5th grader won’t use school bathroom, peed pants on bus

[Anonymous]

I’m despairing and just don’t know what to do!

My daughter is just 11, in 5th, and absolutely hates using the bathroom in school. She always has, but when younger would go if she was desperate. Now she just holds on all day, making a mad dash when she gets home, successfully until today.

Well her luck has run out, and today she peed her pants on the bus home! She’s devastated, won’t speak to me about it and has just shut herself away in her room. Part of me thinks well maybe it’s the kick up the butt she needs to start going when she needs to, but at the same time I’m worried she’s going to be bullied now because of what’s happened.

It’s so frustrating because in all other respects she’s mature, well adjusted and a happy and popular girl, but this has been going on too long and I just know that having an accident so publicly will absolutely crush her. She’s 21 for pity’s sake, she’s not peed her pants for at least 6 years! Argh, help!

[Anonymous]

I would do some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She needs to figure this out before middle school.

[Anonymous]

Typo at the end there, she’s 11 not 21. 🤦‍♂️

Anonymous wrote:I would do some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She needs to figure this out before middle school.

Thanks, I’ll have a look into that. Completely agree, I suppose at least it’s happened now and not in a year or two when it would be so much worse. But there was no reason for it to happen at all.

[Anonymous]

What specifically does she hate about it? Is it unsafe? Worried about someone hearing her? Germ fears? That will inform how you address

[Anonymous]

The bathrooms have issues. Get her some period underwear off Amazon to catch some of the pee.

[Anonymous]

Does she tell you why she won't use the restroom at school? Is she being bullied? Something scares her? Embarrassed to go to the restroom with others in earshot?

I think you have to understand the "why" before you can address how to fix.

[Anonymous]

Does the nurses office have one - is she willing to use that one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She needs to figure this out before middle school.

My son refuses to use the bathroom in middle school. He will be done in two months. He races home to use the bathroom. Public school bathrooms are disgusting.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is an issue needing CBT, this is just a "learned a lesson the hard way" issue.

Some older kids know they are uncomfortable but do not realize that they can't hold it forever and at some point their body will release it.

My guess is that this doesn't happen again. We all have a few bad childhood memories, this will just be one of hers.

[Anonymous]

Say it even happens to celebrities?

https://m.imdb.com/news/ni58010770/

"Pants Onstage
Fergie is coming clean about that infamous (and totally cringeworthy) moment when she urinated onstage during a Black Eyed Peas performance back in 2005. In an interview with Ebro in the Morning on Hot 97, the "L.A. Love" singer revealed that the combination of a full bladder and a rush to get to the stage caused the memorable mishap. "I'm running on and we jump and do 'Let's Get It Started', and I get crazy and I jump and I run across the stage and my adrenaline was going and gosh," she explained. "I wish it didn't happen ... It was so embarrassing!"

Someone is selling a photo mug of this on Etsy.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone.

I don’t think there’s any specific issue with the bathrooms, I’ve had a look myself when in school for meeting (after classes, so no kids around) and they seem fine, I don’t suppose any school bathroom is amazing but far better than I had 20 odd years ago.

She’s not a fan of using any public bathroom, but generally will if she needs to. If she can put it off then she does, and always successfully. I think she probably just got too confident that she always could, until she couldn’t.

She’s been very quiet since coming home, doesn’t want to talk about it and I think is just really embarrassed which I can understand. For now I’m just going to leave it and not make a thing about what happened, see how she goes over the next few school days and see whether it’s a return to the previous pattern or a lesson has been learned as I hope. And, of course, keep an eye and ear out as best I can to make sure she’s not getting too hard a time about it, although I’m sure some ribbing at the least is inevitable!

[Anonymous]

Why isn't she in therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She needs to figure this out before middle school.

My son refuses to use the bathroom in middle school. He will be done in two months. He races home to use the bathroom. Public school bathrooms are disgusting.

I am 48 and was the same way in elementary and middle school. Getting my period was AWFUL. There is no pad in the world that can hold 7 hours of bodily fluid. The bathrooms are absolutely FILTHY and there were often people in there smoking, which triggered my asthma and headaches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She needs to figure this out before middle school.

My son refuses to use the bathroom in middle school. He will be done in two months. He races home to use the bathroom. Public school bathrooms are disgusting.

There some boys vaping in the bathroom or smoking or just hanging out and he's being judge, might be why he hates it son is the same way. he will only go toward the end of the day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m despairing and just don’t know what to do!

My daughter is just 11, in 5th, and absolutely hates using the bathroom in school. She always has, but when younger would go if she was desperate. Now she just holds on all day, making a mad dash when she gets home, successfully until today.

Well her luck has run out, and today she peed her pants on the bus home! She’s devastated, won’t speak to me about it and has just shut herself away in her room. Part of me thinks well maybe it’s the kick up the butt she needs to start going when she needs to, but at the same time I’m worried she’s going to be bullied now because of what’s happened.

It’s so frustrating because in all other respects she’s mature, well adjusted and a happy and popular girl, but this has been going on too long and I just know that having an accident so publicly will absolutely crush her. She’s 21 for pity’s sake, she’s not peed her pants for at least 6 years! Argh, help!

try finding out why she hats the restroom? I am judging since is 5th grade is elementary school? Are the girls in that school juding?
my dd hates doing #2 in the school bathroom because she might be judge, she try the hardest to hold it..