suicidal ideation- 9 yo DS

[Anonymous]

We are trying our best to support and get help for our 9 YO DS who has suicidal ideation. He talks about stabbing himself with a knife and wanting to die almost every day. He is sad that he has these thoughts and says that he "isn't going to kill himself right now, but he thinks he will when he gets a little older and knows how to do it." He is a model child in school- sociable, smart, respectful--- his teacher was shocked when I asked her for feedback because of what we are going through at home. He is in therapy, and knives/sharp objects are locked up. Since he knows that, he has recently been putting his hands around his neck and burying his head in pillows when he gets overwhelmed. Saying he can always choke himself. We remind him we love him and are there to keep him safe. We have a suicide safety plan that he doesn't want to look at when he is triggered and when he isn't and we discuss it, he talks about how he really doesn't want to kill himself. He actually has quite a big fear of death/dying and is very sad about his grandfather and dog, who have passed away when he was much younger.

We have comprehensive testing at a psych center coming up in June. Both DH and I are in therapy as well, since this is taking a huge toll on our whole family. Any BTDT support to help us until we get testing? It got so bad this past weekend, that we had to call a crisis line and have our son hear us reaching out for help. It is almost every other day that we go through an episode, and when all is calm, it's like we are walking on eggshells. We live in a small town where it is hard to find the right help--- no one is trained in DBT around us--- I have asked his therapist and others. What else can we do to help him-- we are such a close, loving family-- it is affecting all of us and breaking my heart.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. Mine was a bit older before we got into the suicidal ideation and attempts. It is a hard time and it's hard to find resources. Even worse, it's hard to find support. You are doing all of the right things. I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone - we experienced this with our son at this age as well. Therapy, medication, and changes to his environment to reduce stress helped. We told his school team so they could monitor him there. We slowly worked on expanding his window of tolerance. With his therapists help, we made a list of things that helped him regulate his emotions, which included screen time and audio books, and we gave him access to those things when he was getting overwhelmed. I also told him that, if we could not keep him safe, we would need to go to the hospital, and sometimes that information helped him get back to a more regulated state. Have you explored the possibility of OCD at all? Suicidal ideation can be something ocd sufferers perseverate on.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP. What about his social life? That is typically the source of childhood depression. Does he dread school, is there a bully, did he lose some friends?

[Anonymous]

So sorry you are going through this. One technique my kid’s therapist taught us is to be very calm and say something like, you’re in pain, and I’m sorry about that, but I can endure this pain, and you can too, and I will endure it with you. And just sort of show that you aren’t upset or rattled, because you can manage the feeling and so can he. It’s not easy but it helped us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone - we experienced this with our son at this age as well. Therapy, medication, and changes to his environment to reduce stress helped. We told his school team so they could monitor him there. We slowly worked on expanding his window of tolerance. With his therapists help, we made a list of things that helped him regulate his emotions, which included screen time and audio books, and we gave him access to those things when he was getting overwhelmed. I also told him that, if we could not keep him safe, we would need to go to the hospital, and sometimes that information helped him get back to a more regulated state. Have you explored the possibility of OCD at all? Suicidal ideation can be something ocd sufferers perseverate on.

This is all good and I second the OCD. My son who had this had obsessive intrusive thoughts and a high dose of an SSRI helped. It’s higher than the dose used for depression.

[Anonymous]

I was like that at 9. NT afaik. I never talked about it.
I was very depressed and overate, which made me more depressed due to fatness and stigma.

[Anonymous]

OP here- thank you for all these responses. Just knowing I’m not alone feels comforting. We will explore OCD through testing as that runs in my husbands family. He is very sociable in school and has lots of friends. Unfortunately this past week I guess he confided in a best friend that he wants to kill himself. Now he said kids at school are coming up to him and asking why he is saying that. He said I can’t tell them it’s not true because I do want to. I told him he clearly has friends that care a lot about him and he should be comforted that so many friends care about him. But at the same time I think now there is so much shame he is walking around with and I’m really sad kids know something now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone - we experienced this with our son at this age as well. Therapy, medication, and changes to his environment to reduce stress helped. We told his school team so they could monitor him there. We slowly worked on expanding his window of tolerance. With his therapists help, we made a list of things that helped him regulate his emotions, which included screen time and audio books, and we gave him access to those things when he was getting overwhelmed. I also told him that, if we could not keep him safe, we would need to go to the hospital, and sometimes that information helped him get back to a more regulated state. Have you explored the possibility of OCD at all? Suicidal ideation can be something ocd sufferers perseverate on.

This is all good and I second the OCD. My son who had this had obsessive intrusive thoughts and a high dose of an SSRI helped. It’s higher than the dose used for depression.

My DD also had this as an OCD intrusive thought at this same age. The tell for us was that the idea of suicide distressed her. She was afraid to be alone because she might “lose control” and harm herself even if she didn’t want to. Not sure if that resonates, but if so, I suggest a therapist who treats OCD to evaluate. (No one else was familiar with this - ER doc, non-OCD therapist, psychiatrist… it took some time to get the right help.)

