going to protests yet have many shared values. Most people who wouldn’t go anywhere near a protest are breaking up over politics so it’s a bit nuts that you don’t talk politics and everything is ok. |
Voting for Trump after all the J6 nonsense is such a moral failing that I couldn’t even share a home let alone a bed with someone who did.
I definitely have some thoughts on people who voted for him the first 2 times. But if they’ve come around and are actively against him now, then I think we should welcome them back into the fold of humanity. But a vote for the turd in 2024 is something I couldn’t overlook. I also think it’s an intellectual failing, which would be a turn off. |
I don't think anyone can have enough meaningful shared values to live with a maga unless they themselves are maga, secretly or otherwise. It's just too repugnant to overlook.
Agree that those who have learned from the last 9 years should be welcomed back, even if they just want to be old timey Reagan republicans. I understand the media brainwashing and the cult aspects of it; but the people who are still sticking by him are not people I want in my community, much less in my bed. |
PP, you keep using the word "turd" and while I do not disagree with your context, you should know that you are greatly diminishing your message by sounding so juvenile and uneducated. |
My DH was a republican and even worked on the hill in college for key republican leaders in the 90s. He felt the party abandoned him the first time Trump ran and it’s only gotten worse. We had no issues all those years when we disagreed on politics. But if he was MAGA I don’t think we’d survive. I can only take my parents and in-laws because they’re fed half truths all day by FoxNews and are just confused elderly people.
We don’t have to agree on everything but what Trump represents is reprehensible. Even if he gets a win now and then (because I think it’s possible for me to agree with him on something), it’s at the cost of having the rest of him- the white supremely and misogyny and grift. |
You articulated my feelings perfect. Thanks. This is exactly it for me, too |
+1 I'm actually a former R, DH is a Dem. We've had passionate discussions about politics in the past, but we both agree that Trump is a danger to this country. And actually, we've both started to meet in the middle. He is not a progressive liberal. More like a Clinton liberal. I am not a Trump R for sure; more like a Reagan R who would be turning over in his grave seeing how Trump is cozying up to Putin and married to a communist family, and seeing NAFTA gutted (which he started). |
No. My DH didn't vote for Trump, but not having someone to commiserate with, a partner who can listen to and empathize with my fears about women's rights, understand how terrifying the genocide in Gaza is, share concern for our kids growing up in a gun violence-ridden country, among dozens of other things is a huge source of stress for me. I feel completely alone. Not having a partner who cares about my wellbeing and the wellbeing of our kids in the same way is awful. Seeing the person you share a bed with not be upset over ICE terrorizing your neighbors, community members, country is a cold place to be. We barely made it through his first term. We are atrophying so quickly now. I want to turn to him, but he's not a safe place for me to lay my worries, even occasionally. I'm not saying he feels supported, but I feel sick to my stomach. |
We married because we had similar values and vision hence it's unlikely for us to vote that far apart. |
I’m the PP married to a R not this poster. The current R’s are not conservative. They vote for govt over reach, they don’t protect the constitution, they are not fiscally conservative … to name a few reasons why someone who is R not I would never, ever vote for T. They tried to stop the certification of the election. Come on. |
Oof, that's difficult, OP. Of course you don't want to blow up an otherwise happy marriage. But I don't think you can wait each other out if you're each immersed in your own media bubbles: there are important things each set of media is keeping from you. The liberal media failed to describe how loose immigration policy had become under Biden, how economic suffering due to inflation was impacting rural and post-industrial communities all over the US, and how the constant drumbeat of new gender identities was playing out across cultures. And the conservative media failed to consider that people want affordable healthcare, reasonable instead of draconian abortion laws, and that immigrant populations are statistically less likely to be criminals than Americans, and are economically necessary to commerce, industry and agriculture.
You need to discuss having one common media source, among all the ones you each pay attention to. He cannot see the excesses of the Trump presidency if he doesn't hear about legal visa-holders or residents being detained and deported under terrible conditions. He needs to read articles explaining how tariffs will stifle economic growth. He needs to be aware that the White House is threatening the separation of powers and trying to exert unconstitutional control over the other two branches of government. And that this is reminiscent of many of the democracies who slid into autocracy in the 20th and 21st century. Maybe your first common media should be the Wall Street Journal. It's by no means a liberal rag, they have solid economic data, and they don't particularly like Trump. |