I let my guard down at a job. vent

[Anonymous]

I have a part time job a few times a week where we are all in our early 30's.
This new guy started and has been saying really explicit jokes. We're all laughing have a fun time etc.
He uses slurs and mentions sex several times. He talks about "f*ggots". He says stuff about ethnic groups.
He is transphobic and has 0 shame.

I let my guard down and jokingly called him a mother*cker in a joking manner.I can't wrap my head around the fact that the same guy went to the manager and told him what I said and that it upset him. Obviously completely omitting all the stuff he talks about himself.
I am beyond confused. Imagine the most crude guy who has that kind of sense of humor running to the manager because he couldn't take what I dished out.

I messed up but I just can't fathom that THAT guy would run to the teacher so to speak..

I know this is all very childish but please try to imagine a coworker who is a jokester, telling your manager an offensive joke you made.

[Anonymous]

You retaliate with the long list of things he said, and get everyone else as witnesses.

Obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You retaliate with the long list of things he said, and get everyone else as witnesses.

Obviously.

I am genuinely thinking about doing that infront of everybody at work. Because of course the new guy doesn't talk like that in front of our manager. So it's like I just called him that for no reason? Ugh
/ op

[Anonymous]

No, go meet with the manager and tell him what is happening. Don't make a scene in front of everyone, that will not go well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You retaliate with the long list of things he said, and get everyone else as witnesses.

Obviously.

Take him down. He went after you for no reason and he's a bigot.

People do vote other people off the island.

Better if you can get someone else to do it.

[Anonymous]

i am very upset by this.
thanks everyone. Im never talking again / op

[Anonymous]

It does not matter if someone is doing it to you. Your behavior may not be excused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You retaliate with the long list of things he said, and get everyone else as witnesses.

Obviously.

I am genuinely thinking about doing that infront of everybody at work. Because of course the new guy doesn't talk like that in front of our manager. So it's like I just called him that for no reason? Ugh
/ op

Just make sure that your coworkers aren't going to for whatever reason, leave you high and dry. Go in smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does not matter if someone is doing it to you. Your behavior may not be excused.

Yes. 2 wrongs don't make a right. I am not here discussing whether I messed up or not. I did.
Just am so confused at how that guy would react that way

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t have been laughing and having a good time etc. you’re complicit.

[Anonymous]

You embarrassed him by calling him a name so he took it personally. He doesn’t feel like he is doing anything wrong because he is referring to people not in the room. His behavior is despicable of course but that’s why he went to tbe manager. I would absolutely let the management know all the vile things he said.

[Anonymous]

It's the manager who REALLY messed up by not catching that this guy was saying these things and shutting it down or firing him.

But, it's a lesson for you - just because other people jump off the bridge, doesn't mean you should, too. Don't ever get sucked into bad behavior. Only have bad behavior because you've independently decided you want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a part time job a few times a week where we are all in our early 30's.
This new guy started and has been saying really explicit jokes. We're all laughing have a fun time etc.
He uses slurs and mentions sex several times. He talks about "f*ggots". He says stuff about ethnic groups.
He is transphobic and has 0 shame.

I let my guard down and jokingly called him a mother*cker in a joking manner.I can't wrap my head around the fact that the same guy went to the manager and told him what I said and that it upset him. Obviously completely omitting all the stuff he talks about himself.
I am beyond confused. Imagine the most crude guy who has that kind of sense of humor running to the manager because he couldn't take what I dished out.

I messed up but I just can't fathom that THAT guy would run to the teacher so to speak..

I know this is all very childish but please try to imagine a coworker who is a jokester, telling your manager an offensive joke you made.

That sounds sus. Sounds like he took it offensively and not "in a joking manner"? Perhaps brush up on your sh**te talk game if you come across as clumsy or abrasive. There's a technique to it. If you are a stranger to the group, you have to learn how the others joke and emulate it, so as not to come across as spazzy or rude.

[Anonymous]

Be careful how to handle, OP. If you haven’t explained to your manager yet, I would focus on explaining that you reacted with negative language because of his incessant and pervasive use of X, Y, Z examples and you are fed up with it. You should apologize to your manager for the language, and acknowledge in hindsight you would not do it again, but explain it was a direct reaction to his use of inflammatory, crude, etc language in at least X number of incidences around X, Y, Z people. Then be silent about it and hope your coworkers will corroborate what you say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, go meet with the manager and tell him what is happening. Don't make a scene in front of everyone, that will not go well.

+1
The manager needs to ask around. Plus, this guy does this to more than you. IME the same problems follow the same people. I was bullied at work and got blamed for something I didn't do. I didn't complain and cha get departments. The bully did the same thing to the next victim. It is well recognized where the problem was. I didn't have to say or do anything.