Travelling with young kids is so painful

[Anonymous]

I'm having anxiety about traveling with my young kids and I need someone to tell me I'm not crazy!
both our families live in one city (our hometown) but we live in a different city that we moved to for my husbands work. we now have a 2.5 year old and five week old. This week we had to go back to our hometown for a family medical emergency (MIL had a heart attack). I'm really hating being here out of our own kid friendly space - we have to rent a car, rent a Snoo, I have nowhere to bath the baby, there's no food at my in laws house so we have to rush to the shops, etc. my husband doesn't think it's stressful and is happy to stay here another week.

it's so hard because I want to visit our hometown when things like this happen and keep in touch with my old friends, my family etc. but it feels like too much stress to be worth it when I have to bring the kids along and parent in a new environment.

Has anyone else been in this situation where they live away from their hometown and have to travel back with young kids? Did you just not visit until the kids were older or did you suck it up and make the trip even though it was difficult?

It makes me sad because I want my kids to see their aunties, cousins etc but it takes such a toll on me to travel back and forth.

[Anonymous]

How far away is it?
I think a 5week old is stressful regardless of where you are to be honest. Newborns are hard and you’re probably tired.
I like traveling with young kids though. We generally keep to our same schedule, If you take snacks the 2yo likes you can get food once you get there, not sure why you had to “ rush” to the shops. Or you ask ahead of time if they can grab a couple things your kid eats.

[Anonymous]

The adjustment to a new baby is hard, and sudden visits due to medical emergencies are hard so it’s understandable that you are struggling. If your husband is minimizing your experience because he is scared for his mom, I would understand that. If he’s really fine and just minimizing it, then I would ask him to step up and solve the food and bathtub issues.

I wouldn’t generalize from that to “all visits are going to be hard”z. Even a few months and a planned trip rather than emergency will make this much easier.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can use this time as how it will normally be. Your husband is probably stressed. Under normal circumstances, there would likely be food in the house (this time there isn't because there was an emergency). Traveling with a 5 week old is tough but that's temporary. You won't need to rent a shop every time. Eventually your baby will be fine if you buy some sort of pack n play type device and leave it in your hometown.

We traveled a ton from 4 months up but DS was super easy to travel with. The circumstances you're traveling under now are abnormal. Do it again when the baby is a little bit older and everyone is healthy and I bet it will be much more pleasant.

[Anonymous]

Yes, traveling with young children is hard and stressful. You have to realign expectations.

[Anonymous]

My third is a newborn, and this biggest change I made this time was declaring I’m not going anywhere for six months. Traveling with newborns sucks. My husband will prob take the big kids to visit family this summer, but baby and I are staying home.

Th heart attack is obviously a special case, you do what you have to do. But I have never understood those “oh, newborns are so portable!” people. Their stuff isn’t, getting up in the night with a baby in a different location sucks way more than home, and you’re exhausted! Hard pass.

I’d much rather travel with an older baby (sleeping through the night - we sleep train at 4 months) or toddler.

[Anonymous]

I hated hated traveling with my kids back then. One or the other would be crying in the car. I was turning around constantly to give them something or fix a problem. They slept terribly out of the house. I was a mess and I wished I were more “go with the flow” but I got too anxious when things weren’t easy.

What I WISH I had done was to try and relax; even when they were unhappy, crying. I wish I had laughed and realized it is just a part of life and not worried that others were judging me or worried that I was doing something wrong and that’s why my kids weren’t easy travelers.

I’m parenting teens now and while they are great travelers and it’s easy, I miss the days when finding a new playground was enough to entertain them. Looking back I wish I had just relaxed a little bit and not taken every moment so seriously.

You ARE in a hard stage of parenting. If dh doesn’t think it’s stressful, that’s great! Make sure he’s figuring out the solutions so you don’t have to. Also take time for yourself, you don’t have to be the martyr that’s always around and always on top of everything (been there, done that, burned out). Take a LONG walk every day while he’s in charge. Volunteer to go to the store to get food BY YOURSELF.

And remind yourself that this is a blip, it’s hard, but it will get easier. Sending hugs because I know how you are feeling right now. But you can handle this.

[Anonymous]

I would not have gone. I'm doing nothing to complicate my life.
My dad had a stroke. It is what it is. He had doctors put him back together, his sister to get him home, and neighbor to watch over him.
Now he going to rehab. There's nothing I can do from a far. Already face-timed and asked if he needed money.

[Anonymous]

It’s the newborn and postpartum brain on top of the medical emergency. It will get better.

If both of your families live in the same town, is there another house you can retreat to for a bit each day. Maybe for quiet time, naps and bath time? If not your family, maybe a friend from your youth?

[Anonymous]

Having a newborn sucks anywhere. This doesn’t seem optional, though…your MIL had a serious health issue and you should stay so your husband can be there. Often a second and fatal heart attack occurs and you’d really regret it if you forced him to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not have gone. I'm doing nothing to complicate my life.
My dad had a stroke. It is what it is. He had doctors put him back together, his sister to get him home, and neighbor to watch over him.
Now he going to rehab. There's nothing I can do from a far. Already face-timed and asked if he needed money.

Wow, horrible person alert!

[Anonymous]

I made the effort to travel back at least twice a year. And I am so glad I did - my kids know their cousins and other family well.

Plus, now that they are teens it’s actually harder - they have activities that are much harder to miss and hurt their team/band/etc if they aren’t there. They do sleep through the night and that’s easier, for sure, but some logistics problems can the solved with rentals!

[Anonymous]

We flew with babies once. After that, no airplanes until they could sit quietly through church without needing the bathroom and knew how to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hated hated traveling with my kids back then. One or the other would be crying in the car. I was turning around constantly to give them something or fix a problem. They slept terribly out of the house. I was a mess and I wished I were more “go with the flow” but I got too anxious when things weren’t easy.

What I WISH I had done was to try and relax; even when they were unhappy, crying. I wish I had laughed and realized it is just a part of life and not worried that others were judging me or worried that I was doing something wrong and that’s why my kids weren’t easy travelers.

I’m parenting teens now and while they are great travelers and it’s easy, I miss the days when finding a new playground was enough to entertain them. Looking back I wish I had just relaxed a little bit and not taken every moment so seriously.

You ARE in a hard stage of parenting. If dh doesn’t think it’s stressful, that’s great! Make sure he’s figuring out the solutions so you don’t have to. Also take time for yourself, you don’t have to be the martyr that’s always around and always on top of everything (been there, done that, burned out). Take a LONG walk every day while he’s in charge. Volunteer to go to the store to get food BY YOURSELF.

And remind yourself that this is a blip, it’s hard, but it will get easier. Sending hugs because I know how you are feeling right now. But you can handle this.

Normally, if a couple was visiting Dad’s parents and they hadn’t taken steps to prepare I would agree with you 100% that Dad should step up, but he is dealing with a medical emergency, and is likely stressed about that.

[Anonymous]

The newborn is easy now, it’ll get harder (unfortunately). I don’t love travelING with my 4 young kids but once we are there we usually have a good time. Key is hardcore prep and low expectations.