Paying for things as the "richer" relative

[Anonymous]

Do you find that you are always expected to foot the bill? We're UMC but not DCUM style: lots of loans, zero help ever, finally got to a good but not rich spot in middle age and of course we do have our own kids to pay for. Parents and In-laws are MC. When we go out, it's basically understood dh and I are always paying because they see us as "rich". Would this bother you or you just are sort of resigned to it?

[Anonymous]

I'd just resign yourself to it. And only go places you feel comfortable treating them to. Feel free to turn down invites because it's not in your budget. They will call you cheap. That's ok, your family finances come first.

[Anonymous]

As long as “going out” meant some sort of family dinner at a normal restaurant a handful of times a year, and not some sort of crazy expensive experience on the regular, then yea, I’d count my blessings and be fine with it.

[Anonymous]

I'm the poor relative, and when I go out with the rich relatives, I always offer to pay my own way, and when they invite me to their mansion, I never show up empty-handed. It may not be organic caviar or whatever but I bring SOMETHING.

I don't ever want them to think I only like them for their money. (I like them for their cute kids.)

[Anonymous]

No. Your money, your rules. We started a family loan fund with 2% interest for approved activities like education, starting a business, international travel, etc.

For you, you get to pick the restaurant. Maybe go to family style places where everyone shares or host them at your house.

[Anonymous]

My mom and cousins are like this and yes I find it annoying. I really don't mind too much, but what I really do mind is that they NEVER say thank you.

[Anonymous]

In my family, sometimes people take turns paying for others, and sometimes everyone pays their own share. The parents pay for young adult children who don't have a lot of money: my parents and my aunts and uncles paid for my cousins and I when we were not making as much as them. Now we're all similarly situated, we take turns. We have a couple of very low-income relatives who cannot afford to visit or pay their share, and someone in the family always pays for them.

[Anonymous]

Sibling and in laws always expect us to pay. We let it go.
My parents always offer at least every other meal etc which is deeply appreciated. I don’t always let them but I like that they offer.

[Anonymous]

PP again. They always say thank you. I agree with a previous poster. Don’t mind paying, but would be annoyed if I was never thanked!!

[Anonymous]

Your money isn't theirs. Zero obligation to fund their meals and whatever else.

Also, why do they assume you are responsible for this ?

Sounds like you need to put your foot down and decline these fancy dinner invites.

[Anonymous]

Go to places that are not that pricey.

[Anonymous]

I am delighted to pay for younger folks-- still in school or just getting started. But family members who are more like peers shouldn't expect it.

[Anonymous]

If you’re only children, you will inherit from them so either way it will work out. But they should express appreciation!

[Anonymous]

How did this start, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re only children, you will inherit from them so either way it will work out. But they should express appreciation!

There is no inheritance coming.