Masturbating toddler - what are your rules?

[Anonymous]

My three-year-old has recently discovered a new use for a pillow. Hurray.

So far, I've been telling her that it's ok to do, as long as she does it in her room by herself. Sometimes she fusses because she doesn't want to leave the living room, but seems to understand that it's "alone time". Is this an ok tactic?

Also, it's been pretty much her favorite activity for the last week or so. I have gotten unprecedented amounts of time to myself as she's... ahem... entertaining herself in her room. Also normal, I assume? How long does this typically last?

[Anonymous]

We've taken the same approach. DD, now 5 1/2, has been doing this for about 3 years, but it has become less frequent. Here are some previous threads on the topic:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/109.page

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/109459.page

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/14508.page

[Anonymous]

No suggestions because mine isn't that old yet, but that's hysterical...

[Anonymous]

You should mostly ignore masturbation. If you are disturbed by it, teach them that that is appropriate only for "private" time and send them to their room, nicely. Don't stigmatize them.

[Anonymous]

Is this common among toddlers? Not that I think there's something wrong with it, but I have 3 kids (past toddler age now) and we never went through this phase (at least, not in front of me, and I don't think they would have been discreet enough for me not to know about it, plus, we are pretty open about bodies, nudity, etc). I wonder why my kids never did this!

[Anonymous]

Judging from past responses here, I think masturbation is pretty common among young children, but it's certainly not universal. We have one child who has never done it (to my knowledge), and one who has done so frequently for quite some time.

[Anonymous]

I was an AP and the 5yo did it for the whole 2 years I was there. Her favorite spot was the corner of the staircase and she'd ask us to please go to the basement so she could have some privacy HILARIOUS!

[Anonymous]

I think it's common. We have the same rule about going into the child's room. Like 10:39, we have one kid who has never done it (that I know of, so not in a common area), and one who does it frequently, and started pretty young.

[Anonymous]

It's common and I think you're doing the right thing by not making a big deal about it but gently explaining that it's something she is to do alone in her room. Meanwhile, enjoy the free time!

[Anonymous]

My 3 y/o DD always has her hands down her pants. We're working on the privacy bit (i.e. for your bedroom /bathroom). She 's so funny though ... we'll remind her about privacy if we see her hand reaching in her pants in public places and she'll run to the bathroom

The other day she asked me when "do you touch yourself mommy" ... i had to laugh and quickly replied, "in private."

My parents were initially horrified but have gotten used to her. I'm one of four kids and my parents say none of us openly masturbated when we were young (I think I was 11 but was old enough to keep it private !!).

[Anonymous]

I think your tactic is perfect -- it's a normal, private activity. I would have to really be careful myself to not stigmatize (I mean, it's one of those things about which the message is both "it's totally normal" and less explicitly but more strongly, if you are me, "PLEASE PLEASE Don't embarrass me by doing in public")

[Anonymous]

You are absolutely doing the right thing OP, my parents ended that kind of behavior whenever they saw it and made us feel like it was shameful. It causes body image problems. Good work OP, I wish I had parents like you!

[Anonymous]

Holy hell, as a parent of a newborn girl, the thought that girls do this at a young age hadn't even crossed my mind. I can't remember doing this until much, much later.
... I'm *so* not ready for this ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy hell, as a parent of a newborn girl, the thought that girls do this at a young age hadn't even crossed my mind. I can't remember doing this until much, much later.
... I'm *so* not ready for this ...

My 3.5 yo. just started this. We basically took the approach of OP. Really, it's not a big deal. If you don't make a big deal out of it, neither will she when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

My DD started this at 3 years old. Sometimes she does it a lot, sometimes she seems to forget about it for a while. I always just tell her that it's private and she can do it in her room.