Ever had to “force” your kid into an activity?

[Anonymous]

I’m wondering if anyone has dealt with this and how it turned out. My daughter is 10 and just doesn’t seem interested in anything. If she had it her way, she’d just hang out at home all day every day. She’s not unhappy or withdrawn, just completely unmotivated to try anything new.

We’ve tried a few things over the years, signed her up for a couple classes or lessons, but she always complains and drags her feet. She enjoys drawing, but does not want to be in any art classes. She was in a fall sport and seemed to tolerate it, but lost interest toward the end of the season. I’ve tried to talk to her but right now everything is a “no.” Her older sister plays an instrument, does a rec sport, and is on summer swim team.

Has anyone else had a kid like this? Did you end up pushing them into an activity? What happened? Did they end up enjoying it or did it backfire?

Thanks in advance. Just looking for some real-life experiences and advice.

[Anonymous]

The only specific thing we pushed was swim—because it’s a safety issue.

We do want them to be active in general. If they don’t want to do a sport or class; then they have to agree to do bike rides and dog walks and shoot hoops.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they need to do SOMETHING.

[Anonymous]

The rule is you must do something outside of school for your mind once a week and something for your body once a week. Must be two separate things. If the same, then must be twice a week. Either they choose, or parents choose for them.

[Anonymous]

She's 10, make her go out and play, yes, but she doesn't need an activity for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only specific thing we pushed was swim—because it’s a safety issue.

We do want them to be active in general. If they don’t want to do a sport or class; then they have to agree to do bike rides and dog walks and shoot hoops.

Agree on swimming. I have a mix of kids. One was into organized sports - gymnastics and dance since third grade and will be continuing in college. One did track for a year in MS because we insisted. He went to vo tech and developed a great crowd that still hangs out a decade after HS graduation. They do car meet ups, race car driving and other adult only things. This one has amazing work ethic and is the nicest and kindest person I’ve ever met. Third was a party kid - never missed a school dance or an opportunity to engage in school spirit activities. And more difficult things.

And all three grew up fine. They’re awesome, successful, productive and happy adults who know how to swim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 10, make her go out and play, yes, but she doesn't need an activity for that.

+1.

Other than swimming, which is a safety thing, I would not push any activities. Especially at 10. If she is entertaining herself, playing, reading, drawing, doing her homework, etc, and not just watching tv or having too much screen time, leave her be. A lot of kids/families tend to be over-scheduled nowadays, and that’s not a great thing. Particularly if the kid isn’t interested.

[Anonymous]

I tried to do this with my oldest, but I am honestly too lazy. I will give kids rides and pay for private lessons and all of that for my kids who want to do it. But I’m not going to fight for the opportunity to sit at a swim meet for four hours every Monday of the summer. If my kids don’t want to do it, I can’t work up the motivation to force them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The rule is you must do something outside of school for your mind once a week and something for your body once a week. Must be two separate things. If the same, then must be twice a week. Either they choose, or parents choose for them.

This is key, OP. What is she doing with her time? If she is literally doing nothing, which includes screens and TV, yes you make her do something. But if she prefers home activities that are real things - reading, drawing, cooking, sewing, etc. - and spends her time at that, then I think that's OK at her age.

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old is like this too. He's just not a joiner, he's always preferred to do his own thing. He likes to do creative unstructured stuff (read a lot, draw, Legos, board games, make up his own games and stories, hang with friends) and doesn't have excessive screen time (we allow some for specific times and contexts, not any time). He enjoyed a weekly library activity for a while but it ended in the late spring.

I don't really have an issue with it! He knows that if he doesn't play a sport, he has to make sure to stay active in other ways, so we find ways to work in play outside with friends and family activities. The pool opening for summer will definitely help.

The things I do worry about are his social life as more kids do seem committed to multiple activities, and developing a work ethic. School isn't very hard for him so he's not building that capacity to do stuff that's challenging and not always fun. But with his personality, I don't think we can force that for something he doesn't actually care about. He has to find his thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tried to do this with my oldest, but I am honestly too lazy. I will give kids rides and pay for private lessons and all of that for my kids who want to do it. But I’m not going to fight for the opportunity to sit at a swim meet for four hours every Monday of the summer. If my kids don’t want to do it, I can’t work up the motivation to force them.

LOL me too. Thank you for saying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tried to do this with my oldest, but I am honestly too lazy. I will give kids rides and pay for private lessons and all of that for my kids who want to do it. But I’m not going to fight for the opportunity to sit at a swim meet for four hours every Monday of the summer. If my kids don’t want to do it, I can’t work up the motivation to force them.

LOL me too. Thank you for saying it.

Making sure your kids know how to swim does not mean you have to make them do swim team. Once they can do freestyle, call it a done deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they need to do SOMETHING.

This. I had a kid like this. Some kids take longer to develop skills and/or aren’t naturally athletic. These kids tend to want to quit early on because they don’t feel as good compared to others. So the parents start to activity hop and they never get a chance to really develop their skills in anything, therefore they opt to do nothing. Persistence is key. Pick an activity and stick with it long term. Once they start seeing and feeling their progress and getting good, they will enjoy more

[Anonymous]

I had to force my son to go to the Million Women Match.

[Anonymous]

Try to find something low key not just the soccer basketball that everyone does but she clearly doesn’t like.

If she enjoys art but doesn’t want to take a class go to specialty store and let her pick out a project. Look at your park and rec list. There might be something on the list you didn’t think about. At this age she probably still enjoys your company. Think of something you can do together. Maybe bike ride with a specific destination.

She doesn’t have to do what everyone else is doing. She’ll find her way. In the meantime keep discussing it without pressure.