Bar/Bat Mitzvah gift

[Anonymous]

My son is invited to two Bar Mitzvahs this summer. I read that the customary gift is $ in multiples of $18. What’s typical for a school friend? Best friend? Put a check in the envelope so they could save/invest vs a gift card? Thank you.

PS I read the other thread — before that I did not realize those are so pricy to organize…

[Anonymous]

I generally did $36 for a friend and $54 for close friends (but considerably more if the whole family was invited, as that is a closer relationship).

That said, do what you are comfortable with. Some do more, some do less. There's no judgment.

[Anonymous]

DD just had hers. She got a huge range but most friends gave more than $36. Id say the average was $50? But honestly it didn’t matter. We didn’t track who gave what.
For a best friend I’d actually try to something other than money - gift card to Dicks for an athlete, or an item that’s in their area of interest. If a check, $108.

[Anonymous]

We do $20 cash.

[Anonymous]

Our whole family was recently invited to a very nice BM. We gave $504, It felt about right. I'm sure the family spent way more than that for our family to be there.

[Anonymous]

I would give $50 for a regular kid birthday party. I was born in 1975 and my friends got things like swatches for gifts from friends for their parties. They also got a lot of money. I would give the 2025 equivalent, which is definitely not $50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our whole family was recently invited to a very nice BM. We gave $504, It felt about right. I'm sure the family spent way more than that for our family to be there.

I’m sure the family thought it felt right too!

[Anonymous]

We treat it like any other birthday gift- $20-25 Amazon gift card. We never accept full family invitations, just too busy, but if we did it wouldn’t change the gift amount.

[Anonymous]

We have done $36 Starbucks cards. This was for classmates not close friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We treat it like any other birthday gift- $20-25 Amazon gift card. We never accept full family invitations, just too busy, but if we did it wouldn’t change the gift amount.

That's both ignorant and wrong. It's NOT "any other birthday" at all. You don't study for months in a foreign language for other birthdays.

[Anonymous]

For one kid to attend a regular friend's mitzvah we give $96 check inside a card. For a close friend we give $216 check.

[Anonymous]

We do $18 for just a classmate, $36 for a friend, $54 if the whole family attends.

[Anonymous]

Oh I had no idea it was supposed to be multiples of 18! Glad I read this post today as DS is at a service now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh I had no idea it was supposed to be multiples of 18! Glad I read this post today as DS is at a service now

It doesn’t have to be! No worries. It’s common for some people to do that but definitely not an issue not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do $18 for just a classmate, $36 for a friend, $54 if the whole family attends.

You can give whatever you want. But $18 is really low and no one reading this should think that’s the norm. A regular birthday at a bowling alley, fine. A bar mitzvah? No.