How can I help my kids build confidence outside of soccer?

[Anonymous]

Dd plays soccer on a top club team in the DMV area. She absolutely loves the game and has been passionate and talented since she was U9. On the field, she’s focused, skilled, and determined. But off the field, she really struggles with confidence—especially in social situations.

She can train and play with the same teammates for an entire year without forming close friendships or even having meaningful conversations. It’s hard for us to watch because she often seems down or disconnected when she’s around other girls. She’s also a people-pleaser and very quiet, so she never speaks up for herself—even when others are mean to her. It’s like she bottles everything up, and over time it feels like it’s affecting her more and more.

We’re proud of her dedication and love for the game, but we’re worried that this lack of confidence in everyday life is holding her back. How can we support her in becoming more confident and self-assured outside of soccer?

[Anonymous]

Send her to a summer theater program.

[Anonymous]

Have you thought about meeting with a therapist to make sure there isn't something more going on? At the very least someone trained to work with adolescent girls might be able to give her some helpful tools to connect socially and advocate for herself. It could be that she is struggling with some anxiety outside of soccer.

If you feel like the behavior is getting in the way of her every day life it could be worth talking with a professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send her to a summer theater program.

Mixed martial arts!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t rush to find another activity to focus on and agree with the post above that maybe a therapist would be a reasonable recommendation. Forget soccer. How are relationships at school or with neighborhood kids?

[Anonymous]

Boy, sounds like my DD, age 11 a little bit.

Her teams needs some good team bonding activities, like beach or pool time, amusement park or camping. Something to really get the girls happy, talking and sharing an adventure.

But also, mixed martial arts, theater camp or program...she needs a challenge and a way to overcome that challenge without parental involvement.

Some light counseling could also help!

I wish i had more specific ideas, I have been mulling the same problem and these are options I'm going to pursue. (But I did sign her up for a 2 week sleep away camp... that should help her find herself.)

[Anonymous]

Maybe try the general parenting forum also? Kid first and soccer player second.

[Anonymous]

I am trying to figure out how confident or shy she is out in public. Can she speak to waitress and order her dinner of choice when you are out? Will she speak to a teacher when she has a question about homework? If she wants to buy a candy bar, is she willing to go to the cashier and pay without your assistance? Does she have friends outside of soccer? Does she want to invite her soccer friends to your home?

[Anonymous]

I second (third?) seeing a professional. Sounds like my DD. Could be anxiety or social anxiety and also autism presents very differently in girls so good to figure out what is really underlying the dynamic. Esp if the dynamics are similar at school or with neighborhood kids. But also some kids are just introspective and that’s fine if she’s happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send her to a summer theater program.

Any recommendation for this in the area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send her to a summer theater program.

Any recommendation for this in the area?

Ask the therapist. Assuming that's the advice you'd go with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dd plays soccer on a top club team in the DMV area. She absolutely loves the game and has been passionate and talented since she was U9. On the field, she’s focused, skilled, and determined. But off the field, she really struggles with confidence—especially in social situations.

She can train and play with the same teammates for an entire year without forming close friendships or even having meaningful conversations. It’s hard for us to watch because she often seems down or disconnected when she’s around other girls. She’s also a people-pleaser and very quiet, so she never speaks up for herself—even when others are mean to her. It’s like she bottles everything up, and over time it feels like it’s affecting her more and more.

We’re proud of her dedication and love for the game, but we’re worried that this lack of confidence in everyday life is holding her back. How can we support her in becoming more confident and self-assured outside of soccer?

I've seen this with some of my daughters teammates, but I think the parents drove the kids down the path. Girls train and train and train to the point of ridiculous. They gain all of their confidence from the coaches and trainers that their parents are PAYING telling them how amazing they are and if they keep working the top ACC school is coming for them. I can't even imagine how much money was spent. Once they get outside of the soccer bubble it's hard. Talented players sure, unfortunately, there are thousands of good girls out there. Injuries set in and soccer is put on hold which is almost UNAVOIDABLE. The injuries or the reality of how hard it is to "make" it is where the rubber meets the road. Being forced to open up to other things in life ended up being very good for some girls...a few others are still grinding and finding very little success. Reality is a bear, you should prepare for it now if you can change the focus to be more rounded. It's not easy I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

Just keep her on the pitch then...she can become one of those weird pro players with social problems.