DS (18) struggling with first heartbreak
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My son, who just turned 18, is struggling with his first heartbreak. He was a late bloomer and had his first girlfriend this fall of his senior year. They dated for about 3 months and saw each other at least 5 times each week to study together or hang out with friends. She broke up with him about 2 1/2 month ago, and he was an absolute mess for the first six to eight weeks. He's just now starting to come out of it, but every few days he gets sad again thinking about her. I keep reminding him that he's off to college this fall and will meet new people there. But he keeps talking about how much he misses her and is sad. He's met with his psychiatrist a few times just to check in, so we have the big mental health stuff covered. But I'm just sad for him and worried that this continues to drag on.
Can anyone share stories of how their sons navigated their first heartache? Any encouragement is appreciated! |
Anonymous
|
First "real" gf is the hardest one, at least until the really bad one where a woman runs off from a marriage.
He will always have a soft spot for her. It is what it is. If he gets out and does stuff he will meet another girl soon. |
Anonymous
| Especially if they'e at the same school, he has to keep seeing her around. That's hard. |
Anonymous
| This happened to my son recently. A bit longer relationship. We mostly listened. He would ask to watch a tv show and then just talk about how it unwound, etc. Mostly processed out loud. I think it is inportant to say your feelings are real, it takes the time it takes, and how much you feel the pain is how much joy/ love you are able to feel. Not rush then, etc. My son got busy trying to get together with friends. I see he has been going through this awhile, may want to ask him if he would like to talk to a therapist to help him work through this pain. |
Anonymous
| Needs to find a new girl. Does he have a prom date? |
Anonymous
| Ask him to think about the difference between missing her in particular and missing having a girlfriend in general. It might be that the latter is part of the picture that is unrecognized by him, and that’s easier to cure. Tell him he now knows how to be in a relationship, so that means he will be ready when the next person comes along. Also let him know that each relationship helps him figure out what he does and does not want in a romantic partner, and it also helps him learn about himself. It’s all part of the journey. |
Anonymous
| The first heartbreak is awful! |
Anonymous
+1 My DS went through that junior year, also a late bloomer. He was so despondent. 8 months later, he found a new GF who made him happy. It was great. They were together for almost 3 years. Then, last month, she broke up with him. And now, he's sad again, but he has better perspective even though they were together a lot longer. He knows it will past. My HS junior DD just got dumped after a couple of weeks. She is also really sad. Crying a lot. I have two teens going through heartache right now. Send good thoughts my way, dcum. My heart hurts for them. |
Anonymous
| Well, I can speak from my own experience (though I’m female). My BF broke up with me between my junior and senior year of HS and went on to date several others. I was still smitten and utterly heartbroken. I remember memorizing the times our schedules would cross paths and dressing in flattering outfits in the hopes that he would see (and miss me). I moved on, in the sense that I dated/was attracted to others and had a full and busy social life, but the ache remained until I left for college and stopped seeing/bumping into him. |
Anonymous
| ^ just to add - first live can be powerful and he may always think of her fondly, but the pain will definitely recede. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thank you all so much for the stories and supportive words. They don’t go to the same school (he’s at an all boys schools) but they are in the same friend circle. I am hoping time will heal this wound but he is already referring to her as “the one who got away.” It hurts my heart for him. |
Anonymous
| I’m so sorry he’s going through that! I remember so vividly when my first kid went through her first real break up and it was devastating to see her hurt so much. I have an 18 year-old DS now who’s seeming pretty smitten with his first “real “girlfriend and I love watching how happy it makes him but there’s also this fear I have about the inevitable end. Just remember they have to go through this to learn how to go through it in the future (I’m writing this out to remind myself as well.). |
Anonymous
| Get him drunk and have a willing girl jump his bones. It will cheer him up that life can go on. |
Anonymous
| why are we describing having first girlfriends as high school juniors and seniors as late bloomers? |
Anonymous
+1 |