Two boys close in age: a mistake

[Anonymous]

And I wish I could undo it.

[Anonymous]

Ok?

[Anonymous]

I have two boys close in age and have thought the same thing, but you didn't really explain your reasoning? And what does it have to do with school?

[Anonymous]

Worked out fine for us.

[Anonymous]

Say more. My boys are 18 months apart (currently ages 14 and 16) and it was tough in their toddler/pre school years but got easier through elementary and middle school. We didn’t plan to have the 2nd one when we did but looking back I’m glad it happened the way it did as it would have been hard to go back to the newborn/baby stage if I had more distance from it. My boys have very different personalities but get along fine. They aren’t best friends but do love each other and occasionally enjoy each other’s company 😉

[Anonymous]

My 2 boys were 17 months apart. I agree that the first couple of years were busy, but my boys are very good friends. They are now young adults. OP, what’s the issue?

[Anonymous]

Why is this in the School and Education forum?

[Anonymous]

I planned to have my kids 3-4 years apart. Instead, I had them a few minutes apart. It’s hard to begin your parenting journey with two preterm infants, but when it came to those early challenges (feeding, diapering, sleep deprivation), I got through it all faster than most people with two kids. Over the years, some things have been more challenging with two same age kids, but other things have been made easier. You will get through these tough times. One day, this will all be a memory.

[Anonymous]

They do tend to “crowd” each other and probably lack space for quiet reflection and focus away from the other, which can have impacts on school performance — not necessarily bad, but you can sort of see how they’d be “better off” w/o the other to deal with. I get it.

Then again, I’m an only child and sometimes pined for a sibling playmate. And I have some sadness that after my parents are gone, it’s just me, no one to mourn or remember with…

No judgement OP, but you’ve done well by your boys to give them each other.

[Anonymous]

Not OP, my boys are 19 months apart (one year in school) and this is a great reflection

They do tend to “crowd” each other and probably lack space for quiet reflection and focus away from the other, which can have impacts on school performance — not necessarily bad, but you can sort of see how they’d be “better off” w/o the other to deal with. I get it.

We should have had them be two years apart in school, but the second one was advanced for a four year old. That's not a brag. It was totally due to learning things at the same time as his brother. So he learned to read, write, basic math and science early all because they were together. More a a Montessori style learning. It made it easier for us as parents and for our daycare & preschool to keep them together. They absolutely needed more physical, emotional and mental space to grow on their own. We did our best, learning as we went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say more. My boys are 18 months apart (currently ages 14 and 16) and it was tough in their toddler/pre school years but got easier through elementary and middle school. We didn’t plan to have the 2nd one when we did but looking back I’m glad it happened the way it did as it would have been hard to go back to the newborn/baby stage if I had more distance from it. My boys have very different personalities but get along fine. They aren’t best friends but do love each other and occasionally enjoy each other’s company 😉

Not really. Mine are 5 yrs apart.

We always adjust to however it happens. And I'd say the same about mine, who are now 20 and 25. They hang out together quite a bit but I don't know that they're best friends. But they are close, which is nice.

[Anonymous]

OP, everyone who has twins, boys or girls deals with something similar (I assume), since your post was a bit vague.

[Anonymous]

My brothers were very close in age and always fighting and rough housing. My son has sisters only and always missed the roughhousing — he would get into it roughhousing with boys at school as a preschooler or early ES because I think he didn’t have a way to get that out at home. I remember being on vacation once and there was a family from Minnesota with two boys a bit older wrestling in the pool and he joined in. The mom apologized and was going to tell her boys to leave this ptjer kid out of it, and I was like, no this is great — he can have brothers for an hour or so.

Anyway. I know there is a phrase when boys close in age are rough….but the upside is at least they are keeping that all in the family.

[Anonymous]

Yeah - if your first kid is a boy, just stop. I even told my boys that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, my boys are 19 months apart (one year in school) and this is a great reflection

They do tend to “crowd” each other and probably lack space for quiet reflection and focus away from the other, which can have impacts on school performance — not necessarily bad, but you can sort of see how they’d be “better off” w/o the other to deal with. I get it.

We should have had them be two years apart in school, but the second one was advanced for a four year old. That's not a brag. It was totally due to learning things at the same time as his brother. So he learned to read, write, basic math and science early all because they were together. More a a Montessori style learning. It made it easier for us as parents and for our daycare & preschool to keep them together. They absolutely needed more physical, emotional and mental space to grow on their own. We did our best, learning as we went.

Agree. Same situation for us, down to the very advanced younger child and Montessori. We made a move from Montessori to public around 6th grade and I had the younger child (fall birthday) go into their correct age cohort which put them two yrs apart in school and it is so much better now that they are both are in high school. One year apart in the high school years is rough.