Marriage proposal, for real?

[Anonymous]

I have never posted here, but I have no one I can ask…..

My partner and I have been together almost 10 years. We live together, I have a 16 year old who adores him, and he loves her like his own. He has been married twice, me once. We have a healthy relationship, love is not questioned in any way.

So, we are not married. We talk about it sometimes, and the thought is always on both sides, we don’t need to be married, we are together because we want to be, we can get married, get married if you want to. We both had bad divorces and we both have plenty of money so we don’t “need” to get married. We even call each other husband and wife outside of work people who must know. We live as a married couple, we talk of “our” everything. Our trusts make each other beneficiaries. You get the picture, we just lack a legal contract. he bought me a 25k diamond band two years ago.

So this past weekend, he had a bit to drink but he wasn’t overly drunk, just happy tipsy. He flat out proposed. He was so happy. We talked about a wedding, where, who, he would buy me another ring (which I declined). He said I want you to be my wife, legitimately, no more just living together and calling each other a spouse. I was quite shocked, and I said yes. I guess I always thought if he affirmatively wanted to get married, then I would too.

Next morning it was as if nothing happened. Nada. I mentioned that we should tell our kid, he called her into our room, but we got sidetracked with homework and he didn’t bring it up again. I mean it has been days and it is literally as if it never happened. I am afraid to bring it up. I think he was just drunk and too happy and now reverted back to getting married if we need to etc.

Should I just let this go and forget it too? I told my mother, so I would have to make up an excuse and regardless she will hate him.

I never needed to be married and felt plenty secure with our life and relationship. But now, I will never marry him. I even have thoughts of leaving. Who does this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never posted here, but I have no one I can ask…..

My partner and I have been together almost 10 years. We live together, I have a 16 year old who adores him, and he loves her like his own. He has been married twice, me once. We have a healthy relationship, love is not questioned in any way.

So, we are not married. We talk about it sometimes, and the thought is always on both sides, we don’t need to be married, we are together because we want to be, we can get married, get married if you want to. We both had bad divorces and we both have plenty of money so we don’t “need” to get married. We even call each other husband and wife outside of work people who must know. We live as a married couple, we talk of “our” everything. Our trusts make each other beneficiaries. You get the picture, we just lack a legal contract. he bought me a 25k diamond band two years ago.

So this past weekend, he had a bit to drink but he wasn’t overly drunk, just happy tipsy. He flat out proposed. He was so happy. We talked about a wedding, where, who, he would buy me another ring (which I declined). He said I want you to be my wife, legitimately, no more just living together and calling each other a spouse. I was quite shocked, and I said yes. I guess I always thought if he affirmatively wanted to get married, then I would too.

Next morning it was as if nothing happened. Nada. I mentioned that we should tell our kid, he called her into our room, but we got sidetracked with homework and he didn’t bring it up again. I mean it has been days and it is literally as if it never happened. I am afraid to bring it up. I think he was just drunk and too happy and now reverted back to getting married if we need to etc.

Should I just let this go and forget it too? I told my mother, so I would have to make up an excuse and regardless she will hate him.

I never needed to be married and felt plenty secure with our life and relationship. But now, I will never marry him. I even have thoughts of leaving. Who does this?

What a man-child! This is enough for you to rethink your relationship. Get rid of him today! Tell him to pack his stuff and hit the road. Good riddance. You can do better.

[Anonymous]

It sounds as though your relationship was not as good as you thought it was.

[Anonymous]

There is no way I wouldn't bring this up TODAY.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he wasn't drunk? and also does he drink a lot? That's bizarre.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He was not sober, but not so drunk he could not have a detailed conversation about planning a wedding

[Anonymous]

If you can't bring this up as a topic of conversation you shouldn't even be living together, much less get married.

[Anonymous]

Red Flags.
I'd end the relationship and find a new home for you and your child.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you WANT to be married. You need to talk to him about it and decide if that's now a deal breaker. Ask him to marry you and see if he says yes or no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can't bring this up as a topic of conversation you shouldn't even be living together, much less get married.

This. Sorry OP this is weird.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It isn’t that even care about being married. It is that he asked and expressed so many things and now is silent and when I raise to he blows me off. That is what I really a problem. If he hadn’t said anything, we would have just continued a very comfortable little family life. He he threw a rose and now a wrench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It isn’t that even care about being married. It is that he asked and expressed so many things and now is silent and when I raise to he blows me off. That is what I really a problem. If he hadn’t said anything, we would have just continued a very comfortable little family life. He he threw a rose and now a wrench.

I get it OP. You need to ask about this sooner rather than later or you’ll get resentful. Think about what YOU want.

[Anonymous]

Talk to him TODAY. He doesn’t get to opt out of the conversation. Please let us know what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It isn’t that even care about being married. It is that he asked and expressed so many things and now is silent and when I raise to he blows me off. That is what I really a problem. If he hadn’t said anything, we would have just continued a very comfortable little family life. He he threw a rose and now a wrench.

You need to tell him this, almost very exactly. That you were fine, but then he upended it all, and now he wants to go on like it didn't happen. But now you are NOT fine. The conversation will tell you quite a bit.

Also, I'd make your daughter the beneficiary of your trust.

[Anonymous]

I think he's playing with your emotions and that's not great. You should decide what you want. Marriage or status quo or for him to move out. And then do that.