Big Fight

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I just got into a big fight. We were spending the weekend together at his place, when all of a sudden he started texting and taking a call while we were watching a movie. Then he said his best friend got a flat tire and he had to help him.

I said ok, and asked if I could come. He said no and then also told me he had plans on Sunday with some other friends. This seemed really odd and fishy to me. We had been spending the weekend together and there was no mention of him being booked tomorrow, until mysteriously he now has to help with this flat tire.

I grabbed my things and told him I was going to sleep at my place. He got upset and asked me for the key to his place back. He had recently given it to me, and we were getting more serious.

I’m really upset right now. What are others thoughts on what just happens?

[Anonymous]

Too much drama. Move on, find someone that wants you around.

[Anonymous]

Who is his best friend and do you know her?

[Anonymous]

Guy here. He is immature. Why would you want to be with someone like this?

Sounds like he doesn’t know “how to be” and/or want to be in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

You were right to be suspicious.

Your boyfriend could likely be seeing another woman or just want to see other women.
That is likely why he didn’t want you to accompany him to help out his “friend” w/the flat tire.

And it is odd that he suddenly has new plans for Sunday…..??!

OP, good for you for leaving his place.
He sounds like nothing but a common rat to me.

You deserve so much better. 😱

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I just got into a big fight. We were spending the weekend together at his place, when all of a sudden he started texting and taking a call while we were watching a movie. Then he said his best friend got a flat tire and he had to help him.

I said ok, and asked if I could come. He said no and then also told me he had plans on Sunday with some other friends. This seemed really odd and fishy to me. We had been spending the weekend together and there was no mention of him being booked tomorrow, until mysteriously he now has to help with this flat tire.

I grabbed my things and told him I was going to sleep at my place. He got upset and asked me for the key to his place back. He had recently given it to me, and we were getting more serious.

I’m really upset right now. What are others thoughts on what just happens?

Other than you sound like an emotionally stunted and toxic drama queen?

[Anonymous]

He’s not that into you.
Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I just got into a big fight. We were spending the weekend together at his place, when all of a sudden he started texting and taking a call while we were watching a movie. Then he said his best friend got a flat tire and he had to help him.

I said ok, and asked if I could come. He said no and then also told me he had plans on Sunday with some other friends. This seemed really odd and fishy to me. We had been spending the weekend together and there was no mention of him being booked tomorrow, until mysteriously he now has to help with this flat tire.

I grabbed my things and told him I was going to sleep at my place. He got upset and asked me for the key to his place back. He had recently given it to me, and we were getting more serious.

I’m really upset right now. What are others thoughts on what just happens?

You're both way too dramatic and reactive. It's a little odd that he didn't want you to tag along for the tire thing, but you posted at 1 in the morning DC time, so that's pretty late, and maybe he just wanted to do the thing, get done and get back. You didn't get what you wanted, so you literally took your stuff and went home. Why not just wait at his place? Fixing a tire doesn't take that long, and it would've given you time to think it through at least. If he took hours and went non-com, you could've left then, but no, you snap reacted and bailed.

As for asking you for his key, I mean, you've worded it like he overreacted in doing so, and maybe he did, but depending on how hysterical you were about the friend/tire/Sunday thing, maybe he decided you were too much drama and overreacting in a way that made him want his privacy back. If it's on you, good for him. If it's on him, well, you dodged that bullet.

I don't see anything in your OP that seems to warrant this level of drama and scorched earth pettiness. My thoughts are that you're both better off being single until you get some better communication skills.

[Anonymous]

I can see it from your perspective OP. I could also see how it's plausible that he had nothing suspicious going on, has some things to learn about relationships, but ultimately this just got escalated by the two of you. That happens in relationships. If you want to find out if you are built to last, see if it's possible for you both to treat this as a learning or growth opportunity. The Internet means well when it says Red Flag and Dump Him I'm sure, but why not give reconciling a shot?

[Anonymous]

If he suddenly got booked up for Sunday, it was a nonstarter relationship. Move on.

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update. I was right to think things were off because they were. It was clear to me in the moment that he was not being honest due to his uncharacteristic behavior and body language. I did not necessarily assume he was cheating (though thought it was possible).

He later reached out and said he left because his cousin who is a drunk user was high and in a bad situation. He did not want to expose me to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. I was right to think things were off because they were. It was clear to me in the moment that he was not being honest due to his uncharacteristic behavior and body language. I did not necessarily assume he was cheating (though thought it was possible).

He later reached out and said he left because his cousin who is a drunk user was high and in a bad situation. He did not want to expose me to it.

This is the kind of stuff that my husband who grew up in an alcoholic family would do. He would lie to me (and other people) for no apparent reason. There was no benefit to himself. It didn’t protect me.

And then we would get into an argument because even though I didn’t know what was going on or what it was about, I could tell something was up. Then he would double down and act like I was crazy or being overdramatic.

I think that if I was in a healthier place in the time, I would have left. As it is, we have been married for a long time, worked on our issues together, and helped each other to be healthier people for each other and for our kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, how did he explain the sudden Sunday plans thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how did he explain the sudden Sunday plans thing?

He hasn’t. I have had a convo with him about it yet. I texted him last night after I left that his tire story seemed fishy. I also explained that I was super confused because I’m not the controlling type and the only thing I ask of him is honesty. As a side note, this instance last night was extra weird to me because earlier that day we went house shopping for the first time together and have really been making progress in talking about what long term looks like to both of us.

He texted me back and said the stuff about his cousin and that he was sorry I was hurt by it.

We haven’t spoken today yet. I am taking some time. I’m just feeling disappointed that he didn’t just tell me the truth in the moment. To him I am a square who grew up privileged with a perfect life. His life was more choppy with addiction and other tragedies sprinkled in. I understand that we have different upbringings and circles, but I love him and don’t judge. I just want the truth.

[Anonymous]

He may be codependent with the addict relative,mlying to cover up for them and himself and put a good face in things. Maybe that was Sunday change of plans.
But that lying hurt you.
He is likely to continue that pattern. I am sorry but truth isn't going to come easy or consistently if he's the rescuer.
It's not judgemental its reality. Look into AlAnon if you plan to try to work on this relationship.
I really think he's not able to beca full partner....there are 3 of you in the relationship.