Waiting for a label

[Anonymous]

I started dating what appears to be an amazing man 3 months ago. He is a good man for a lot of reasons and has characteristics that are hard to find. We both are looking to settle down. He puts a lot of effort into our relationship.

One thing that’s come up is that he isn’t ready to label me his girlfriend. He seems extremely serious about vetting and taking his time to get to each other. I’m used to and like having a label by this stage. Should this bother me? Anyone have a solid marriage after waiting a while for a label?

[Anonymous]

He sounds anxious and commitment averse. Proceed with caution and consider whether you want him slow-walking decisions all your life. It's not about the label, it's what it tells you about his personality.

[Anonymous]

A label? Is that like getting to wear his high school ring on a necklace? Then get lavaliered?

Are you exclusive? If not you aren't gf bf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started dating what appears to be an amazing man 3 months ago. He is a good man for a lot of reasons and has characteristics that are hard to find. We both are looking to settle down. He puts a lot of effort into our relationship.

One thing that’s come up is that he isn’t ready to label me his girlfriend. He seems extremely serious about vetting and taking his time to get to each other. I’m used to and like having a label by this stage. Should this bother me? Anyone have a solid marriage after waiting a while for a label?

Look at where it got you.

[Anonymous]

3 months isn’t very long for a “label”.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need a label? Make sure you are doing things you enjoy on your own and with friends. If not exclusive at this point keep your energy out there and date other guys. Keeping your options open so you don’t fall into some ‘waiting ‘ phase where you lose your self-esteem and therefore come across as less attractive.

[Anonymous]

Ninety days isn’t a long time.
He’s probably dating others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started dating what appears to be an amazing man 3 months ago. He is a good man for a lot of reasons and has characteristics that are hard to find. We both are looking to settle down. He puts a lot of effort into our relationship.

One thing that’s come up is that he isn’t ready to label me his girlfriend. He seems extremely serious about vetting and taking his time to get to each other. I’m used to and like having a label by this stage. Should this bother me? Anyone have a solid marriage after waiting a while for a label?

Have you had the talk about exclusivity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 months isn’t very long for a “label”.

Yes, it is. You should be a girlfriend by 3 months.

[Anonymous]

For those that don’t think 3 months is a long time for a label, what do you consider a reasonable amount of time?

[Anonymous]

My DH was like this for longer than three months.

It is either a sign that the person is healthy and mature and doesn't jump into commitment, or a sign that they don't want to commit to you. Kind of hard to know the difference, but if it's the first, you have won the lottery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH was like this for longer than three months.

It is either a sign that the person is healthy and mature and doesn't jump into commitment, or a sign that they don't want to commit to you. Kind of hard to know the difference, but if it's the first, you have won the lottery.

How long did your DH wait?

[Anonymous]

Op, Are you exclusive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH was like this for longer than three months.

It is either a sign that the person is healthy and mature and doesn't jump into commitment, or a sign that they don't want to commit to you. Kind of hard to know the difference, but if it's the first, you have won the lottery.

To me, using “girlfriend” is an accurate description of what is going on, not a “commitment.” It seems churlish to pretend you aren’t in a relationship when you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH was like this for longer than three months.

It is either a sign that the person is healthy and mature and doesn't jump into commitment, or a sign that they don't want to commit to you. Kind of hard to know the difference, but if it's the first, you have won the lottery.

To me, using “girlfriend” is an accurate description of what is going on, not a “commitment.” It seems churlish to pretend you aren’t in a relationship when you are.

+1. It is pretty controlling and self-centered. Or belies a really rigid and mindset focused on internal milestones only he can discern. Which is fine for one person but not really for a couple. It’s really not that hard to call someone by the conventional name that everyone else would use in an identical situation unless you think you are really special.