[Anonymous]

Hi op, here is an article on when OCD can trigger intrusive suicidal thoughts. It could be depression based on how you describe it, but it is worth making certain whether it isn’t this especially given your son’s age. The reason it is especially important is treatment for OCD is VERY specific and not every therapist is trained in it. OCD must, must be treated with Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP). If your therapist isn’t trained in it it doesn’t mean anything negative about them, most aren’t it is a very specific therapy that usually a therapist kind of “specializes” in OCD. So if you determine if may be OCD, you’ll want to connect with a place that specializes in it. And the good news is telehealrh opens so many doors! You will be able to find a place I think via that route if you need it.

https://childmind.org/article/ocd-and-suicide/

The other good news is OCD is very treatable! So if it is that it’s good news. And in either case medication can be very helpful if needed! Highly recommend considering when you’re ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi op, here is an article on when OCD can trigger intrusive suicidal thoughts. It could be depression based on how you describe it, but it is worth making certain whether it isn’t this especially given your son’s age. The reason it is especially important is treatment for OCD is VERY specific and not every therapist is trained in it. OCD must, must be treated with Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP). If your therapist isn’t trained in it it doesn’t mean anything negative about them, most aren’t it is a very specific therapy that usually a therapist kind of “specializes” in OCD. So if you determine if may be OCD, you’ll want to connect with a place that specializes in it. And the good news is telehealrh opens so many doors! You will be able to find a place I think via that route if you need it.

https://childmind.org/article/ocd-and-suicide/

The other good news is OCD is very treatable! So if it is that it’s good news. And in either case medication can be very helpful if needed! Highly recommend considering when you’re ready.

OP here, thank you so much for this information. OCD didn't cross my mind but it does make sense and something we will hopefully find out more through this testing process in June.

[Anonymous]

DD did this at 9 years old too. Turned out to be ASD and anxiety

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi op, here is an article on when OCD can trigger intrusive suicidal thoughts. It could be depression based on how you describe it, but it is worth making certain whether it isn’t this especially given your son’s age. The reason it is especially important is treatment for OCD is VERY specific and not every therapist is trained in it. OCD must, must be treated with Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP). If your therapist isn’t trained in it it doesn’t mean anything negative about them, most aren’t it is a very specific therapy that usually a therapist kind of “specializes” in OCD. So if you determine if may be OCD, you’ll want to connect with a place that specializes in it. And the good news is telehealrh opens so many doors! You will be able to find a place I think via that route if you need it.

https://childmind.org/article/ocd-and-suicide/

The other good news is OCD is very treatable! So if it is that it’s good news. And in either case medication can be very helpful if needed! Highly recommend considering when you’re ready.

OP here, thank you so much for this information. OCD didn't cross my mind but it does make sense and something we will hopefully find out more through this testing process in June.

OP again-- I just read this article. I actually called my DH up from his office in the basement and read it out loud to him. It was completely describing my child. From talking about hearing voices that tell himself to stab himself with a knife to how he doesn't want to and actually fears dying. I feel like you just gave me a clue into what could be going on and how to move forward with help. This was really eye opening. I am usually not a person who posts on forums or SM but I wish I knew you in real life to give you a hug. Thank you so much for sharing this. I will be able to share this with his therapist and bring it up in more detail when we start the testing. I just exhaled for the first time in a long time and feel like there might be hope to help him now.

[Anonymous]

I know you've already gotten the message about OCD, but I suffered from OCD as a child and when I read your message, I felt immediately that it was intrusive thoughts from OCD. They can be so hard to understand and are usually the worst thing you can imagine. I'm a happy, healthy grown woman now. Once I got treatment and was able to understand intrusive thoughts, I was able to handle them appropriately even though they don't go away completely. Thinking of you all and hope things improve soon!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi op, here is an article on when OCD can trigger intrusive suicidal thoughts. It could be depression based on how you describe it, but it is worth making certain whether it isn’t this especially given your son’s age. The reason it is especially important is treatment for OCD is VERY specific and not every therapist is trained in it. OCD must, must be treated with Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy (ERP). If your therapist isn’t trained in it it doesn’t mean anything negative about them, most aren’t it is a very specific therapy that usually a therapist kind of “specializes” in OCD. So if you determine if may be OCD, you’ll want to connect with a place that specializes in it. And the good news is telehealrh opens so many doors! You will be able to find a place I think via that route if you need it.

https://childmind.org/article/ocd-and-suicide/

The other good news is OCD is very treatable! So if it is that it’s good news. And in either case medication can be very helpful if needed! Highly recommend considering when you’re ready.

OP here, thank you so much for this information. OCD didn't cross my mind but it does make sense and something we will hopefully find out more through this testing process in June.

OP again-- I just read this article. I actually called my DH up from his office in the basement and read it out loud to him. It was completely describing my child. From talking about hearing voices that tell himself to stab himself with a knife to how he doesn't want to and actually fears dying. I feel like you just gave me a clue into what could be going on and how to move forward with help. This was really eye opening. I am usually not a person who posts on forums or SM but I wish I knew you in real life to give you a hug. Thank you so much for sharing this. I will be able to share this with his therapist and bring it up in more detail when we start the testing. I just exhaled for the first time in a long time and feel like there might be hope to help him now.

Oh op I’m so glad. Please do bring to his therapist. It is essential that he access treatment specific to OCD if it ends up being the case - the first line treatment is ERP as I mentioned above, other treatment is very unlikely to work for OCD. I’ll be back in a minute, I’m going to see if I can find some local centers here that specialize that might do telehealth to get the ERP. I really can’t stress that enough! I’ve seen therapists try to treat ocd who aren’t trained in it, it needs to be referred out unless they have expertise. Doesn’t mean you can’t still be connected with current therapist for support but you need to get ERP elsewhere (if they were trained/specialized in OCD and ERP treatment they likely would have picked up on this so it’s not likely they are. Doesn’t mean they aren’t a good therapist, just not their speciality)

You sound like such good parents and your son will get through this. OCD is very treatable, sometimes even without medication but don’t hesitate to use if he needs it to help him access the treatment.

Another treatment to look into is SPACE. This treatment is just for PARENTS of kids with anxiety and will be invaluable for you. Again you can do remotely. I will come back with resources!!