Red flag or am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

I have a crush on a guy at work (I know.. already a bad idea). Nothing has happened but we are friendly. He goes out of his way to talk to me.

The other day he came up to me out of the blue and said something really snide about one of our coworkers. Basically,he talked about this older co worker smelling bad. I haven't noticed anything like that and frankly even if I had,I wouldn't say anything!!

I've been surprised at my reaction and I'm wondering if I'm overreacting. To me it was really cruel and heartless and suddenly I don't want anything to do with him. My brain has flipped completely from having a crush to wanting absolutely nothing to do with him.

I would like outside opinions on whether I'm overreacting or I'm right to make a note of this cruel comment and take it seriously. It threw me for a loop because one of the things that attracted me to him is that he is so kind and welcoming to everyone.


Thanks for any feedback. I don't get out much and I was enjoying the attention from him,but I don't want to be with someone that is cruel. I guess my gut feeling is that eventually he would be like that to me.

But I tend to get in my own way a lot with relationships and I'm wondering if I'm looking for a reason to reject this guy.

[Anonymous]

I think if you’ve had that strong a reaction you have to trust your gut.

[Anonymous]

Move on from him.

If he made that comment about your colleague.. he'd probably say something similar or inappropriate about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you’ve had that strong a reaction you have to trust your gut.

+1. You’re right to take it seriously. Bonding with someone by being cruel about someone else is not great. Though it’s possible he said something stupid out of nervousness.

Suggestion: say to him straight up, “I didn’t like what you said about so-and-so.” See how he responds. Does he listen? How does he handle your pushback?

If so, good sign that he cares about your opinion and can listen/change. If not, pump the brakes.

DO NOT suppress your opinions and feelings early on - this will only create bigger problems later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a crush on a guy at work (I know.. already a bad idea). Nothing has happened but we are friendly. He goes out of his way to talk to me.

The other day he came up to me out of the blue and said something really snide about one of our coworkers. Basically,he talked about this older co worker smelling bad. I haven't noticed anything like that and frankly even if I had,I wouldn't say anything!!

I've been surprised at my reaction and I'm wondering if I'm overreacting. To me it was really cruel and heartless and suddenly I don't want anything to do with him. My brain has flipped completely from having a crush to wanting absolutely nothing to do with him.

I would like outside opinions on whether I'm overreacting or I'm right to make a note of this cruel comment and take it seriously. It threw me for a loop because one of the things that attracted me to him is that he is so kind and welcoming to everyone.


Thanks for any feedback. I don't get out much and I was enjoying the attention from him,but I don't want to be with someone that is cruel. I guess my gut feeling is that eventually he would be like that to me.

But I tend to get in my own way a lot with relationships and I'm wondering if I'm looking for a reason to reject this guy.

Yes, it's a terrible idea to date someone from work. In any case, I don't know what about mean by "take it seriously." You're not in a relationship with this person. There's nothing to "reject." You don't even know how interested he is in you. I'm not surprised you "don't get out much." Maybe start working on that part of your lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a crush on a guy at work (I know.. already a bad idea). Nothing has happened but we are friendly. He goes out of his way to talk to me.

The other day he came up to me out of the blue and said something really snide about one of our coworkers. Basically,he talked about this older co worker smelling bad. I haven't noticed anything like that and frankly even if I had,I wouldn't say anything!!

I've been surprised at my reaction and I'm wondering if I'm overreacting. To me it was really cruel and heartless and suddenly I don't want anything to do with him. My brain has flipped completely from having a crush to wanting absolutely nothing to do with him.

I would like outside opinions on whether I'm overreacting or I'm right to make a note of this cruel comment and take it seriously. It threw me for a loop because one of the things that attracted me to him is that he is so kind and welcoming to everyone.


Thanks for any feedback. I don't get out much and I was enjoying the attention from him,but I don't want to be with someone that is cruel. I guess my gut feeling is that eventually he would be like that to me.

But I tend to get in my own way a lot with relationships and I'm wondering if I'm looking for a reason to reject this guy.

Yes, it's a terrible idea to date someone from work. In any case, I don't know what about mean by "take it seriously." You're not in a relationship with this person. There's nothing to "reject." You don't even know how interested he is in you. I'm not surprised you "don't get out much." Maybe start working on that part of your lifestyle.

You are so right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you’ve had that strong a reaction you have to trust your gut.

+1. You’re right to take it seriously. Bonding with someone by being cruel about someone else is not great. Though it’s possible he said something stupid out of nervousness.

Suggestion: say to him straight up, “I didn’t like what you said about so-and-so.” See how he responds. Does he listen? How does he handle your pushback?

If so, good sign that he cares about your opinion and can listen/change. If not, pump the brakes.

DO NOT suppress your opinions and feelings early on - this will only create bigger problems later.

Yes thank,I think that is what is bothering me,that he thought that saying something like that would be a good way to connect with me. I don't like that he thinks I'd join in.

I'm going to take the other posters advice about getting out more and fixing that. I think I live in my head too much. I've been thinking about this for several days and this guy has probably given it zero thought and probably doesn't even think of me.

[Anonymous]

Good for you. Many people would override that feelings during the haze of a crush/romantic feelings. Go with your gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you. Many people would override that feelings during the haze of a crush/romantic feelings. Go with your gut.

Also, his character is lacking.

[Anonymous]

As much as I'm attracted to people's looks, I am also attracted to their personalities. If their personality is terrible, it doesn't matter how great they look - I lose attraction.

If talking smack about people is a turnoff for you, then you're done with your work crush. Sounds like this is a red flag for you.

[Anonymous]

You now have two reasons to reject the idea of a relationship with this guy:
1. You work together
2. He's mean.

Done and dusted.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your sense of smell and his sense of smell are not aligned.

[Anonymous]

You’re absolutely overreacting. He made a comment to someone he thought he could trust. That said, you have every right to your preferences.