Resources to help a 12 year old who just isn't getting digital citizenship

[Anonymous]

My 12-year-old's middle school has basically unfettered internet access and he just isn't getting the seriousness of digital citizenship. So far this year he and his friend reported a teacher's google form as a joke ("we thought we could just undo it because google docs are editable" - he faced consequences at school and home for this thoughtless action) and posted pictures of himself making a funny face on redfin (?? weird, I know) during school somehow... I helped him take it down immediately after he told me and we took away all screens as a consequence. He is a kid with a very guilty conscience so I have tried to toe the line between emphasizing accountability and consequences (all screens are suspended until we learn about digital citizenship together as a family and he demonstrates a full understanding of what it means) and self-forgiveness (these are small mistakes, but we are trying very hard to help him learn before he makes big mistakes that can hurt someone else or himself).

Has anyone BTDT and have resources or best practices they can share on what to focus on as I help him navigate this? He is an extremely smart child, bored in school, and I can tell his brain is just not able to cope with the freedom of internet during school. They are on Chromebooks the entire day. Taking away all screens at home (and he doesn't have a phone) is just one piece of the puzzle if they have unfettered internet access all day. I know he "should" be able to follow the school rules about staying off the internet, but he clearly developmentally cannot.

Any advice? I have started googling and I think I'm going to put together a digital citizenship curriculum, read/watch it together with him and have him write me a reflection on what he understands as a prerequisite to getting any sort of screen time back. But I would like feedback/advice.

[Anonymous]

This was a Scouting requirement until recently; the videos are still a very good starting point

https://www.netsmartzkids.org/activities/interactive/

[Anonymous]

I think I would take away all unsupervised screen time at home until his brain matures. Explain it’s not a punishment but he doesn’t have the maturity right now to handle the responsibility. Focus on school rules, if he can go 3 months without incident at school he earns a bit more freedom (summer break may not be your friend here).

[Anonymous]

Is getting him out of that school an option? That sounds terrible.

[Anonymous]

Does he truly know right from wrong? Does he want to do ‘good’? He doesn’t have enough conscience and moral fiber built up. This is a change in ‘heart’ problem, not just removing devices problem.

[Anonymous]

Does his middle school offer a digital citizenship class? It’s a required class at my kids’ MS but maybe it’s optional at other schools. We found it helpful for our boys.

The class isn’t called digital citizenship but the same is similar.

[Anonymous]

I’ve literally never heard of digital citizenship.

I’ve talked to my 12yo about how when you do something online, it’s out there for good. You no longer have control. So sending pics, or messages etc, can’t take that back. Person you sent it too can do what they like.
And how adults will pretend to be kids, it’s fake etc.
I work in LE and I’ve told her how things happen. She’s been responsible so far, and she has adhd so not great impulse control.

[Anonymous]

We have had this trouble too. The school gives him a Chromebook and nothing else to do and then acts shocked the tenth time he does something thoughtless and dumb (never mean or threatening). He doesn’t misuse screens at home so I feel powerless where the school won’t do what I know works (limiting screens; keeping him engaged in other things).

Can’t wait for summer. No real ideas, just commiseration.

[Anonymous]

Wtf you talking about?

[Anonymous]

I feel so bad for these kids. I'd love to find a public school not so Chromebook dependent. From what I see coming through on my kids' school emails, do many are not ready for this responsibility of instant communication, let alone Internet access.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does his middle school offer a digital citizenship class? It’s a required class at my kids’ MS but maybe it’s optional at other schools. We found it helpful for our boys.

The class isn’t called digital citizenship but the same is similar.

I’m the PP of the above. It is actually called digital citizenship and it’s required for all 6th graders. It was actually helpful.

“In this course, students learn what it takes to be effective consumers, creators, and communicators in our digital world. Students learn how to use digital tools safely and responsibly. Through interactive lessons, students use critical thinking skills and decision making strategies to address real-world digital dilemmas.

Digital Citizenship is a required course for all 6th graders at the middle level.”

[Anonymous]

Our school taught digital citizenship every year. It didn't actually cover anything useful, as far as I heard from my own kids. It was more like all those toothless "everyone should be kind!" messages that do nothing to teach kids how to actually be kind in hard situations (much less impacting the amount of actual bullying that goes on day-to-day).

As far as OP's point about self-forgiveness, I think one thing that's important when it comes to any kind of forgiveness is being able to look the reality of what you did in the face. It gets to be as bad as it actually is. But understanding amends and that the badness can be paid for by acknowledging the issues and making up for it where possible helps a ton! So instead of trying to not emphasize the seriousness because he'll feel guilty, maybe do emphasize the seriousness by helping him find ways to make up for it. Mess up the Google form? Ask the teacher if there are things you can do after school to help prepare class for the next day for a week. Post a stupid picture on Redfin? Spend time helping with something housekeeping/outdoor chore related since it was Redfin (OK, that's a stretch - maybe you can think of better amends). I think that will do more for the guilty conscience than trying to make light of behaviors AND it will emphasize the importance of good behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have had this trouble too. The school gives him a Chromebook and nothing else to do and then acts shocked the tenth time he does something thoughtless and dumb (never mean or threatening). He doesn’t misuse screens at home so I feel powerless where the school won’t do what I know works (limiting screens; keeping him engaged in other things).

Can’t wait for summer. No real ideas, just commiseration.

According to my middle schooler, who actually is a rule follower, 9/10 kids in class are doing stupid stuff on the internet during class time, both when there is free time and when they should be working. No ideas for you, just sharing so you feel less alone. This is a big problem with many students and for the teachers. Our school blocks YouTube, and I’m assuming adult rated content, but I really think the schools need to do a better job keeping kids off screen and isolating computer usage/internet to the work they actually need to be doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have had this trouble too. The school gives him a Chromebook and nothing else to do and then acts shocked the tenth time he does something thoughtless and dumb (never mean or threatening). He doesn’t misuse screens at home so I feel powerless where the school won’t do what I know works (limiting screens; keeping him engaged in other things).

Can’t wait for summer. No real ideas, just commiseration.

As a teacher, I will tell you that most students do not do thoughtless and dumb things when presented with a Chromebook. Limiting screens at home is not having the effect you think it is having. If you raise a child in a home with only health foods, they will gorge on sugar the first time they encounter it. The child needs to learn judgment and impulse control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had this trouble too. The school gives him a Chromebook and nothing else to do and then acts shocked the tenth time he does something thoughtless and dumb (never mean or threatening). He doesn’t misuse screens at home so I feel powerless where the school won’t do what I know works (limiting screens; keeping him engaged in other things).

Can’t wait for summer. No real ideas, just commiseration.

As a teacher, I will tell you that most students do not do thoughtless and dumb things when presented with a Chromebook. Limiting screens at home is not having the effect you think it is having. If you raise a child in a home with only health foods, they will gorge on sugar the first time they encounter it. The child needs to learn judgment and impulse control.

We are seriously screen limited at home. My kids' teachers never complained about their computer usage. They did come home with stories about stupid stuff other people did on their school issued laptops though.

There are other ways to learn both judgement and impulse control than unlimited temptation.