Strange Neighbor

[Anonymous]

I have a neighbor who is a SAHD. That's not the strange part, as I have known lots of great, normal SAHDs.

He does lots of things that I don't agree with, and that are just generally not safe. He has a four year old, who never wears shoes, and clothing is optional, even at the park. I let my kids be naked in the back yard while in the hose, but see a safety issue when they are blocks from home, surrounded by strangers, and playing on playground equipment.

We saw the dad (mom is only ever seen going to or coming home from work) with the three kids a few weekends ago while we were out. The older two were nicely dressed, hair combed, and dressed seasonally appropriately. The youngest was in clothing that was gender specific, for the other gender that were obviously hand me downs from the older siblings. The four year old did not look like she had a bath in ages, still has a jagged, over grown mess of a hair cut from when that child did a self cut, last year. There seemed to be an obvious contrast in the way the children are being treated, which really bothered me.

The other night I was outside with my children, when this neighbor child sees us, she/he flies out the front door, runs half a block to our house (crossing the street) and just starts playing with my kids. Not a parent in sight. Several minutes go by and the dad comes looking for said child. When I yell out that the child is at my place, he comes by. Doesn't say a word to me just stares at the kids. He finally asked if it was OK if his child played with my children. I said it was OK for a little bit. His reply was "Good because I am in the middle of making dinner" and he takes off.

[Anonymous]

So what is your question?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should get to know his wife and learn more about the family before you make any assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you should get to know his wife and learn more about the family before you make any assumptions.

What kind of assumption? I am laying out facts, and saying the behavior is pretty odd. I am not assuming that they abuse the youngest one, or that there is something weird going on with the wife. She is never home, and doesn't do community activities.

Would approach him with the safely issues? The fact that his other children are clean but the litltle one isn't? He often looses this child too, as the child is known to wander off. He allows the child to play in everyone's yard, invited or not, and will leave toys behind.

What is your question?

Well, I wasn't really asking one, just looking for some insight, and other peoples opinions.

[Anonymous]

None of your business is my reply. Unless you actually have reason to suspect neglect or abuse (besides a bad haircut, unfortunate clothing choices and running across the street to play), I think you should just keep your parenting tips to yourself unless another parent is asking for your advice.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree with the harshness of the replies since OP seems genuinely concerned and I think too many people do nothing in the name of "I don't want to be bothered."

I think the clothing is a personal choice and can't be helped--trust me, I spend a lot of time and money making sure my dd looks great because I think it adds to self esteem but what I think is important may not register to another family. The older kids may be asking for more outfits and may actually do some of the grooming.
What I would care about is running around the street--that I would address and I would do it directly with dad next time I saw him. Me--Hi--you know kids can be so fast, did you know that I saw Johnny running out in the street a few times and it really worried me. I am not sure if you knew he did this and thought you should know since I have seen cars speeding down the street and I am sure you are worried.

If you are a SAHM maybe you could invite the little ones over for a weekly playdate since dad may see when the kids are with other kids that their dress is inappropriate. Good for you that you care.

[Anonymous]

What about the fact that the child is not always safe. Naked blocks from home? Sounds pretty risky to me.

[Anonymous]

I think that's a tough call. I'd definitely be concerned as well - but have no idea what I'd say if I were in your shoes. I wonder if there's any way to engage the Mom?

On the flip side - a story to relate -- when I was growing up, my mom died when I was 10. I know my dad was doing his best to manage - but apparently we were looking like real raggamuffins (our hair particularly b/c he thought you could use soap for shampoo!). A neighbor called my dad and said get those kids some shampoo -- and we never went without after that. My point being - perhaps this SAHD is clueless? Maybe some gentle intervention? I thank God for our thoughtful neighbor and many others who looked out for us when my Dad was overwhelmed and/or clueless.

[Anonymous]

Why dont you just write an anon letter voicing your concerns and stating what you've seen?
Unless you dont care if he knows its you...

This might help maybe give the Mother a heads up, as well.

[Anonymous]

I did talk to the dad once before, about shoes. Now I went around with out shoes when I was a kid, my yard, the side walk...... I didn't walk to the park or convenience store shoeless though. I had mentioned that my child (same age but larger) had outgrown several pairs of shoes before having a chance to wear them, and asked if he were interested. He turned me down, and they went to goodwill.

I have only seen the wife twice in the couple of years I have lived here. Both times she was getting out of her car, heading inside. She works long hours, and is often gone when I leave at seven, and never once has she beaten me home.

[Anonymous]

The only issue that concerns me is the fact that the four year old is running across the street unsupervised. Everything else... honestly, maybe they're just picking their battles with this child, who sounds "spirited". Perhaps she likes to wear her older siblings' hand-me-downs... Regardless, what's the harm? Perhaps she hates having her hair cut and they don't fight it? Maybe they're a bit eccentric. Who the heck cares? But if she's going to be playing at your house it certainly warrants a discussion with her father about safety concerns. Maybe ask that he give you a heads up and escort her over since you're worried about the traffic on the street.

[zumbamama]

OP, I think it is great that you care. Maybe it is none of your biz, but your concern may save the child's life one day.

This reminds me of my strange neighbor in Cali. Two kids 5 & 3, running around our apartment parking lot, barefoot, no parents in sight. The kids would come up to my apt. to play with my kids, and I would go knock on the parents door to make sure they knew where their kids were...they answered the door as if they had just woken up! I didn't mind watching them so my kids would have playmates, but it was sad that their parents sleept through the day...clueless about what their kids were up to.

The last straw was when we invited them to go kayaking with us. They put their 3 year old in a kayak with a 12 year old with no life jackets! Then they left the 3 year old by a tide pool and left him there for several minutes alone until the lifeguard got the kid and returned him to his mother. I lost at that point and had words with them, but who knows if it had any effect. Both mom and dad were equally clueless and I pray their kids are still alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only issue that concerns me is the fact that the four year old is running across the street unsupervised. Everything else... honestly, maybe they're just picking their battles with this child, who sounds "spirited". Perhaps she likes to wear her older siblings' hand-me-downs... Regardless, what's the harm? Perhaps she hates having her hair cut and they don't fight it? Maybe they're a bit eccentric. Who the heck cares? But if she's going to be playing at your house it certainly warrants a discussion with her father about safety concerns. Maybe ask that he give you a heads up and escort her over since you're worried about the traffic on the street.

Do you think is more than eccentric to bring a naked child to the park? It is one thing when the child rides their bike naked on our street, but another when they walk to the park that way. There is no harm in the child wearing siblings hand me downs. I have opposite gendered children, and they share clothes, heck one of them is a future cross dresser, but this is different, in an unkempt kind of way.

[Anonymous]

Is there any possibility that s/he has emotional issues or is slightly mentally challenged? And maybe the dad has a hard time convincing him/her to get his/her hair cut, wear certain clothing, keep clean etc?

[Anonymous]

are these my kids ?