Help me help my tween navigate initiating play dates
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Anonymous
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My 12yr old DS is on the shyer side and only has a few close friends. He wanted to invite one of them to an event we are going to Sat. Did not want me to ask the boys mom, he said kids don’t do that anymore. Friend has spent the night before. The text conversation was so bizarre.
DS- we are going to ___ on Sat would you want to go and spent the night after? Friend-hmm, only if you invite so and so. DS- Sorry my mom said I can only invite 1 friend. Friend- then I’ll have to think on it. Idk. My DS asked me how to respond and I don’t even know. |
Anonymous
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This is not a good friend. your son should respond - “never mind then, will hang out another time.”
And ask a different person. Even if the “friend” you mentioned says yes he’s likely to cancel if another option comes along. |
Anonymous
| Friend 1 wants a buffer or more interesting to them kid there. Don't bother with 1 on 1 get togethers. |
Anonymous
| I told him to invite a different friend and he is worried about this friend getting mad at him. |
Anonymous
| I'd go with "sorry, I can only invite one person. I will ask someone else". Done. His friend sucks. |
Anonymous
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The only explanation that wouldn’t be awful is if he’d already promised to hang out with so and so, but then he should say that. Because it’s a 12 year old boy, there is some chance that’s what’s going on and he’s also socially awkward.
FWIW if a “friend” said this to my 11 year old DD, she would be like “never mind, going to invite someone else.” And never invite that person again. But my 9 year old son, he’d feel weird/bad about it and stew for sure. |
Anonymous
+1 And ask someone else. (Also, don’t worry about this OP. This is often a tough age socially for boys IME- x2. Many are not very thoughtful, to put it politely. Gets better around age 14 or freshman year of HS). |
Anonymous
| It sounds like the friendship wasn't strong enough to support that much 1:1 time. Next time have him offer just the activity, and/or choose something that you can allow more than one friend. |
Anonymous
Point out to your son HE is allowed to get mad at the fair-weather "friend". He's allowed to be the one in control here. |
Anonymous
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Your son should say
“np nvm then” |
Anonymous
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That other kid is rude, but maybe there’s another explanation like one of the earlier posters suggested. But your kid tell the kid that he will hang out with the kid another time, and then invite someone else if he has someone else. If he doesn’t have someone else, then it’s up to him to decide if he wants to give this good time to decide or if he wants to just tell the kid OK never mind we can hang out another time. “
The other kid has made this pretty awkward. |
Anonymous
| Why can’t 2 kids sleepover? |
Anonymous
I would guess that the invited kid has plans with the kid he wants invited with him. The activity and sleepover sound more fun than what the two of them were going to do. If the other kid is invited, I would bet that the two kids hang out more together and ignore the OPs kid. If the other kid is someone that the OP’s kid likes and would be ok with having over, I suspect this could easily be a non-issue. But, if the other kid is not someone the OP’s kid would invite, then there is a real chance of a problem. |
Anonymous
It’s not up to the invited guest to decide who else gets to come to a sleepover. That’s the issue. |
Anonymous
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It's too much too soon. The other two are good friends and it feels like your DS in inserting himself. Forcing it. As parents sometimes you can't get what you want. Invite both kids. And yes when the three are together your DS will be an outsider for awhile. Friendships don't happen quickly.
Btw, calling it a play date if your kid is older than 3rd or 4th grade is real lame. No self respecting tween is this childish. |