Does your family visit the cemetery/graves of those who passed on?

[Anonymous]

I’m life planning and want to be buried out of the state where I am a present resident. My DD who’s a teenager expressed that she would want to visit me and being out of state would be difficult to make that work out for her.

I realized that as a family, I was not raised in a home that visited the deceased family members grave sites. I remember visiting once or twice the gravesite of my grandmother and great-grandmother and never since. All recent family deaths have been the same. No one visits once the person is in the ground.

FWIW my kids have never visited the gravesite of my father after he passed either. I do wonder would I want my kids to come visit or would I want them to go on as my family members have always done and not visit.

[Anonymous]

I visit my parents graves about every 6 months or so. My siblings go more often.

[Anonymous]

Yes, on the day of the funeral. Never again.

But actually, we don't go in for burial anymore. Everyone in my family (I have a huge family) who's died in the last 20 years has opted for cremation, and no funeral.

[Anonymous]

Not really. Much prefer just thinking about them and looking at photos.

[Anonymous]

My mom likes to visit her parents’ graves. My dad and both of my in-laws don’t. We did not do this when I was a kid on any regular basis.

[Anonymous]

I visit my dad's grave on Father's day even though we didn't have much of a relationship.
My aunts and uncles visit grandpa's grave every 3-4 months.

[Anonymous]

I was very close to my mom and I have never seen her grave. She passed away in 2018. Missing and remembering her has nothing to do with where her body is buried.

I wanted to be cremated btw.

[Anonymous]

I never met most of my relatives as they lived across the world. It was very meaningful to visit their graves since I never met them when they were alive.

However, not sure how often I would visit a grave of a family member if I lived nearby. I would probably prefer to just remember them.

[Anonymous]

We went to the family grave annually going up. Many Catholics do it in October or November.
I feel bad I have not been back in many years. I am thinking of going this summer actually. If I lived closer I would probably go a couple times a year.
I think it’s different if you die prematurely and can understand your daughter wanting to visit the grave if you died when she was a teen. If you die when she is 40 with kids, she might not feel the same.

[Anonymous]

My grandparents and other ancestors are buried in another country overseas. We have a family burial plot on the estate going back several hundred years, so we would go visit it when we were there, but I don’t know where my parents, who live in the US, will be buried but I don’t think we will be going there much after they pass.

[Anonymous]

My husband grew up in a grave-visiting family and I did not. Probably in part because his family lived in the same city for many generations (he's the only one who has left). I grew up far from my parents' home towns.

DH and I both want to be cremated and scattered somewhere. We have no expectations of being visited

[Anonymous]

Not any more. My Mom would visit the cemetery where her parents, and grandmother were buried, sometimes on Memorial Day or other days that were meaningful to her. She would leave flowers. That’s not something that I’ve kept up.
I have a table with family pictures where I have flowering plants, sometimes flower arrangements, and sometimes even candy — which is my way of keeping my memories and connections with my ancestors close.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is a teenager. She has NO IDEA where she will wind up. My friend from NY wound up in Australia and missed her dad's funeral due to Covid. Get buried where you want. Your daughter can "talk" to you wherever she is once you're dead.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother always visited relatives graves during Memorial Day weekend and would clean up their stones, pull any weeds and plant flowers. As she got older, various relatives accompanied her. Now her grave is visited and tended to.

I’m planning to be cremated because I don’t feel attached to any geographical location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I visit my parents graves about every 6 months or so. My siblings go more often.

+1