Trigger from the GF post

[Anonymous]

A mom recently hosted a bday party for her ds with homemade food. I never talk about ds’s allergies but she asked and even confirmed with me what he’s allergic to. FF to the party, she says oops you said ds is allergic to tree nuts..? I made the cookies with almond flour. Don’t ask to accommodate allergies unless you actually intend to. She could have killed my dc but instead of freaking out I just nervously laughed. People don’t talk about how stressful feeding a dc with allergies is because you really can’t trust anyone.

[Anonymous]

My 19 yer old is allergic to tree nuts too. He chose to stop eating any homemade desserts at parties after a couple of incidents where the cookie maker said there were no nuts, but forgot they added walnuts, etc. It's easier to just not eat any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 19 yer old is allergic to tree nuts too. He chose to stop eating any homemade desserts at parties after a couple of incidents where the cookie maker said there were no nuts, but forgot they added walnuts, etc. It's easier to just not eat any.

After this incident I am going to follow your dc’s lead. It’s happened in restaurants too. Oh, you said he’s allergic to sesame right? Don’t eat that! We avoid entire cuisines now because of some uncomfortably close calls.

[Anonymous]

Im the OP of the GF thread and have a child with a nut allergy.

My child’s allergies are our problem. He is now a teen and his skin/allergies are now worse. We have visited countless allergists to figure out what is causing his skin to flare. We, too, have tried wheat and gluten free diets.

I would never burden or blame others for my child’s food allergies. Nut allergies are fairly common and anything served at a school is nut free these days. That is why homemade food is highly frowned upon or not served to kids at school.

I do think it is a shitty thing to do to confirm a nut allergy and then use a nut ingredient.

I have a friend whose son has a severe nut allergy, like life threatening. They carry an emergency kit at all times. The family is very nice and they are always happy to be invited. The kid often is hungry because he can’t eat food being served.

[Anonymous]

My child also has a severe allergy. I do not trust anyone else to manage the allergy so when they go to another child’s house or an outside event, I send/bring food. I am teaching them how to be responsible for their own safety.

[Anonymous]

People REALLY don't realize that almond flour and almond flavoring will cause the same reaction as the actual nut will. I have an almond allergy (60 years and counting!) and with so many people going gluten free, I have to triple check that they didn't use almond flour. I, too, just don't eat things if I"m not sure.

Once, in the 80s, asked the server "are there any nuts or nut flavorings (before almond flour was a thing) in this? Could you ask the chef?

I kid you not, that server was back in 1 second - nope! He didn't even have time to ask the chef, given I watched him walk through the swinging doors, then come right back out. If I don't trust, I don't eat it - and I didn't order that thing he had just (theoretically) checked on.

NOW, though, I've had chefs come tableside to talk to me, chefs walk me through a buffet to point out the foods safe for me. In general, I find restaurants VERY good at allergy management now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A mom recently hosted a bday party for her ds with homemade food. I never talk about ds’s allergies but she asked and even confirmed with me what he’s allergic to. FF to the party, she says oops you said ds is allergic to tree nuts..? I made the cookies with almond flour. Don’t ask to accommodate allergies unless you actually intend to. She could have killed my dc but instead of freaking out I just nervously laughed. People don’t talk about how stressful feeding a dc with allergies is because you really can’t trust anyone.

That's pretty unfair - she made a mistake, and when she realized it, she proactively reached out to you to tell you about it. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People REALLY don't realize that almond flour and almond flavoring will cause the same reaction as the actual nut will. I have an almond allergy (60 years and counting!) and with so many people going gluten free, I have to triple check that they didn't use almond flour. I, too, just don't eat things if I"m not sure.

Once, in the 80s, asked the server "are there any nuts or nut flavorings (before almond flour was a thing) in this? Could you ask the chef?

I kid you not, that server was back in 1 second - nope! He didn't even have time to ask the chef, given I watched him walk through the swinging doors, then come right back out. If I don't trust, I don't eat it - and I didn't order that thing he had just (theoretically) checked on.

NOW, though, I've had chefs come tableside to talk to me, chefs walk me through a buffet to point out the foods safe for me. In general, I find restaurants VERY good at allergy management now.

