Older child's BFF fondled younger child

[Anonymous]

DS, 11, has had a best friend since he was 6.

Tonight, at the pool, our 9 yr old DS was hanging out in the dive well with older son's best bud. It seemed odd to me, and I later learned that older son had seen this kid grab my younger son's genitals in the pool and had shoved him and kicked him off.

Then the kid continued to grab my younger son's genitals in the dive well later on.

We are very close with the family. I am livid and upset at myself because it seemed odd that the 2 were hanging out together. What do I do now?

I will see the family again tomorrow, as I have plans to drive their son to sports practice very early in the morning. I want to say something to the kid. Do I need to say something to the parents and not the kid?

[Anonymous]

Your son was sexually assaulted. The focus on carpool schedules and who is friends with who is misguided.

[Anonymous]

I know my child was assaulted. I want to confront the kid. Is that appropriate or do I confront the parents?

[Anonymous]

They're 11 and 9? I wouldn't necessarily call it sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

This needs to be reported. In some cases, this sort of thing is tied to the first child being abused by an adult.

Washington DC: https://cfsa.dc.gov/service/report-child-abuse-and-neglect

Maryland: https://dhs.maryland.gov/child-protective-services/contact-us/

Virginia: https://www.dss.virginia.gov/about/abuse.cgi

[Anonymous]

I would not drive any kids that bully or assault my kids even the family is family friend. I don't care the age, and 11 is old enough to understand that that behavior is not appropriate.

[Anonymous]

When I was a little kid I was sexually assaulted on multiple occasions by a family member who was just a few years older than me. As an adult, I’ve often reflected that he was likely also assaulted, and while I have had lots of therapy and worked through my trauma, I don’t think he ever has, and I know he carries the guilt of what he did to me. I feel so sad for him.

I understand that you’re angry, OP, but try to think of this as a kid acting out, and approach with compassion instead of outrage. I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be angry, of course you do. But approaching this kid who has been best friends with your son for half their lives with fury is not going to benefit anyone.

I don’t know what the right thing to do is in this situation, but a PP posted some links to resources that may help.

[Anonymous]

Will your 9 year old be in the car with this boy? If so, I would contact the parents first thing tomorrow and tell them you can't do the carpool as you don't feel comfortable with this kid being near your child. And let the chips fall where they may even if it means you and your other child lose friendships.

[Anonymous]

If he’s not feeling okay get him the help he needs . My sister got inappropriate touched junior year of high school and became extremely depressed and traumatized and had to drop out of college at 19 because of it. She refused help and now she’s 25 at home. with no goals and career aspirations,.

[Anonymous]

Put on your big girl panties and pick up the phone, Madison. "Hello Emily, I can no longer carpool and bring Henry to lacrosse. Why? Because he grabbed Liam's genitals in the pool twice and I don't think it's safe to have him around my children anymore. Bye."

[Anonymous]

Safe Shores is an excellent resource.

[Anonymous]

Definitely do not confront the kid or the parents. That is not how you deal with sexual incidents. Reach out to an organization and ask them for guidance.

[Anonymous]

You already got a lot of good advice but I just wanted to say, I am so sorry and that this is not your fault. GL as you move forward and protect your dc.

[Anonymous]

You address it with the parents not the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're 11 and 9? I wouldn't necessarily call it sexual assault.

This. I would probably call my pediatrician for advice because I have no idea what to do. Same age stuff seems to be semi normal, but I would probably speak to the mom and tell her to tell her kid to keep is Fing hands off my kid.