Boyfriend feels insecure and takes it out on me

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend feels insecure about our relationship, according to him. Yesterday this manifested when I saw a Tiktok about some man saying meeting his wife and how it made him want to work to become rich. I said playfully something like "I hope you feel this way" and my BF got really upset. He accused me of being a golddigger and basically freaked out. The fight has lasted until today even though I tried to squash things. Finally he admitted that he feels insecure and "not good enough" and is afraid I'm going to leave him. Frankly, I feel exhausted. I do feel this is a big insecurity of his but I am sick of dealing with it or feeling like I have to walk on eggshells. He's constantly afraid I'm going to cheat on him or leave him, and it's just driving me away, I feel like it's a never ending cycle of this, no matter how many times I try to reassure him, it never works. I feel really drained. Would love to get other people's insights.

[Anonymous]

This will not get better. And with that fear-based mindset, he probably doesn't have what it takes to be very successful. Success is borne out of drive and ambition, not out of fear.

[Anonymous]

You need to break up. His insecurities will drive you nuts. But I also think it's weird that you are goading him. You said you're sick of it, which means it's not the first time he's taken his insecurity out on you. So I don't know why you'd joke with him about something that would play into his insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to break up. His insecurities will drive you nuts. But I also think it's weird that you are goading him. You said you're sick of it, which means it's not the first time he's taken his insecurity out on you. So I don't know why you'd joke with him about something that would play into his insecurities.

It's a test--be terrible to him and see if he still is loving and sticks around.

[Anonymous]

Is this what dating feels like for younger women? I am really scared for my daughter if this is the kind of men she will come across. Anyways I don't think she will have that issue because I mostly raised her and she probably have too much "masculine energy" as a result and won't take this sh**t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend feels insecure about our relationship, according to him. Yesterday this manifested when I saw a Tiktok about some man saying meeting his wife and how it made him want to work to become rich. I said playfully something like "I hope you feel this way" and my BF got really upset. He accused me of being a golddigger and basically freaked out. The fight has lasted until today even though I tried to squash things. Finally he admitted that he feels insecure and "not good enough" and is afraid I'm going to leave him. Frankly, I feel exhausted. I do feel this is a big insecurity of his but I am sick of dealing with it or feeling like I have to walk on eggshells. He's constantly afraid I'm going to cheat on him or leave him, and it's just driving me away, I feel like it's a never ending cycle of this, no matter how many times I try to reassure him, it never works. I feel really drained. Would love to get other people's insights.

Well, if you know he is insecure and staying with him then why are you showing him videos of men wanting to be rich and asking him to follow the trait? Are you a closeted gold digger?

[Anonymous]

If you are exhausted and feel like walking on eggshells than why are you there and what can this board do to change him?

[Anonymous]

You need to leave. Do not be afraid of confirming his worst fear - him expressing that fear is his way to control you. He will of course believe that you were going to betray him all along, and tell everyone you're (insert all the names in the book). That is the price to pay for escaping such a mentally perturbed person, OP, but it's what you have to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend feels insecure about our relationship, according to him. Yesterday this manifested when I saw a Tiktok about some man saying meeting his wife and how it made him want to work to become rich. I said playfully something like "I hope you feel this way" and my BF got really upset. He accused me of being a golddigger and basically freaked out. The fight has lasted until today even though I tried to squash things. Finally he admitted that he feels insecure and "not good enough" and is afraid I'm going to leave him. Frankly, I feel exhausted. I do feel this is a big insecurity of his but I am sick of dealing with it or feeling like I have to walk on eggshells. He's constantly afraid I'm going to cheat on him or leave him, and it's just driving me away, I feel like it's a never ending cycle of this, no matter how many times I try to reassure him, it never works. I feel really drained. Would love to get other people's insights.

Yeah, he should dump you. That's a HUGE red flag right there. If he had any balls he'd leave you, but he sounds like a wimp like you said. You can probably milk him for more money and continue to treat him like an ATM and he'll put up with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend feels insecure about our relationship, according to him. Yesterday this manifested when I saw a Tiktok about some man saying meeting his wife and how it made him want to work to become rich. I said playfully something like "I hope you feel this way" and my BF got really upset. He accused me of being a golddigger and basically freaked out. The fight has lasted until today even though I tried to squash things. Finally he admitted that he feels insecure and "not good enough" and is afraid I'm going to leave him. Frankly, I feel exhausted. I do feel this is a big insecurity of his but I am sick of dealing with it or feeling like I have to walk on eggshells. He's constantly afraid I'm going to cheat on him or leave him, and it's just driving me away, I feel like it's a never ending cycle of this, no matter how many times I try to reassure him, it never works. I feel really drained. Would love to get other people's insights.

Yeah, he should dump you. That's a HUGE red flag right there. If he had any balls he'd leave you, but he sounds like a wimp like you said. You can probably milk him for more money and continue to treat him like an ATM and he'll put up with it.

Oh, please. I really hope this is sarcasm, or maybe Andrew Tate has finally found this forum.

[Anonymous]

Grow up and get off Tik Tok.

[Anonymous]

That is kind of like if you had insecurities about your body and he showed you a TikTok of a model and said he hoped you would aspire to that some day.

That would probably make you feel even more insecure too.

I know people think men shouldn't have any insecurities and you should dump any guy who does but to me it would be no different from the above when he intentionally picked an insecurity - would people tell him to dump you if you were insecure about your body?

[Anonymous]

If you had the urge to speak out loud about this “rich” thing then somewhere deep down, it’s something that means a lot to you. If I were the dude, I’d break it off because expectations were set, even if you were “joking” about it. If you want a man with $$, go down to Miami.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is kind of like if you had insecurities about your body and he showed you a TikTok of a model and said he hoped you would aspire to that some day.

That would probably make you feel even more insecure too.

I know people think men shouldn't have any insecurities and you should dump any guy who does but to me it would be no different from the above when he intentionally picked an insecurity - would people tell him to dump you if you were insecure about your body?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this what dating feels like for younger women? I am really scared for my daughter if this is the kind of men she will come across. Anyways I don't think she will have that issue because I mostly raised her and she probably have too much "masculine energy" as a result and won't take this sh**t

And I hope your daughter is mature enough to not compare what she sees on social media to a potential real life partner, joking or not. As the mother of a teen boy, I know he gets to look forward to the young woman who's have been told (regardless of their situation or background) that their base standard must follow the 666 rule.