I don't think people even realize that many gluten free items are made with almond flour. I wouldn't even think to check products that I buy, except I have a family member who is gluten free and has a tree nut allergy and he was the one who told me about it.

[Anonymous]

My son who is anaphylactic to peanuts, pistachios, and hazelnuts, and for a while could not tolerate almonds and others, is now 20. When he was little, we just steered clear of any home-baked desserts unless it was my best friend's cakes, because she's very trustworthy.

But please don't blame these other people, OP. They try and make mistakes, and this kind of attention shouldn't be entirely their burden. At the end of the day, the parent is responsible for their kid. Our kids need to grow up with a "trust, but verify" mentality, carrying their Epipens, and knowing how to use them.

[Anonymous]

Please investigate Xolair for your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A mom recently hosted a bday party for her ds with homemade food. I never talk about ds’s allergies but she asked and even confirmed with me what he’s allergic to. FF to the party, she says oops you said ds is allergic to tree nuts..? I made the cookies with almond flour. Don’t ask to accommodate allergies unless you actually intend to. She could have killed my dc but instead of freaking out I just nervously laughed. People don’t talk about how stressful feeding a dc with allergies is because you really can’t trust anyone.

This seems a bit harsh. DD has food allergy. We teach her to manage it and stay away from a whole array of foods, including dessert. She is 8 and doing well so far. The word is not going to accommodate her. She needs to learn to take care of herself.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised you would even consider food made by others. Everyone I know who has kids with severe allergies always bring their own food. Or get something from a restaurant they know is safe (Chipotle, usually).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A mom recently hosted a bday party for her ds with homemade food. I never talk about ds’s allergies but she asked and even confirmed with me what he’s allergic to. FF to the party, she says oops you said ds is allergic to tree nuts..? I made the cookies with almond flour. Don’t ask to accommodate allergies unless you actually intend to. She could have killed my dc but instead of freaking out I just nervously laughed. People don’t talk about how stressful feeding a dc with allergies is because you really can’t trust anyone.

This seems a bit harsh. DD has food allergy. We teach her to manage it and stay away from a whole array of foods, including dessert. She is 8 and doing well so far. The word is not going to accommodate her. She needs to learn to take care of herself.

There’s a middle ground here. It’s not harsh to say not to claim you’re accommodating when you’re not because it leads to unsafe situations. And also kids bring their own food and that’s safer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A mom recently hosted a bday party for her ds with homemade food. I never talk about ds’s allergies but she asked and even confirmed with me what he’s allergic to. FF to the party, she says oops you said ds is allergic to tree nuts..? I made the cookies with almond flour. Don’t ask to accommodate allergies unless you actually intend to. She could have killed my dc but instead of freaking out I just nervously laughed. People don’t talk about how stressful feeding a dc with allergies is because you really can’t trust anyone.

She tried and she forgot, it happens.
For life-threatening allergies, I would suggest that your kid not eat homemade food, only packaged items where they can check all ingredient labels. It's also a good idea to pack a few safe treats with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People REALLY don't realize that almond flour and almond flavoring will cause the same reaction as the actual nut will. I have an almond allergy (60 years and counting!) and with so many people going gluten free, I have to triple check that they didn't use almond flour. I, too, just don't eat things if I"m not sure.

Once, in the 80s, asked the server "are there any nuts or nut flavorings (before almond flour was a thing) in this? Could you ask the chef?

I kid you not, that server was back in 1 second - nope! He didn't even have time to ask the chef, given I watched him walk through the swinging doors, then come right back out. If I don't trust, I don't eat it - and I didn't order that thing he had just (theoretically) checked on.

NOW, though, I've had chefs come tableside to talk to me, chefs walk me through a buffet to point out the foods safe for me. In general, I find restaurants VERY good at allergy management now.

Things are definitely getting better, just from the perspective of someone with several family members with very severe food allergies. Maybe 20 years ago, the typical person or server seemed to have no awareness of allergies; now, many are way more aware, so much that nut-free is the typical school policy.

But people are still people, so there are going to be those who are completely oblivious or lacking common sense or are just terrible hosts. I’ve been to two gatherings where a host swore that there were no nuts in something and encouraged the person with allergies to eat—with horrific results. (In one instance, the host said she didn’t realize peanut butter “counted” as a nut. Yes, really.)