Why is my mother passive-aggressive like this?
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Anonymous
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My local parents inquired weeks ago about visiting for Easter. I told them we had no plans with anyone else and would love to see them either on Saturday or Sunday. They aren’t typically keen on doing anything Sunday because they have an activity they do early on Mondays and like to be rested to participate. With this in mind I suggested they were welcome to come on Easter for dinner, but we’d understand if they preferred Saturday, and I’d make something then. After considering the options for a couple days, the decided on Saturday. Fine. All was well and we had a nice visit.
Yesterday I called to wish them a happy Easter and my mother told me she hadn’t even gone outside to get the newspaper because she didn’t want the neighbors to see they were home and without plans on a holiday when they have local family. Like wtf? That was your choice! Someone analyze this for me, please. |
Anonymous
| She has anxiety. |
Anonymous
| A lot of boomers are like this. Just entitled and miserable, always have to find something to complain about. Like the lady who made the post on here whining about her daughter not texting her first on Easter |
Anonymous
They think people are thinking about them a lot more than they are because they were a generation of busybodies. No internet, always looking out windows and calling each other. |
Anonymous
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She’s trying to keep up w neighbors.. Ugh |
Anonymous
Not about you. Maybe the comment wasn't even intended to make you feel bad. Maybe it's just her sharing her thoughts. Don't emotionally own it. You did your part as a loving family member. |
Anonymous
| You should learn what passive aggressive means cause this isn’t it. |
Anonymous
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I don't think this was passive aggressive.
I think OP's mother may have been more concerned that a well-intended neighbor might feel sorry for them and invite them over to a meal/activity they really didn't want to attend. Especially if they may have mentioned they were spending the holiday with OP. Mother didn't want neighbors to assume that they were forgotten/uninvited by OP if they were seen at home on Sunday. |
Anonymous
| It's not passive aggressive, because I don't think she intended any dig at you. But she definitely has out of control social anxiety, and that's HER problem, not yours. All you can do is point out that her thinking is unhealthy and that plenty of people spend Easter Sunday without family. People like my parents and me, who live on opposite sides of the Atlantic! Yesterday on Easter Sunday, we went for a lovely walk with the dog, my husband and I, and met plenty of people gardening or walking their dogs like us. I assume most of them didn't have family visiting, and that a lot of them are Christian, not Jewish or other faiths. |
Anonymous
They're also a generation hyper concerned with keeping up appearances and worrying about how something will make them look, what others will think, etc. |
Anonymous
I think it was. She's obviously the local family. |
Anonymous
FIFY. Notice it more in younger people now really, those under 30 tend to be very uptight and cannot even bring themselves to talk on a phone much less talk to people IRL. |
Anonymous
Maybe she has nice neighbors who would be concerned and offer an invite [that she did not want nor want to appear rude and turn down]. Or, she has nosy neighbors who gossip and would not want to be the butt of that. |
Anonymous
| I would not take it that way. I would assume she's venting about nosy neighbors and confessing her own discomfort with what people think about her. |
Anonymous
1000%. Thats a huge part of it too... the narcissism and self important delusion |