How did you transition your ADHD kid to getting ready for school independently
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Anonymous
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My kid is near the end of 2nd grade and getting ready for school is still a bit of a struggle. Here's what we've done:
--alarm clock wakes her up 1 hour and 15 minutes before she has to leave. --we have a visual list posted on her wall with all of the steps for getting ready, which are: (1) pee, (2) brush teeth, (3) brush hair, (4) get dressed, (5) make bed, (6) go downstairs. I take care of all other details for her right now--e.g. I make her breakfast, pack her lunch, etc. We pick out her clothes together the night before, so that's done. Here are our pain points: --it takes her 15-30 minutes to get out of bed, with lots of reminders, encouragement and threats from me. --once she starts the routine, she can do all of the steps independently, but she stops after each step to play with a rubix cube, read a book, etc. Unless I stand there or consistently call up the stairs to her, she'll pause between each step and won't start again until I remind her. I'm worried that I'm creating bad habits by having her depend on me for reminders. She sees it as my job to make sure she gets to school, not her job....and that's type of thinking is becoming very prevalent. For example, she forgot her homework the other day and came home upset with me for failing to remind her. I couldn't even blame her since she's right that I do usually remind her. I need to move her towards greater responsibility and independence! |
Anonymous
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Ok first of all, she's young and they're all pretty disorganized at this age.
I do think it's helpful to be clear about who owns which job, but blaming you is also just defensiveness and a reaction to feeling she has failed. I would drop the making the bed, since it isn't important, and focus on just five steps. Maybe you need the list posted in the bathroom as well as her room. Or maybe some kind of auditory cue |
Anonymous
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Chiming in to note it's exactly the same with my 4th grader and hasnt gotten any better despite all variety of reminders and processes to make him more independent. He would not make it down the stairs dressed without a parent nudging every step. It is honestly so aggravating to me, but I just keep hoping time will help. We are strict about the few things that he must do on his own, we don't bend and do it for him, but it is a daily struggle and has been for years despite our best efforts.
We did ban books or reading in the morning because that was such a large cause of distraction. We've never had tv or screens allowed in the morning but if you do that needs to stop as well. Keeping the routine simple and consistent is my onlu advice (but maybe dont take advice from me since we aren't there yet!!). Following for others experiences. |
Anonymous
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Mine is finishing 4th grade. I’d say he started handling most of it on his own last month — a miracle.
I would have been here, writing your thread only a few months ago. I didn’t have to start if, he did on his own. I still have to keep a couple of things on track. He’ll fill a water, snack, and his glasses (but then leave the backpack in the house!) I’ll write more and think if there is anything I did to start it. Feel like it was all him. |
Anonymous
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She sounds like she is doing really well for second grade. We used a clipboard with a paper checklist. Having that seemed to satisfy the need for a break to play between steps. But, you might also build breaks in by giving her a timer where she can have 2 minutes between finishing one step and moving on to the next.
For context, it was sixth grade when I insisted on full independence and that worked. Though my kids did prefer me getting them up so after they showed that they could respond to an alarm clock, they asked that I wake them. It was sweet and harmless so I did. |
Anonymous
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Hmm. My son has severe ADHD and until 12th grade, he still needed help getting out on time. The scaffolding you're doing is great ,but please don't expect too much.
We tried the same thing, and eventually in middle school, DS could get ready by himself. But from then on the problem was that his low processing speed and his need to sleep in in the morning. He had sleep apnea and just couldn't get his act together to get up at 6am every weekday to catch his bus on time. High school early mornings were brutal, and deleterious to his health. In college, he's doing much better, because his classes start at 9am and he lives right on campus. Good luck, OP. |
Anonymous
| If you have space, I would consider placing her outfit for the day in the bathroom. That way seeing it on the countertop is a visual cue. |
Anonymous
| What happens immediately after she goes downstairs? |
Anonymous
If you have to remind her it’s not independent. What happens if you don’t remind her? |
Anonymous
| Play the long game, OP. If she is completely independent in these ways by middle school, you will be winning. She is blaming you because she is ashamed. Try and build confidence and give her gentle, consistent support so as to not make her feel defective. |
Anonymous
| My one dc just sleeps in his clothes. We have the earliest schedule in our entire county ( not in the DMV), and we’re the second bus stop in the morning. It might backfire someday, but my other dc has enough special needs that this is what I can handle this year. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this as well. |
Anonymous
But what about everything else? Food, packing bag, teeth brushed, shoes on, library books or homework form in the backpack, etc. Getting dressed is only one thing. |
Anonymous
| My 3rd grader likes me to wake her up, and there are times it's a struggle because she is tired. But once she is up, she dresses herself, and leaves to gets on the bus on time. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks for the responses. To answer questions: when she gets downstairs, she has breakfast (and if she has time after breakfast, she can play, I'll read to her, etc.). Once she's downstairs, she doesn't go back up--she's dressed, hair done, teeth brushed, etc., before she comes down.
After breakfast, the only think she has to do is put her shoes on (she has slip ons) and run out the door with the backpack I hand her. I'll try adding her list to the bathroom, instead of just having it in the bedroom. My goal is for her to be able to do all of the upstairs tasks (get dressed, pee, brush teeth, brush hair, make bed) without me having to cue her constantly. Secondarily, my goal is for her to feel responsible for (and proud of) getting herself ready. |
Anonymous
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I do think eliminating the up and down stairs helps immensely if you can do everything on one level at a time. We cannot because my son wears a retainer so has to brush after eating breakfast and insert retainer and we dont have a bathroom on the same floor as the dining room (split level townhome). The amount of time wasted to walk back up stairs and then back downstairs is maddening. So my tip is avoid that in your routine if possible! Do all the upstairs things and brush teeth downstairs after eating if that works with your home layout.
Also i prepare the items that need to be taken at night, lunch, water, backpack, and miscellaneous stuff, and line them up by the door. DC still needs to pick up and pack and make sure he has them all but he would never be able to do so if they were scattered around the home. |