Kid can earn $80 from me (two days)
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Anonymous
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I am packing for a 3day trip and cleaning the house. Starting to get overwhelmed, but just keep plugging along. The house doesn’t need to be perfect, but I want to catch up 100% on laundry so we can get wash many loads when we get back.
My daughter wants an $80 dress for the trip. I might say yes, but DH isn’t happy with her getting a larger share of the family clothing budget. I get it. She’s 13, things are costing more, and clothes are getting important. But I’m with DH, she has had more than a fair share. I want help, she wants a dress. <—I see a solution with some earning potential from me. What’s a reasonable amount of helpful cleaning or packing to earn the dress? I don’t really want to make it easy, but I don’t want to make it so hard that she fails (or fails right before it is the last time we can buy it). |
Anonymous
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Final point is that she has a reasonable purpose for the dress. A want, not a need. Here it is—she participates in sports and stage events. Sometimes she needs headshots. I can take some photos of her on the trip in the scenic places we’re going.
She is correct that some of her headshots are from 2 years ago, and she has grown and aged into a 13yo… they are no longer useful. We don’t need to spend money to make new headshots happen, but it helps. Otherwise, she’ll be wearing fall dresses she has, outgrown dresses, something that is a little more business-y looking (collar) versus matching the scenery where we are going. I see her point. I’d like to make it happen, but not as another giveaway. Again she gets more than other family members + has other end-of-year events coming that are costing disproportionately. |
Anonymous
I see that you are procrastinating using this issue, instead of actually getting stuff done 
I've packed for emergency international trips for a family of 4 and found boarding for 4 pets on 3 days notice, OP. I know the effort it takes, and the stress. Don't overthink it. You promise to buy her the dress if she helps you out. Make her an exhaustive list. She does as much as she can within her 13 year old powers. You don't tell her this beforehand, but she'll get the dress as long as she makes a big effort, regardless of outcome. OK? Now get back to laundry and packing! 
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Anonymous
lol you are right.
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Anonymous
Normal people don't agonize like you over such things, OP. My kid is a (pre)professional performer and is asked for headshots for every application for auditions/competitions and paid performances. Last photo I used was a random one from Christmas that I cropped and arranged. I've bought her a ton of dresses in her life, because she's been performing for a decade. Again, there's no overthinking, it's part of her activities budget. I get semi-custom stuff on Etsy now she's a teen (not quite adult size). You're in a panic and not thinking straight. Just tell her you're paying her to launder and clean and pack and she gets the dress she wants (if appropriate for her activity, the right size and everything). End of story. |
Anonymous
| I don’t pay for help. If my kid has time I tell them. If you can afford it then get it |
Anonymous
How much laundry could result from a 3 day trip?! I routinely don't do laundry for more than 3 days anyway |
Anonymous
For 5 people. It will be sandy. Outfit changes, a lot at once. When we get back, I want to be able to work on it (not work on last week’s). I’m only responding because I find it strange that anyone would question wanting to get laundry done before a trip. Added benefit of not finding out that we wanted to bring something that is dirty in a laundry bin. |
Anonymous
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She does all the laundry and puts away all the clothes. Packs for herself and younger siblings. Plays games with younger siblings or reads with them while I clean the house.
It seems she is your eldest from your post. I have an 11.5 years old and just bought her a $100 dress for a formal party she needs to attend. I had her research cheaper options first, but there was nothing similar. I rarely splurge on my kids clothing so I just bought it because I knew it was important for her. |
Anonymous
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All this panic over a three day trip?
I truly do not understand. |
Anonymous
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Are you married? Why isn’t your spouse cleaning while you pack or vice versa? How much house cleaning do you really need to do before going away for 3 days? This all sounds like a bizarre amount of anxiety — are you usually anxious? Do you only travel rarely?
We packed for an 8 day trip to Europe in 2 days for a family of 4, which included my husband needing to do several loads of laundry. And my 15 year old has profound intellectual disability so we have to pack diapers, wipes, sippy cups, wheelchair belts and leg straps, etc. We definitely have fairly involved packing requirements and stuff you can’t just easily buy in any city. I was not as stressed as you seem to be. But, I would just tell my kid that if she wants the dress, she needs to be extremely helpful getting ready for the trip. You don’t have to agonize over a rate per hour here. |
Anonymous
| Also, let’s pretend you have 10 loads of laundry to do — which I sort of doubt, but maybe. Loading and unloading takes maybe 8 minutes. So, a little over an hour. Putting away a load takes 30 minutes (if you are picky about how you put stuff away). This is this is about six hours of stuff over 3 days with lots of downtime in between. I’m not saying this is fine, but it isn’t some crazy task. |
Anonymous
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She needs to start earning money and saving it for times like this. I might put $40 toward as $80 dress. No way I’d be buying the whole thing.
My 12yo DD just wanted a $160 pair of Nikes. I gave her $100 and she used her own money for the rest. ( I had a coupon for 20% off too) We pay for As on report card, she earns $40 every 2 weeks as a mothers helper. |
Anonymous
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Here’s the thing. I don’t think this is about the dress. I think you’re feeling that she’s ungrateful of unappreciative of what she’s getting in life, not just for this trip.
So instead of thinking about right now, I would think about the future. She’s 13. Does she do her own laundry on a regular basis? My kids have done their own laundry since they were 10, yes folding it and putting it away has not always been neat and tidy but they’ve gotten better over the years. I still have to remind them on the weekends to put a load or two in, but they do the whole process themselves. They’re also in charge of clearing their plates and getting them into the dishwasher and they take turns emptying the dishwasher. They help with the dog stuff and keeping the house tidy. They help with cooking on occasion. They need reminders, but they do it without complaint (this took awhile to work on, but worth it). If they are very busy with homework or activity we will let it slide, but they know their responsibilities and they still have time to do what they need to do and want to do. And this is just what works for us—my kids don’t get an allowance: we give them money when they need it and thankfully they’re pretty reasonable about it. If they ask for something that we don’t think is a great choice we will say they need to use their own savings from holidays, birthdays, earned from babysitting or pet sitting jobs. But there isn’t a direct monetary exchange for chores, we want them to know that doing chores is just part of being a family. How old are your other kids? Do they do chores? If not I suggest getting your family on board with helping out with the house. Even little kids can match socks and tidy up. So get the dress, ask her to help out with the prepping and the post trip cleaning, don’t freak if she doesn’t do X number of hours for you. Look at everything globally and see how things may need to be changed for the family. Have a good trip
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Anonymous
| $10 an hour |