Masturbation/normal sexual exploration among toddlers/preschoolers

[Anonymous]

Sometimes our daughter lies on the floor or on a toy and jiggles up and down. Dr Brazelton describes exactly this behavior in "Touchpoints" and says that it is normal, but I would still like to know if others have experienced this and how they dealt with it. (Brazelton recommends not making a big deal, but suggesting that it should be done only at home, which we have done.) BTW, I am certain that this behavior is not a sign of sexual abuse, so please spare me those posts, no matter how well-intentioned. TIA.

[Anonymous]

It seems to me that you've answered your own question -- you know this is normal little kid behavior, you know it's not sexual abuse, and you know that if it happens a lot you should redirect her or tell her to do that in her own room. So -- done!

[Anonymous]

Fair enough, but I guess what I was hoping was that lots of people would say, "Oh, our daughter did that too, but then she grew out of it!" so that I would know that Brazelton wasn't making it up when he said it was normal!

[Anonymous]

My duaghter did that, and still sometimes does. We just blew it off. She said it felt good. It is normal. We want her to be completly comfortable with her body, so we just let her be. I think she will naturally will become more modest in time. We do talk to her about privacy and her body. I would not worry. I have a friend who freaked out on her little boy for playing with his penis, I thnk that is sad and is going to cause problems for him in the future. But that is just my opinion. good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, our DD did the same thing not with a toy, but with her hands on the outside of her clothes (rocking back and forth, laying on her stomach) starting when she was about 2 years old or so. (I also have ruled out any type of sexual abuse). She still does it today, and she is now 5. She does this only in bed when trying to fall asleep or sometimes when she wakes up. She says it "tickles" and she likes to do it. We have taken a rather laid back attitude, and have told her this is something people do in private if they want to.

Unfortunately, she did it at my mom's house (her grandparents) in bed when she stayed with them for a few days, and my mom freaked out and we got into a big fight b/c my mom felt it was weird, abnormal and that I should not let her do it. I feel that the bigger deal I make of this, the worse it will be for DD. I want her to be comfortable with her body, and I don't think she is doing anything wrong or abnormal. Our only "rule" about it is that she should do this in private. I have not told her not to do it at grandma's house though...I admit feeling a bit weird by the whole situation as I don't like to think of my 5 yr old as a sexual being, but I've decided to let it go as I do think this is normal human behavior and there is no harm in what she is doing.

[Anonymous]

Exactly what do you do when you find your child doing this? Do you completely ignore it? Did you ask then why they were doing it (in a non freaked out tone)? Did you try to tell them that this is a private thing that they should only do at home (I think one PP said something about this). My son is not at that stage yet, but I have thought about how I should react when this does happen.

[Anonymous]

I actually remember being a little girl and doing the rocking thing, and having my mom bend over backwards with the whole "it is okay to do that, but we do that in private" convo. Here is the kicker -- for me, personally, the grabbing and rocking at the 5yo stage was actually about wanting to "hold it" when I had to pee, because I didn't want to leave what I was doing to go to the bathroom! It took me until adulthood to figure out what my mom thought was going on. It's probably still not nice to grab your crotch in public when you have to pee, so the advice worked either way I guess.

[Anonymous]

I am a PP from above. When my DD does this, I ignore it while it is happening. Afterwards, in a non-freaked out way, I ask her what she was doing. She says just relaxing or "it tickles." Then I tell her in a calm way that she should do this in private, just like our private parts are "private" and we don't show everyone, in the same way, what you do to relax or what makes you tickle should be done in private. Then I don't say anymore. I've told her this once or twice and that is all. She seemed to get it, and doesn't do it except at home (and unfortunately at grandma's). PP, I never thought about the having to pee explanation....I always assumed it was the other reason. I should have just told my mom she is trying to hold in her pee!

[Anonymous]

It's completely normal. My 2.5 year old son sometimes plays with his penis after a bath (sometimes saying, "This is my penis!"). In the latter case we matter-of-factly say, "Yes, that is your penis." He's never done this in front of anyone else, and if he did I think we would tell him that it's typically a private behavior. When he says, "I like my penis!" we try really hard not to laugh. It's normal, and we're glad he likes his penis, but ideally he will not talk about it to anyone other than his parents until a much later stage in his development!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's completely normal. My 2.5 year old son sometimes plays with his penis after a bath (sometimes saying, "This is my penis!"). In the latter case we matter-of-factly say, "Yes, that is your penis." He's never done this in front of anyone else, and if he did I think we would tell him that it's typically a private behavior. When he says, "I like my penis!" we try really hard not to laugh. It's normal, and we're glad he likes his penis, but ideally he will not talk about it to anyone other than his parents until a much later stage in his development!

OMG--your kid is adorable! I laughed so hard reading this b/c all I could think of is my own DS. He is too little to blurt something like that out, but all I could do is picture him doing it someday! Hilarious!! I am going to laugh thinking about this story for the rest of the day. Your reaction is great, too, "we're glad he likes his penis"! LOL.

[Anonymous]

I am the PP who asked what do you usually do when you see it. I have to admit that this freaks me out (hence my asking the question when my DS is only 11 months old and hasn't done anything yet). I actually remember doing this as a very little girl--masterbating. And seeing my young girlfriends do it. I somehow knew that this was a private thing, but I don't know how I knew that, since I don't remember my mom ever talking to me about it. I want to handle it in the right way when it does happen with my DS. But, yeah, I am a littl freaked out, because I don't want to see it and I have no experience with little boys (DS is the first boy in a family of 5 nieces/grand daughters). At the same time, I certainly don't want the opposite--a completely a-sexual child. I do want grandchildren some day! (No slight to any families that are or have experienced that). Thanks to the OP who brought this up because I have thought about how to deal with it.

[pollyanna]

I have never seen DS who is 5 do this. Is that okay too?

[Anonymous]

I am a preschool teacher and can tell you that LOTS of kids will do this during nap time- it seemed strange to me at first but I have come to realize that it is completely normal.

[Anonymous]

bump

[Anonymous]

Our son, 5, sometimes starts touching himself when getting ready for bed. We just tell him that it's fine to touch himself but it's something that he should do in private. He doesn't do it around other people and so we really have no concerns -- this is something that children do.