Is DH being reasonable?

[Anonymous]

DH has a good friend who lives out of the country . The friend will be in town for a couple of days soon which happen to be on weekdays.

I suggested DH and I take him out one night while he’s here and DH is insisting that we invite him for dinner to our home because it’s a more meaningful invite and he’ll get to meet our kids. Our kids are teenagers in middle and high school, so honestly, they don’t really care much about meeting their dad’s friend but I know it’s clearly important for DH.

I told DH that the kids almost always have sports practices on those evenings, and the coaches aren’t too happy when they miss practice.

Besides, it puts more work on me to prepare a nice dinner at the house mid week . I’d have to re arrange my work schedule to come home early and prepare. I do have a flexible job but would still have to work this through.

I reiterated that it would be a lot simpler if DH and I just take his friend out and he got very upset.

Who’s being unreasonable here?

[Anonymous]

Have him over. Order nice dinner carry out
Therefore you can slip out to pick up kids from sports and they can eat whenever they get home.
Casual

[Anonymous]

You don't sound sure of when the kids have practice (almost always?). We know our exact schedule. Pick a night that's not too disruptive and then have your husband prep all the food or pick something up.

For whatever reason it means something to invite this person to the home. No it's not easiest, but it's meaningful. If you've ever been invited to someone's home abroad, you'd know.

[Anonymous]

I’m from the Deep South so take this as you’d like - I would absolutely adjust my schedule if DH asked me to prepare a meal for a good friend of his that he doesn’t often see. Presumably you know how to cook, what’s one more plate?

Relationships (familial and friendships) are more important than work and sports, especially if it’s not a regular or excessive occurrence, ie you're not being asked to cook a 14 person dinner party every third Tuesday.

[Anonymous]

Jesus, the man is proud of his family and home. Cooking isn’t that difficult and getting the kids to a practice and coordination of a ride home for them should not be either.

[Anonymous]

Adjust your schedule to accommodate. It’s a one off visit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, the man is proud of his family and home. Cooking isn’t that difficult and getting the kids to a practice and coordination of a ride home for them should not be either.

Np. And that’s lovely. He should feel free to to ensure the home is clean and ready to welcome the guest. As well as prepare a meal or order the takeout.

Seriously, this stuff falling on women has got to go.

[Anonymous]

The compromise is yes the friend comes over, and DH shoulders the work of cooking/cleaning while you figure out sports pickup. There’s no world where you agreeing to have the friend over *and* do all the work to make it happen is fair.

Sometimes I really wonder about men and their expectations. Seems they want a 1950’s life and an income-earning wife at the same time. Pick a lane, guys (and pick a spouse on the same page).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, the man is proud of his family and home. Cooking isn’t that difficult and getting the kids to a practice and coordination of a ride home for them should not be either.

Np. And that’s lovely. He should feel free to to ensure the home is clean and ready to welcome the guest. As well as prepare a meal or order the takeout.

Seriously, this stuff falling on women has got to go.

This. If it's so super meaningful and important to your DH, then your DH can clean the house and cook the meal. Makes sense, right?

[Anonymous]

Am I the weird one? When this type of thing happens, I’m the one who first suggests to DH we should invite the friend over for dinner and to stay the night, enthusiastically problem-solves dinner and kid arrangements, adds nice finishing touches to our (always clean) home. I don’t do all the work but I plan it out. And I work a demanding full-time job too. Maybe this is why DH loves me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, the man is proud of his family and home. Cooking isn’t that difficult and getting the kids to a practice and coordination of a ride home for them should not be either.

Np. And that’s lovely. He should feel free to to ensure the home is clean and ready to welcome the guest. As well as prepare a meal or order the takeout.

Seriously, this stuff falling on women has got to go.

It probably will when the expectation of paying for all expenses stops falling on men... which often is established on Date 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, the man is proud of his family and home. Cooking isn’t that difficult and getting the kids to a practice and coordination of a ride home for them should not be either.

Np. And that’s lovely. He should feel free to to ensure the home is clean and ready to welcome the guest. As well as prepare a meal or order the takeout.

Seriously, this stuff falling on women has got to go.

I agree. His friend so he should do the work to make to make it happen. Have him give her a list so she csn 'help'

[Anonymous]

I would make the meal and have my kids meet their father’s friend. But we are from the Middle East and hosting/socializing are important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the weird one? When this type of thing happens, I’m the one who first suggests to DH we should invite the friend over for dinner and to stay the night, enthusiastically problem-solves dinner and kid arrangements, adds nice finishing touches to our (always clean) home. I don’t do all the work but I plan it out. And I work a demanding full-time job too. Maybe this is why DH loves me

I'm sure most people would but is it fair to you? Would he do all that work for your friend? I doubt it

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t hesitate to invite the friend over but my husband does more than half when we have company.

OP - what will your husband do with respect to cooking and cleaning for his friend? Worst case, I’d make an “all hands on deck” (including kids) cleaning/picking up the weekend before to minimize anything the day of. And if I couldn’t cook because of work, I’d order great take out and serve it on real plates.