Parent friends vs kid friends

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids - one in elementary school, one in middle school and one in high school. I am not friends with any of my teens’ friends’ parents. I am friendly but for the most part, besides carpooling and logistics, the parents don’t hang out unless we are at school or sporting events.

I have an elementary daughter and almost all the play dates we have had are with parents, I, the mom like. DD told me today that she doesn’t have many friends. I was really surprised she said this as she gets invited to many play dates and parties. She told me these are MY friends. She mentioned some girls she would like to have play dates with and realized I am not big fans of their moms and that is why I never tried to hang out or invite them over.

Do you mostly host your kids’ friends alone?

My boys are teens. When they were younger, almost everything was drop off because I had the baby/toddler. Then Covid happened.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure what you are getting at here. Why not invite the friends that SHE wants for a playdate? Who cares if the parents come or not? Do it for your kid.

[Anonymous]

"DD told me today that she doesn’t have many friends. I was really surprised she said this as she gets invited to many play dates and parties. She told me these are MY friends." This DD is the truthteller in the family. She speaks hard truths, and calls you out. She sees what is really going on, reads people, reads the room. She knows it is all fake. These friendships are yours, not hers. That is a perspective, all-seeing kid. She knows. She gets it. You can't run games on her, because she sees right through you.

[Anonymous]

perceptive, not perspective.

[Anonymous]

Parents of elementary students attend play dates? This seems a little too old. It should be a drop off play date by now.

[Anonymous]

How old is she?

[Anonymous]

We are all human, so there is oftentimes at least one thing about ourselves or other parents that may not be the most likable trait. After observations and research, as long as the parent is trustworthy and responsible, I am willing to take a step towards fostering a friendship between our kids. I may not clique with them for whatever the reason, but sometimes you have to be objective about it.

[Anonymous]

Play dates started being drop off by 1st grade or so, maybe K. I didn’t care if I liked the parents or not- all I had to do was chat politely for a few minutes at pick up/drop off.

[Anonymous]

SO let her invite some friends over that she considers HER friends. You do not need to invite the moms if you don't like them.

[Anonymous]

After Kindergarten, all playdates should be drop off. I agree with your child, these sound like MOM playdates, not child playdates. For god's sake, let your child invite the friends she wants to invite instead of you contacting your friend Lauren and asking if she and Taylor want to come over Saturday afternoon.

[Anonymous]

If I was required to attend all my elementary aged children's playdates, neither of my kids would have friends lol Who has time for that? Please let your kid have her chosen playdates (drop off!!) and schedule some dinners out with your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of elementary students attend play dates? This seems a little too old. It should be a drop off play date by now.

Agree, once my kids hit K, I was OVER having to host another adult in my home.
The other mothers had the same sentiment. It was all strictly drop-off playdates.

In 4th grade, one dad expected to tag along to the playdate. He was formerly a detective and had seen some pretty bad stuff in his line of work so I get it. But I cancelled the playdate pronto - I didn't care if it seemed rude. I came back from work and wasn't in the mood to host another adult for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

I do both. If I like the mom(s) and they're available, we'll do something all together. If I don't like (or don't know) the mom, the kids can play by themselves. I'm lucky in that I have really good friends whose daughters are friends with my daughters, but I also don't not let me kids play with people whose moms I don't get along with. One of my daughter's best friends has a mom I don't particularly care for. She's ok, but I'd never choose to spend time with her. That doesn't affect my kid though, she can hang out with the other kid as much as she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of elementary students attend play dates? This seems a little too old. It should be a drop off play date by now.

Sometimes we'll have people over for dinner or we'll go to the pool or something, so we do hang out with the parents of our kids' friends sometimes. Not OP.

[Anonymous]

I made friends through my children’s classmates. They are different than parents of my children’s friends. You should allow your daughter to have drop off play dates with her own friends. My children are required to be nice to my friends’ children at family events, but they are not necessarily friends.