Paying for things as the "richer" relative

[Anonymous]

OP, are you inviting the in laws + siblings out for dinner? Or are they suggesting a get together at a restaurant and then, expect you to pay?

[Anonymous]

We're higher income than the rest of my family but we're definitely not wealthy and I've noticed that there does seem to be an expectation that we pay for meals out. After a few instances of my brother inviting us out to dinner and then sitting on his hands when it comes time to pay the bill, I've had to come up with creative ways to get out of paying for everyone all the time. Funny thing is that once I stopped paying, the invitations stopped.

[Anonymous]

I pay. I dont mind. I actually like it. I just don't agree to something I cant afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pay. I dont mind. I actually like it. I just don't agree to something I cant afford.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re only children, you will inherit from them so either way it will work out. But they should express appreciation!

Inheritance? Why would you think there would be an inheritance when the entitled poors can’t or won’t even pay a restaurant bill? Lol

[Anonymous]

I was always expected to pay and I was slightly annoyed by it but did it anyway. Then DH and I both lost our jobs. Now we don't get invited anywhere and it makes me sad because now I know it was just about my money. This is my mom and siblings.

I feel sick thinking how my mom invited me and all her granddaughters to the spa and had me pay - for 10 people!! It was so expensive and I know I should have made it clear I didn't want to pay. When the bill arrived my mom took everyone's kids but mine and left.

[Anonymous]

My DH has a brother that is more well off than us. We go sometimes on family vacations, but stay in separate properties. We always pay for our own meals and politely decline to join them for dinner if it's not within our budget. If they invite us for a family vacation and pay for the rental, we pitch in for groceries and still split restaurant meals. This year, I will probably take my SIL for a spa treatment and a super nice lunch as a thank you since they're covering the rental house. If your relatives abuse your generosity, it's a whole another story. Would be a firm no on our end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was always expected to pay and I was slightly annoyed by it but did it anyway. Then DH and I both lost our jobs. Now we don't get invited anywhere and it makes me sad because now I know it was just about my money. This is my mom and siblings.

I feel sick thinking how my mom invited me and all her granddaughters to the spa and had me pay - for 10 people!! It was so expensive and I know I should have made it clear I didn't want to pay. When the bill arrived my mom took everyone's kids but mine and left.

That's stinks....I would not be happy about this and went low contact with my mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you find that you are always expected to foot the bill? We're UMC but not DCUM style: lots of loans, zero help ever, finally got to a good but not rich spot in middle age and of course we do have our own kids to pay for. Parents and In-laws are MC. When we go out, it's basically understood dh and I are always paying because they see us as "rich". Would this bother you or you just are sort of resigned to it?

How is it 'understood'?
When it comes the time to get the bill, you say 'We'll split the bill' to the waiter and that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you inviting the in laws + siblings out for dinner? Or are they suggesting a get together at a restaurant and then, expect you to pay?

Who’s choosing the restaurants OP?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I can agree this can be annoying. We have a 50 year old nephew who doesn't know where his wallet is or has short alligator arms and cannot reach it. I jest, but I mean he never offers to pay.

By the time my brother and I reached 40, we always paid for our parents. They didn't need it but they had paid for so much for us (Ivy colleges and grad schools, for instance).

I think there are related gimmes--such as gift suggestions that are $$$.

That said, I never mind paying if we take young kids out--under 21. I would like them to text thanks for gifts, outings, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was always expected to pay and I was slightly annoyed by it but did it anyway. Then DH and I both lost our jobs. Now we don't get invited anywhere and it makes me sad because now I know it was just about my money. This is my mom and siblings.

I feel sick thinking how my mom invited me and all her granddaughters to the spa and had me pay - for 10 people!! It was so expensive and I know I should have made it clear I didn't want to pay. When the bill arrived my mom took everyone's kids but mine and left.

Damn. I would seriously consider calling your mom out about this. Because that's really awful of her.

[Anonymous]

DH’s family is absolutely like this and I hate it. Hate it. I’m so sick of paying and they never offer to pay for anything. I have basically stopped going out to eat with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're higher income than the rest of my family but we're definitely not wealthy and I've noticed that there does seem to be an expectation that we pay for meals out. After a few instances of my brother inviting us out to dinner and then sitting on his hands when it comes time to pay the bill, I've had to come up with creative ways to get out of paying for everyone all the time. Funny thing is that once I stopped paying, the invitations stopped.

Can you share how you got out of it because I need ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're higher income than the rest of my family but we're definitely not wealthy and I've noticed that there does seem to be an expectation that we pay for meals out. After a few instances of my brother inviting us out to dinner and then sitting on his hands when it comes time to pay the bill, I've had to come up with creative ways to get out of paying for everyone all the time. Funny thing is that once I stopped paying, the invitations stopped.

Can you share how you got out of it because I need ideas.

DP: You could ask for separate checks upfront. This won’t work for most people, but I pay for most things in cash. When the bill comes, I can hand over the amount for mine/ours which will include a generous tip.